For some reason pregnancy and motherhood open you up to all sorts of unsolicited comments and questions from complete strangers. Most of them leave us wondering if they can actually hear the words that are coming out of their own mouths. The dumbfounded looks our faces don’t give them the hint, so we are obliged to answer their all-too-personal questions.

Even though I’ve heard all the stories of the outrageous things people say to mothers and pregnant women, I was not prepared for the onslaught of comments and questions that would be coming my way as a pregnant woman/mom of twins.

“Are they twins?” 
This is by far the most asked question I receive. And if you’re asking the question, I’m pretty sure you already know the answer. But I get it. It’s a way to start the conversation with the mom scrambling through the grocery store, just trying to get in and out without a blowout or a tantrum. Of course this little question will lead to several more questions, finally ending with the whereabouts of twins in the stranger’s family tree. And by no means is this the only random person in the grocery store who needs to know the 411 about your two, identical-aged children. But let’s set the record straight about one thing: identical twins can only be boy/boy or girl/girl. Fraternal twins can be any combination of the two sexes. But boy/girl twins cannot be identical (except in the case of an extremely rare birth defect, so it’s more than likely that boy/girl twins you’re seeing in the grocery store are NOT identical).

“Are they are natural?”
I get it. You want to know if they were conceived spontaneously or through fertility treatments. But 1. It’s none of your business, and 2. It’s none of your business. I also think there is this view that spontaneously conceived multiples are a phenomenon. Don’t get me wrong, it really is astonishing and mind-blowing and incredibly amazing. But twins aren’t THAT rare. And in some way this attitude minimizes the miracle that is conception through fertility treatments. Because the reaction I get when answering the “natural” question, is not that the reaction I think I’d get if my answer was fertility treatment.

Twins conceived spontaneously are no more special than twins conceived with fertility treatments. Or single babies. Or babies that were waited on and prayed for for years. Or the surprise fifth baby to the mom and dad that decided four was a good number. Or babies that were sought after and traveled halfway across the world for. Or babies that came to a mom and dad who weren’t quite ready to be parents. Or babies that were born with a deformity or a disease or a deficit. All babies are special miracles that are NATURAL human beings.

Stop asking about my sex life.
I have honestly had people ask me if my husband and I did anything special to conceive twins. I’m not sure if they’re wanting to know what TO do or what NOT to do, but my only answer for that would be sex. Because that’s all we did. Just like almost every other parent on the planet. END OF STORY. 

Stop saying “Two for the price of one.”
Twins are very much two for the price of TWO. The only things they’ve shared are their birthday and my placenta. We didn’t buy one crib or one car seat. There wasn’t a BOGO at the hospital. Imagine buying TWO kids ONE bicycle for their birthday. I really wish this one could be true because KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE.

And don’t forget:
“Do twins run in your family?”
“Your hands are full!”
“Double trouble!”
“How do you tell them apart?”
“Which one is the aggressive one?”
“So two and done, huh?”
“Are you sure there’s not three in there?”

I’m sure the questioning will continue as my twin boys grow up, athough the questions will probably be directed at them. Sorry kids! I know I am not alone in the mother-interrogation line of questioning at the grocery store. Every mom has been there. And I think we can all agree that many of the questions and comments we receive as moms cross the line. So instead, just tell us that our kids are cute and that we’re doing a good job, because that’s what we really need to hear.

 get it. You want to know if they were conceived spontaneously or through fertility treatments. But 1. It's none of your business, and 2. It's none of your business.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Katie Parlane

Hello, I'm Katie! I'm a wife and stay-at-home mom to twin boys. I'm a lover of the wild, chai lattes, llamas, and Husker football.

My Child with Special Needs Made His Own Way in His Own Time

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding child's hand walking across street

I want to tell you the story of a little boy who came to live with me when he was three years old. Some of you may find this story familiar in your own life. Your little boy or girl may have grown inside you and shares your DNA or maybe they came into your life much older than three. This little boy, this special child, my precious gift has special needs. Just five short years ago, he was a bit mean and angry, he said few understandable words, and there was a lot about this world he didn’t understand. Unless...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter as You Grow into Yourself

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Girl in hat and dress-up clothes, color photo

My daughter, I watched you stand in front of the mirror, turning your body left and right. Your skirt was too big and your top on backward. Your bright blue eyeshadow reached your eyebrows and bold red blush went up to your ears. You didn’t care. I watched you marvel at your body, feeling completely at ease in your skin. You turned and admired yourself with pride. You don’t see imperfections. You don’t see things you are lacking. You see goodness. You see strength. RELATED: Daughter, When You Look in the Mirror, This is What I Hope You See I’m...

Keep Reading

Organized Sports Aren’t Everything

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young girl with Alpaca, color photo

Today I watched my little girl walk an alpaca. His name is Captain. Captain is her favorite. He’s my favorite too. I met his owner on Instagram of all places. She thought I was in college; I thought she was a middle-aged woman. Turns out, she is in high school, and I am a middle-aged woman. This random meeting led to a blessing. We call it “llama lessons.” We take llama lessons every other week. It’s an hour away on the cutest hobby farm. Our “teacher” is Flora, who boards her llamas at the alpaca farm. She wants to teach...

Keep Reading

I Had to Learn to Say “I’m Sorry” to My Kids

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom hugs tween daughter

My two oldest kiddos are at the front end of their teen years. I remember that time in my own life. I was loud, somewhat dramatic, I let my hormones control me, and I never—ever—apologized. This last part was because no one ever really taught me the value of apology or relationship repair. Now, I could do some parent blaming here but let’s be real, if you were a kid whose formative years were scattered between the late ’80s and early ’90s, did you get apologies from your parents? If so, count that blessing! Most parents were still living with...

Keep Reading

5 Things Your Child’s Kindergarten Teacher Wants You To Know

In: Kids, Motherhood
Child raising hand in kindergarten class

I am a teacher. I have committed my life to teaching children. Of course, before I began this career, I had visions of standing in front of a group of eager-eyed children and elaborating on history, science, and math lessons. I couldn’t wait to see the “lightbulb” moments when students finally understood a reading passage or wrote their first paper. And then I had my first day. Children are not cut out of a textbook (shocking, I know) but as a young 23-year-old, it knocked me right off my feet. I was thrown into the lion’s den, better known as...

Keep Reading

To the Extended Family That Shows Up: We Couldn’t Do This Without You

In: Kids, Living, Motherhood
Family visiting new baby in a hospital room

This picture—my heart all but bursts every time I see it.  It was taken five years ago on the day our daughter was born. In it, my husband is giving her her very first bath while our proud extended family looks on. It was a sweet moment on a hugely special day, but gosh–what was captured in this photo is so much more than that. This photo represents everything I could have ever hoped for my kids: That they would have an extended family who shows up in their lives and loves them so deeply.  That they would have grandparents,...

Keep Reading

You’re Almost Grown, But You’re Always Welcome Back Home

In: Kids, Motherhood
Teen in room studying with computer and smartphone

Dear child, In the days before you could walk or talk, there were times when you would wail—when my rocking and shushing and bouncing were seemingly futile—but it didn’t matter. Each day and night, multiple times, I always picked you up and welcomed you back into my arms. As a toddler and a preschooler, you had some pretty epic meltdowns. There were times when you would thrash and scream, and all I could do was stand by and wait for the storm to blow over. Eventually, you would run to me, and I would welcome you back with a warm embrace....

Keep Reading

No One Warned Me About the Last Baby

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood
Mother holding newborn baby, black-and-white photo

No one warned me about the last baby. When I had my first, my second, and my third, those first years were blurry from sleep deprivation and chaos from juggling multiple itty-bitties. But the last baby? There’s a desperation in that newborn fog to soak it up because there won’t be another. No one warned me about the last baby. Selling the baby swing and donating old toys because we wouldn’t need them crushed me. I cried selling our double jogger and thought my heart would split in two when I dropped off newborn clothes. Throwing out pacifiers and bottles...

Keep Reading

Parents Are Terrible Salespeople for Parenting

In: Kids, Motherhood
Tired mother with coffee cup on table, child sitting next to her

As the years of fertility start to wane, many of my childless peers are confronted with the question, “Should I have kids?” With hesitation, they turn to us parents who, frankly, seem overwhelmingly unhappy. They ask sheepishly, “Is it worth it?” We lift our heads up, bedraggled, bags under our eyes, covered in boogers and sweat and spit up, we mutter, “Of course! It’s so fulfilling!” It’s like asking a hostage if they like their captor. Sure, it’s great. We love them. But our eyes are begging for liberation. Save me, please. I haven’t slept through the night in years....

Keep Reading

Soak in the Moments because Babies Don’t Keep

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Roller coaster photo, color photo

I love marking the moments, the ones that count—making a note and storing them for memory. But I often miss out on them when it comes to our oldest. ⁣ ⁣The day he wanted to be baptized, I was at home with another kiddo who was sick. He called me from church excitedly, emphasizing he was ready and didn’t want to wait. I couldn’t argue with that, so I watched him go underwater through videos my husband and sweet friends in the congregation took. ⁣ ⁣On the day of his fifth-grade graduation, we found ourselves at the pediatrician’s office. Instead...

Keep Reading