So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

As a mom to three kids in elementary school, the whole “friendship game” has remained relatively drama-free so far. Sure, we’ve had the occasional “so-and-so was mean to me” or “____ said she didn’t want to play with me today” but then it’s over and they’re back to swinging on the monkey bars and playing kickball at recess the next day.

But ugggghhh do I know it’s coming. Some days I feel like I’m standing on a cliff, watching a storm roll in, and I’m powerless. Just waiting. Knowing there’s a tsunami on the horizon and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

I know there will be friendship drama. Hurt feelings. Ghosting. Back-stabbing. And tears. I know, because I lived it as a kid, and as a teen, and even now, I go through it as an adult.

Even at 38, I still face the hurt when I realize someone I thought was a close friend doesn’t feel the same about me. And it saddens me that I can’t tell my kids, “Don’t worry! It gets better! It won’t hurt when you’re a grown-up!” because I’d be lying.

And I think the hardest part about living this reality on the adult side is wishing I was less sensitive. Wishing I had tougher skin. Wishing I didn’t feel like that same 7th grade girl who found out her friends went to the movies without her and conveniently left her off the invite list.

But the truth is, I am that sensitive. I don’t have that tough skin. And it hurts.

I made a “friend” a couple of years ago with whom I felt an immediate connection. We work in the same industry—one that, like many career fields, can be lonely and competitive. But she was different. She was also new to the game and we sort of linked arms (literally and figuratively) and helped each other find our way.

We ended up the same social circles and professional circles (sometimes they overlapped) and started finding ourselves vying for the same jobs. But I never felt competition with her, only support. 

For a while anyway.

All of a sudden I started hearing that she got promoted. Why didn’t she tell me?

And I started getting wind of her meeting up with mutual friends of ours, without extending me an invite.

I tried to brush it off, but then I also realized when I looked back at our texts and Facebook messages, I had started all of our conversations for the past few months. When was the last time she reached out to me

The final blow was when a large group of colleagues planned on attending a work event—she and I had talked about going together. I booked my hotel room and ticket, only to find out just a few weeks before the event that she planned to attend with someone else.

I had to come to terms with the truth. Maybe I had said or done something to offend her, but, I think the more likely scenario was that she just preferred other friends  over me. And it stung. 

She didn’t like me as much as I liked her.

She didn’t want to be close friends like I wanted to be.

She didn’t want me on her short list for a GNO or weekend trip, even though I had put her on mine.

When we crossed paths at that work event, she wasn’t rude or unkind. She greeted me with a hug and the standard, “How have you been?”

But it took all my courage to hug her back. To force a smile and say, “Fine, thanks. You?” because honestly, did she even care? Did she actually truly wonder how I’d been since we hadn’t spoken in so long?

RELATED: Life is Too Short for Fake Cheese and Fake Friends

I have spent hours upon hours obsessing over where this friendship went wrong. Finally, however, I had to let it go. I knew if I confronted her she’d probably say something like, “What are you talking about? Of course we are still friends!” which would have caused guaranteed awkwardness every time I saw her in the future.

So I decided for my own mental health to accept that I just wasn’t her cup of tea and try my hardest to stop analyzing why. Much like when my kids come home from school in tears after finding out that their “friends” had a sleepover or had a birthday party and didn’t invite them, sometimes the people we think are close to us really aren’t. Sometimes, for reasons that often remain unknown, that feeling isn’t reciprocated.

I was talking to my husband about this friend recently and he asked why it bothered me so much. I had plenty of close girlfriends, an active social life, a book club and lots of MNO events on my calendar. I had old friends who had been there through thick and thin for 20 years and new friends I’d just made through volunteering at my kids’ schools. 

Why was letting go to this one person so hard?

I think it was partly embarrassment. How long did I chase her down without realizing that she was trying to blow me off?

And I think it was partly disappointment. I want to be in that circle of friends who went to lunch last week or who took a long weekend shopping trip to Chicago. 

But most of all, I think it was frustration with myself. How can I toughen up my kids and show them how to love themselves and believe they are perfect just as they are, even if a friend breaks off a friendship? How can I teach them that when I can’t do it myself?

In the end, this person probably felt a more natural connection to other people. Or maybe she just found me downright annoying. I guess I’ll probably never know. But next time we cross paths, I am going to remind myself that I tried. That I was a good friend, and am a good friend. This friendship that didn’t quite work out as I had hoped will not define me or dictate how I feel about myself. I won’t let it. I can’t let it. 

I owe that much to myself and to the example I set for my kids. 

RELATED: I Don’t Have Many Friends, But I Have True Friendship

So next time we cross paths, I will hug her back. I will tell her that I’m “doing fine, thanks” and we will go our separate ways, linking arms with our real friends.

And maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be.

Forming true friendships can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be that way! We love the encouragement and insight in Friendish. Too busy to sit and read? You can listen here, on Audible.

Recommendations in this post contain affiliate links. Her View From Home may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase.

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at

Here’s to the Strong Ones Living with Type 1 Diabetes

In: Living
Pregnant mom on beach, black-and-white photo

This is a shout-out to all the sweet girls. The ones hustling so hard to live like normal. The ones with type 1 diabetes. Some of you have been living with diabetes as long as you have been breathing. Some of you are newly diagnosed and need to know someone who has been managing diabetes for years. I have been living with type 1 diabetes for 17 years, and I see you. Whether you have been diagnosed for 17 hours or 17 years, chances are I’ve felt what you feel too.  I’m here to tell you that type 1 diabetes...

Keep Reading

No Screens Before 7: How Our Family Broke Free of the Screentime Habit

In: Living, Motherhood
Kids using smartphones

“We still have three more minutes!” my 7-year-old says, bouncing with Christmas-like anticipation and excitement. “Well,” I say, looking from him to his 9-year-old sister, “what could you do for three minutes?” “Leg wrestle!” they exclaim and run to the carpeted living room. This life-filled exchange was not happening in my home just a couple of months ago.  In spite of my best efforts, screen time had taken over. Both the kids and I would slip into this zombie-like, space-time vortex. I would look up and know it wasn’t healthy, but it was just so easy to just keep on...

Keep Reading

You Don’t Have to Lose Yourself to Be a Good Mom

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman brushing wet hair

There is nothing wrong with losing yourself in motherhood. Diving in head first, serving your kids and spouse endlessly, never asking for a break, being proud for providing an amazing childhood for your kids, and allowing mom to become your entire identity. But what if you don’t want that?  When did this become the standard of motherhood we are all expected to achieve? Why does society say the best mom is the one that’s 110% physically and emotionally available for her kids all the time and never does anything for herself? Why are you less of a mom if you...

Keep Reading

Witch, Please! Hocus Pocus 2 Release Date Means the Sanderson Sisters Countdown Is ON

In: Living
Bette Middler in Hocus Pocus 2 on Disney+

“Lock up your children!” screeches Winifred Sanderson (played by Bette Midler) in the teaser trailer for Disney’s long-awaited Hocus Pocus 2 movie. But I say, “Mark your calendars!” Disney revealed the release date for this much-anticipated sequel and I’m happy to report that the Sanderson sisters will be flying above Salem and to your Disney+ stream on September 30th! The countdown is ON! Check out the trailer and get excited! But first, a confession:  I have to be honest, I was 16 when the original Hocus Pocus came out, but for some reason I never saw it until I was...

Keep Reading

Good Dads Make Great Grandpas

In: Grown Children, Living
Grandpa walking with two grandsons, color photo

This is not only written for my dad, but for all the dads out there who aren’t the typical, everyday dads. The hands-on dad, the dad who goes on bike rides, the dad who watches his grandbabies. The dad who creates a legacy whether he realizes it or not. The world needs more of you.  It’s not every day you get a dad who enters a diaper changing contest and comes in second place. Yes, that happened to my dad. He would take me up to the local mall to walk around and one of the stores was holding a...

Keep Reading

Dear Friend, I Don’t Want To Lose You

In: Friendship
Two women smiling, color photo

I’m sorry I don’t text you like I should. I’m sorry I don’t call you like I should. I’m sorry I don’t check in to see how you are. I’m sorry this friendship can feel one-sided at times. I’m sorry I’m so distant. The truth is I’m struggling. I’m struggling with life. I’m struggling with finances. I’m struggling with trying to please everyone and do everything. RELATED: Check on Your “Strong” Friend, She’s Faking it The problem is I try to please everyone—everyone who doesn’t matter. My problem is I’ve gotten so content with our friendship that I know you’ll...

Keep Reading

I Want You To Miss Your Childhood One Day Too

In: Kids, Living
Kids jumping off dock into lake

What I miss the most about childhood is owning my whole heart. Before I gave pieces of it away to others who weren’t always careful with it. And some, who never gave the pieces back. I miss my knowing. My absolute faith that my mother’s arms could fix just about everything and what her arms couldn’t, her cookies could. When my biggest grievance was not getting my way. I miss feeling whole, unblemished. Before words cut me. Before people had taken up space in my mind, created permanent movies that were ugly and still play on repeat at times. Before...

Keep Reading

I Traded My Body for This Full Life

In: Living, Motherhood
Happy family smiling

It was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I was cradling my firstborn child—my rainbow baby—tenderly in my arms as she contentedly nursed. I looked down at this beautiful miracle, unable to mirror her blissful content. Six weeks after the birth, I was still feeling like garbage. Being a first-time mom, I figured the fatigue was par for the course. My other symptoms, however, were suspect. Will I see my daughter grow up? were my thoughts as the streams of grief flowed, pooling on her swaddle. At my medical check-up, I brought my concerns to my doctor...

Keep Reading

The Truth is I’m Drowning

In: Living
Woman with hand on face sad

I find myself sinking. Really disappearing. Everyone around me sees me. They see my smile, my involvement, my willingness to please and participate. No one notices how easily I shift between despair and real tears and conforming to what the situation requires of me. Sometimes this shift happens within the matter of minutes.  Not waving, but drowning. I’m on a weight loss journey. The scale told me I am down just over four pounds. And I feel really good about that. I know I have another 15 to 20 to go, but I am four down. I made a promise...

Keep Reading

Older Kids with Special Needs Can Get Overlooked, and it’s Lonely

In: Living, Motherhood
Two hands held together next to a wheelchair, black-and-white photo

Middle school is tough. I have three girls—two of them now teenagers—so I know firsthand how tween insecurities can quickly spiral into friend drama and subtle bullying. I’ve watched my girls get left out and left behind, and we’ve had lots and lots of talks about what it means to be a good friend. And as much as I want to tell you it doesn’t hit differently with my third daughter, I can’t. Because it does. When your tween daughter is in a wheelchair and has endured—and is still enduring—health and physical challenges that would destroy an adult, a mama’s...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!


Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime