It started in the ultrasound room at my 12-week noninvasive prenatal testing (NIPT). I sat there looking at this cute little peanut on the screen when, all of a sudden, the tech got very quiet and left the room. The specialist then came in to tell me that the baby’s nuchal translucency (NT) scan was abnormal—an NT scan is an ultrasound that measures the fluid behind a fetus’s neck, which can help assess the risk of Down syndrome and other genetic conditions. I had never paid any attention to this before because it was always normal with my previous pregnancies. The breath was literally taken out of my lungs. Why God? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
They took some blood to do another prenatal test called MaterniT21 to check for different chromosomal conditions. I was then told a bunch of things that it could be and what it could mean and sent home “not to worry” until the tests came back. Why God? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
Flash forward to the horrific and unprofessional call from the geneticist telling me my baby tested positive for trisomy 21, offered no support, and said that if I wanted to discuss termination, to speak to the physician. Why God? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
So many people throughout the rest of my pregnancy spoke of all of the things that can go wrong with proceeding with a pregnancy like mine—she can have a severe mental handicap, she can have kidney problems, heart disease, and pulmonary issues. It seemed like a nightmare. Why God? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
Almost five years later, I sit here with my almost 5-year-old who has overcome so much in her short time on this earth. Riley is fully included in her preschool class, taking dance class with her peers, and modeling for major brands. She keeps up with her siblings and shows us each day how special, strong, and sassy she is. I still ask God the same question but it has a different spin on it now. Why God? Why me? What did I do to deserve such beauty? Such joy? Such love? Thank you, Lord, for making me her mama.
by Lindsay Rangel 
by Jillian Benfield 
by Alethea Mshar 
