I love him. 

Okay I already knew that, but did I appreciate this truth? Did I notice all the small stuff and things he did for my heart daily? Absolutely not. 

To be honest, I have a lot of guilt in my life lately. That’s not something I am loving nor am I proud of. I always feel not enough because of the pressure I put on myself. And because I have wired my thoughts this way, I am thinking these negative emotions a lot. 

So instead of looking forward to my days, I tend to think of the sleep I didn’t get or how tired I will be if my son doesn’t nap. Instead of enjoying the moment, I’m focusing on what I’m not getting done. I’m feeling guilty for how tapped out I am some days. I’ve been praying about this lately because I need God to change me. Sometimes I think I can do all of this on my own, but who am I kidding? 

On my own, I barely remember to get a shower every few days. 

On my own, I might remember we have a play date today or a dr.’s apt tomorrow. 

On my own, I’m a lousy wife and mother. Okay maybe not lousy, but I can’t be as great as I want to be. 

So, I need help from God.  

But one thing I didn’t realize was how much help I get from my husband by him just being himself. 

I fell in love with my husband many years ago.

There were many reasons I fell head over heels in love with this man. He was strikingly handsome, and still is! Like a fine wine, he is getting better with age.

He was so very caring. The first time I met him he had protected my heart without knowing who I was. That’s not something he goes out of his way to do, it’s just who he is.

He accepted my goofiness. This quality is still around too, but I am less goofy these days. However, he knows how to bring it out of me which is something I am quite grateful for.

He always made me smile. Just seeing him made me light up a room. I remember pulling up to his house and I would swear my heart would beat out of my chest if I didn’t see him right away! 

On a bad day, he could take it all away just by hugging me. The warmth and comfort in his arms was just, home. That’s the best way I can describe it. I looked forward to his hugs and probably asked for them too much!  

It was just so easy to love him. Our hearts were made for each other. There was no work at the connection we shared, we just had a bond no matter what. 

So, when did I flip the switch and forget these things?! 

Having a child has changed me for sure. Staying at home all day with him has done that too. But when did I forget that in my husband’s very being, God made these great qualities to help me out?  

Half of the time I don’t tell him how I feel because I don’t want to be a burden. By doing that I am holding so much on my shoulders that I just don’t have to. 

God gave me this man to be the loving arms I physically need to hold me daily. He is the ongoing response to my bleeding heart. God gave me my husband to help reach me when he couldn’t. And somehow, I had forgotten all of that. 

My husband was away this weekend, he still is as I write this.  

I was excited for him to go on his trip, so he could get away and have fun! He sooo needed this! I was also excited because I thought I could catch up on some much needed sleep. 

And this morning as I wake, I am being hit with that desire like a stack of bricks. The stack is saying, “hey dummy! That sleep you have been coveting, the only reason it’s so good is because your husband is here.” 

What?! Excuse me?!  

Yeup. Apparently without even realizing it, this man I love so much has provided for me even in my sleep. I have slept so well because I knew he would be on top of it if someone knocked on the door, if that cats were up to no good, or if Kaden woke in the middle of the night. I knew he would be checking in on Kaden before he came to bed, both to say goodnight in his own sweet way and to make sure everything was perfect before he turned in.

All these things mean so much to me and I never even realized it!  

Sometimes we need to be away from a situation or people to really appreciate what we have. 

I’ve been going about this life thing all wrong these days. I have this handsome, caring, protector, who makes me smile and melts my heart, in front of me every day and I haven’t even realized the gift God consistently brings me. 

Lord, I pray that you would open the eyes of my heart and show me this gift you have given me every day of my life.  

I pray this for your families too. Which is why I share my imperfections with you, because my guess is that I am not alone in this. 

Since none of us were given handbooks on how to be the perfect wife when we took our vows nor did we get one on being the perfect mother when we gave birth, I assume we are all lost sheep. We were not given these handbooks with good reason, we were not given these roles to be perfect in them! 

No mother or wife is perfect, no wonder why Jesus was born to an imperfect woman. A woman just like you or me. We are not meant to be perfect wives or mothers, and if she were perfect, imagine the additional loads of guilt we would have while we compared ourselves to her.

We were meant to be perfectly human and realize that we are imperfect. We will be imperfect everyday of our lives. That’s why we have God, that’s why He gave us Jesus, and that’s why He gave us the people we have in our lives; because we need them.

Therefore, I have epiphanies of my love for my husband and my many imperfections, so that I can share with the rest of you imperfect souls. I say this smiling and from a place of love, I promise.

I hope that you may also be reminded of the love you receive and perhaps take for granted. Appreciate those who love you today. Allow them to be who God sent them to be. Allow them to love you, allow them to compliment you, allow them to fill your cup. 

Lastly, allow yourself to be held by the ones you love today. May our hearts be opened to the blessings God has given to us.

Rebecca Spohr

Rebecca is a mother to a handsome 10-month-old boy and wife to her husband of 3 years. They live in Huntington Beach, California where they run two businesses out of there home, allowing them to spend lots of time with their son. Rebecca and her husband met in Olathe, Kansas and moved to California in 2006. They are still very attached to the midwest and travel to see family as much as possible.