My husband and I moved to a new town for his job a few years ago. I had many fears about moving; packing, building a house, finding a church, and leaving my family and friends behind. But my biggest apprehension in coming to an unknown place was making new girl friends.

Finding my tribe.

Discovering my people.

Taking my place in a new circle.

And if I was really lucky, finding my person.

You know who I’m talking about. That unicorn friend that you’ve always dreamed of. The girl who just gets you. You know… the unicorn friend. Your best friend. The one.

Now unicorn friends are something that I had only heard of before moving to our little town. From what I had been told, she shares all of your interests, parents the same as you do, has your same style and you can share clothes with her, and you like the same type of pop (so for me, someone who loves Coke, but definitely not Pepsi. So gross). So when we moved to our little town of 2,000 people and no stop light, I didn’t have high expectations in finding my unicorn friend. I was really just hoping to find a group that resembled a circle and that I could somehow fit in.

And then I met her. My unicorn. But I didn’t know it at the time.

It was about 6 months after we had moved to our little town and we were both sitting around a mutual friend’s kitchen table at a Bible study. As I looked around the table, I started evaluating the level of potential friendship with each woman (don’t judge, you know you’ve done it, too). And guys, she was the last person I thought could be a close friend, let alone my unicorn.

She loved to style hair and do make up and I wore a pony tail and no make up every day.

She was a laid back parent and I was a helicopter mom.

She was modern and trendy I was old fashioned and vintage.

She was short and I was tall.

And you guys….. She. Loved. Pepsi.

It was over for me, she could not be the one.

But one day about 6 months later there was a knock at my door. My second child was about 4 months old, colicky as crap, and I hadn’t slept in weeks. I opened the door, wearing nothing more than yoga pants and a nursing bra and there she was with a cup of hot coffee, a card, and a hug. Like a real hug. And I needed it so badly.

“I just want you to know that I love you and you’re a great mom. I’m here if you need me,” and then she left. And from that moment on everything changed because she has been there for me every moment after that, and I’ve been there for her.

You see friends, it isn’t about your common interests, the way you parent, or how you dress. It isn’t even in the way you order your pop.

It’s about the way you love one another. It’s about intentionality. It’s about honesty. It’s about cheering one another on when you’re doing great and calling each other a butt head when you’re being one. It’s about finding someone who values friendship the same way you do, holding onto one another’s hands and hanging on for dear life; Coke in one hand and Pepsi in another, and fighting for one another’s hearts. And it’s showing up to someone’s house who’s completely opposite of you with coffee, a card, and a hug and loving them well.

So the next time you find yourself sitting with a group of women around a kitchen table, don’t look for the girl who looks just like you. Wait for the moment when she shows up. Or be the one to show up.

Just make sure you know whether she likes Coke or Pepsi.