Wherever you are right now, you won’t be there tomorrow. Life just keeps crashing in, day by day, pushing in new and pulling out old. Sometimes that’s a good thing, especially in long and dry seasons filled with lots of ugly and hard. But more often than not, I’d love to just go back and watch it all unfold from an outsider’s perspective per se.

I’d watch the fondest moments of my childhood: catching lightning bugs, playing hide-n-seek or rover-red-rover with my cousins until dark, making new friends, meeting my father, hiking and building dams with my grandfather.

I’d watch the birthday parties, endless summers, and fun we had growing up. I’d go back and watch myself playing war with my great aunt at that oval kitchen table at my grandparents’ house.

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I’d watch my relationship with my husband unfold, just to see and re-experience the excitement I had for him, for us. I’d go back and watch my then dear friends, now mother-in-law and father-in-law, round the corner of that restaurant on a cold March night, as Chris and I surprised them with our relationship.

I’d watch my grandmother on the beach the day after our wedding, taking in the vast expanse of ocean and some of our favorite people—just days before she died.

I’d watch telling my husband the first time we were pregnant, and then I’d watch the few short hours we had with our sweet boy Carson before we said our earthly goodbyes.

I’d go back and watch us meeting our daughter Mia Grace for the first time. I’d watch my husband, holding my hand and encouraging me with each push as each of our boys entered the world and gasped their first God-given breath of life.

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I’d watch and re-celebrate every milestone with my babies. I’d watch my friendshipsthe real onesebb and flow as life changes and shapes each one of us.

I’d watch all the firsts and the lasts. I’d watch so much more.

And I’d tell myself: You are strong. You can do hard things. Push harder when you need to, but let go of what you can. Opinions of you mean nothing: Let go. Free yourself from the chains of oppression.

I’d say breathe in and move forward because the waves are still crashingbringing in new and taking out oldand that is life. Laugh, cry, get mad, forgive, and love so hard. Cherish it, find joy in it, and watch it all unfold right here, right now because you won’t be in this exact spot tomorrow.

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Amanda Crews

Amanda is a follower of Jesus, wife to Chris, and mama to Carson in Heaven, and Mia, Arie, and Mateo here on Earth. She offers Christian encouragement on her website http://www.sanctifiedbylove.com. She also enjoys reading, writing, cooking/baking, traveling, and investing in relationships.

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