By Jennifer Jabbour 
“I got an F on my essay because my teacher said I plagiarized,” my teenager said.
After asking my daughter, Grace, a series of questions, I realized she hadn’t actually plagiarized, and a simple conversation should help make things right. However, she was convinced her teacher hated her and no amount of trying to change her mind would make a difference. In some ways, she was ready to accept the bad grade and move on, rather than speak up for herself.
After encouraging Grace to meet with her teacher, I sent her off to school with a “have a good day” wish and a prayer in my heart. James 1:2-4 tells us that the struggle and conflict we encounter are part of a greater plan that will eventually lead us to perfection and completion—so, I allow my children to be stretched beyond their comfort level, the same way God does for us.
After Grace spoke to her teacher, she was no longer accused and her name was cleared.
As I reflected on the events, I realized dealing with conflict is something I have struggled with my whole life. I could not ignore the underlying lesson to my soul. I’m certain I heard that still, small voice reminding me that the same advice I gave to Grace applies to my own grown-up conflicts.
Typically, I run as fast as I can from conflict. If there’s conflict, then there’s tension, and tension makes everyone uncomfortable, so it’s easier to bottle up my feelings and stay quiet in an effort to keep the peace. The truth is, when we keep quiet for the sake of peace, no one is truly at peace because the problem is never resolved. To be a peacemaker, I must know when to speak up and when to walk away.
Jesus came to bring peace to a broken, chaotic world, but his method of peace looks different than how our society views it: He calmed storms by speaking up (Mark 4:39). He turned tables over in righteous anger (John 2:15). He completely walked away from people He loved (Mark 6:6).
Likewise, law enforcement officers, aptly called peace officers, don’t just stand idly by while criminals cause a ruckus. No, to keep the peace, they step in, use their voice, and establish command presence to restore the peace. True peace cannot be achieved by avoiding the conflict, but by acknowledging it, speaking truth into it and about it, and ultimately, releasing it to God.
Unfortunately, speaking the truth won’t always be easy. If you’ve ever spoken up, yet still felt terrible, you’re not alone. Every time I overcome my fear and find my voice through the conflict, I somehow feel guilty and ashamed. Even though I spoke the truth, the old phrase, “The truth hurts,” couldn’t be more appropriate. Often the sting of pain I think I’ve inflicted on the receiver is enough to keep me quiet the next time.
If you can relate, I want to encourage you—don’t be deceived. The enemy knows if he tricks us into staying quiet, under the guise of keeping the peace, the result will be the opposite of peace. The guilt and shame we feel are meant to hold us back and keep us from experiencing God’s grace and true peace.
Sadly, we live in a broken world, which means our attempts to resolve situations won’t always work. There are times when the only thing left to do is to walk away. Jesus tried to speak truth to his own people, but when they rejected him, he left. Sometimes, walking away is the most life-giving choice because staying in the fight does nothing more than stir up the muddy waters of our souls.
Friend, the struggle is not ours to hold, and broken people aren’t ours to fix. That’s God’s job. Sometimes, keeping the peace looks like letting go of the people we love on this side of Heaven, with hope that we will see each other again—perfect and complete and no longer broken.
As you learn how to discern your role in relationships, you will learn when to speak up and when to walk away, releasing the person and the outcome to God. Next time you’re faced with a difficult situation, if your tendency is to want to pretend like there’s nothing wrong, I encourage you to have the courage to speak up for what’s right.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT)
by Katie Westenberg 
by Jennifer Thompson 
