Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

I was lucky enough to share my first almost-three years of motherhood with my mom, sort of. She had been sick for about a year before we found out we were expecting, and she only got worse as I progressed through my pregnancy and after my son was born. Regardless, she was the person I called with all my questions. 

When they sent me home from the hospital and told me to give him Tylenol if he seemed uncomfortable, I called her because they never told me how much. And somehow, I just knew she would know. 

When I wasn’t sure how to calm him down late at night, I called my mom. She told me how to hold him to calm his tummy. 

When I needed to just get out of the house during my maternity leave, I headed to her house. She held him while I napped. 

We knew she was sick, but we never prepared to lose her. 

When I was 19-weeks pregnant with my second, God called her home. No one prepares you for the grief of losing a parent at 25. But everyone is quick to tell you how you should be grieving. 

RELATED: I Was Too Young to Lose My Mom

I looked at this way . . . I had one job in the weeks following her passingI had to be a mom. I had to be that for my 3-year-old and my sweet baby who hadn’t yet joined our world. 

So that’s what I did. I continued to be a mom. 

But I quickly realized how hard it was going to beto be a mom, without mine. 

When I had my second and third children, both girls, I still found myself thinking OK, what would mom do? Would she take them to the doctor? Would she wait it out? She would know if this cough was just a regular cold. She would know if I should be worried that Ty isn’t crawling at 10 months old. She would know what to do to help Noah with that stubborn constipation. She would know exactly the trick to get Noah to say “mama.” She would just know. 

But she’s not here to tell me. 

But you know who is? Everyone else. 

I have found that being a mom without mine means I have to ask for help from someone who isn’t my mom. 

I have to ask my mother-in-law for her suggestion even when I think she won’t have the answer I want to hear. 

I will ask my boss what she did with her son who was constantly struggling with his tummy. 

I will ask her teachers if I should be concerned about Ty’s late crawling, and I will just call the doctor and ask if her cough is normal. 

I don’t have my mom to ask all of my mom questions, but I have so many people who will help me if I’m just willing to ask for it. 

I’m here to tell you, just ask someone. Find your person or your people and just ask. Being a mom is hard enough, don’t be stubborn. 

Your mom would probably tell you that too. I know mine would. 

RELATED: Raising Kids Without My Mom is So Much Harder Than I Expected

They say it gets easier with time, and sometimes I think that. But then life hits me with another what would mom do, and I am back to thinking maybe not. I’ll never not need my mom. But I am learning every day that there are people in my corner to guide me through motherhood. And she’s with us. Probably rolling her eyes at the suggestions from my mother-in-law, but regardless, she’s here. 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Lindie Alsdorf

I am a 28-year-old mom to three. I married my high school sweetheart at 21 and never looked back. Our family is my greatest treasure, and it has held me together in some of the most difficult moments and has taught me so much about myself. I am a huge DIYer with a love of trying new things. 

I’ll Always Be a Little Lost Without My Mom

In: Grief, Motherhood
3 generations mom grandma and baby

My mom was an essential, treasured part of my early motherhood. This bond took root in my own childhood as I was the grateful recipient of and unknowingly absorbed the lessons from, her mothering. She was fully present, always loving (even when she was angry with us), gently guided us in ways that made us want to please her. My mom was involved with us, our friends, and our schools. She listened and supported, even when she disagreed. She wouldn’t hide her dissenting opinion, but we knew she would love and support us no matter what.  One snapshot from childhood...

Keep Reading

How Can I be a Mother Without My Mom?

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
new mom holds her baby and kisses his head thoughtfully

“We will share the good news with my Mom when she gets home from the hospital,” I said to my husband as we were driving home from the ultrasound appointment to confirm my pregnancy. For all of the nine years that my mother fought her battle with stage 4 colon cancer, she always came home from the hospital—always stronger than before. Despite the changes we all saw in my mother, and how much she was suffering, I was determined that she was going to come home again like all of the other times. Maybe not as strong as all of...

Keep Reading

Don’t Take Your Mom For Granted—I’d Give Anything to Have Mine Back

In: Grief, Loss
Grieving woman sitting in window

You know that super cliché saying “You don’t know what you’ve got till’ its gone”? It is true. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I always knew my mom was one-of-a-kind. I knew she was genuine, caring, supportive, loving, and my biggest fan. But I NEVER thought about what my life would be like without her. I never thought about her leaving this earth too early and missing so many things. I took for granted the moments we shared assuming there would be many more. I took for granted the little things because I never thought there would be a...

Keep Reading