Why I Choose To Stay Home

A Gift for Mom! 🤍

“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.” Matthew 5:8 (MSG)

Phew. Thank goodness when I became a mom I had all my shitake together!

My baggage was neatly unpacked and I greeted my first born son with a deer in the Friday Night Lights mentality: clear eyes, full heart, can’t lose.

Yeah right.

Truth be told, my inside world was a tangled mess when motherhood found me. My heart and mind needed more cleanups than a toddler in her glory. Just when I thought I’d swept out the last crumb, a new age or stage would present new messes and reasons to 409 the inner me.

Our mom hearts overflow with love of course. But not everything stemming from the heart is pure gold. Anger, impatience, selfishness, neediness, fear, anxiety, insecurity bubbled up and out of my ticker – all fruits of a broken spirit.

My mind also needed a thorough disinfecting. The germs of worry, despair, low self-worth, and shame festered – byproducts of toxic childhood experiences.

Raising kids has a way of stirring the pot of cellular unrest. Learning to see and acknowledge the clutter inside us takes hard work. Which is why God invented S.O.S. pads I guess. Clever guy.

And his cleverness goes toe-to-toe with the wisdom instilled in his son. Jesus tells us, “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right.”

Sounds wonderful on paper. Problem lies in the execution. Our mom world ticks and tocks at blazing speed. How are we to find time to scour our spirit when running around like chickens missing a body part?

Becoming a mom changes us deeply. Our core comes into the light, revealing emotions and reactions we never saw coming. The transformation can be positive or negative.

In my case, what I learned about myself weighed heavier on the scale of for the worse. Turns out I (had) have a big ego needing a thorough wash-up. Sacks of garbage in my heart formed walls preventing abundant love to flow from and towards my family.

One such bag of waste accumulated after foregoing my career as a professional at a Big 6 accounting firm. Walking away felt amazing at first because leaving my kids with a full-time caregiver tore me up at night. Transitioning to a smaller company and working part-time created precious time with my kids during the week. After my second son was born, my company allowed me to work from home. While being around the kids everyday was a blessing, trying to find quiet time to actually do the work was a challenge.

When number three came along, daughter, I hung up the accounting pen and paper for good and became a full-time stay at home mom. God graciously provided all we needed.

At some point, the honeymoon of staying home wore off. The little foxes of insecurity and low self-worth crept into my heart. Questions like, “What is a smart woman like you staying home?” festered in my psyche.

Every time I’d hear the inevitable, “So, what do you do?” my neck muscles would tighten. An energetic, “Well, I used to be an accountant at Arthur Andersen…” always preceded a subdued, “…and now I stay home with the kids.”

Sounds shallow and pathetic on paper, but I’m daring to be honest. Please don’t get me wrong. I loved my kids with every fiber, but a piece of my heart felt lost, empty, unappreciated. My value in the world was secretly tethered to outside perceptions of my abilities.

The drudgery of endless housework washed away the prestige of working in corporate America. And webs of guilt and shame entangled my emotions every time I imagined the grass being greener on the other side of my stay at home role.

My heart and mind needed a makeover and God delivered. He didn’t speak to me through burning bushes or dirty diapers, but used beautiful, Godly friends to transform my heart.

One of my girlfriends was a self-assured stay at home mom. She showed me with actions and encouraged me with words the high calling and beautiful vocation of motherhood. She reminded me my worth and confidence comes from knowing who I am in Christ – a beloved daughter deemed worthy to be a mom.

My mindset changed from I need to be out in the world using my brain to there is no greater gift than staying home with my children. Once I convinced my brain that my intelligence as an accountant paled in comparison to my ability to love and provide as a parent, my heart transformed.

The truth is, we can’t take a career to Heaven. But we can take a healthy heart and leave a joyful footprint behind. Staying home is the greatest choice I ever made – for me. I have the utmost respect for those who manage a career and raise amazing kids – the best choice for them.

Getting right in my heart and mind opened my eyes to the outside world. And Jesus tells us the clearing out actually fills us up because, “Then you can see God in the outside world.”

A blessing much needed in our world today, help us, Jesus…

Read more from Shelby at all of her Beatitudes for Parents below:

The Reward Of Caring – (5th mantra)

Emotional Eating Vs. Spiritual Snacking – (4th mantra)

The Importance of Self Love in Mothering – (3rd mantra)

Why Emotional Losses Mean Motherhood Gain – (2nd mantra)

To The Mom Who Is At The End Of Her Rope – (1st mantra)

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Beatitudes Beatitudes for Parents Faith stay at home mom

Shelby Spear

A self-described sappy soul whisperer, sarcasm aficionado, and love enthusiast, Shelby is a mom of 3 Millennials writing about motherhood and life from her empty nest. She is the co-author of the book, How Are You Feeling, Momma? (You don't need to say, "I'm fine.") , and you can find her stories in print at Guideposts, around the web at sites like Her View From Home, For Every Mom, Parenting Teens & Tweens and on her blog shelbyspear.com.

I Lost My Sight at 16—But It Wasn’t the End of My Vision

In: Faith

After my father shot me, I lay in a hospital bed, and my world went dark. I was 16 years old. The injury left me completely blind. But the darkness didn’t stop there. As my physical sight disappeared, something else came into focus—the depth of the wounds I had carried long before that moment, wounds I had never fully allowed myself to see. For years, I had learned how to survive without asking too many questions. I had learned how to minimize what hurt, how to explain things away, how to keep moving forward as if everything were normal. But...

Keep Reading

Ministry Starts Inside Your Own Four Walls

In: Faith

When people hear the word ministry, they often think of missionaries, or the pastor who preaches every Sunday, but in our home, ministry belongs to all of us—even our kids. Growing up, I didn’t think of myself as a ministry kid. Still, when my dad packed our old Astro for the summer and we all piled in, we were on mission. Each kid had a part to play in my dad’s evangelical magic shows (yes, you read that right!). My brother would juggle, my older sister sang, my middle sister flipped the projector slides that shone pictures of Jesus on...

Keep Reading

These Holy Small Things

In: Faith, Motherhood

My 8-year-old-daughter has recently taken up sewing, to my simultaneous delight and chagrin. My delight because I too love sewing; my chagrin because her enthusiasm often outpaces my own abilities, namely, in the undertaking of tedious projects with no pattern. Take, for example, the cloth doll diaper we designed and stitched up together. Granted, the design was fairly basic to draw up and scale. But the minuscule nature of the work, both for my hands and head, was enough to throw me into existential questioning. It was one of those moments when you wonder how the sum of your life...

Keep Reading

Life Lessons from My Grown Children

In: Faith, Motherhood

“Don’t limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time.” – Rabindranath Tagore Quietly communing with a loved one in the early morning hours is such an intimate and precious time. Visiting with one’s grown child when all is dark and still is one of life’s purest pleasures. I remember the conversation clearly. My daughter’s husband, small children, and father were all asleep as we whispered and chatted. She and I are both fidgeters by nature, unable to be still for long. This inner restlessness must be remedied, and we are compelled by biology to...

Keep Reading

My Prayer Is Simple Now: “I Believe; Help My Unbelief.”

In: Faith

I have spent most of my life in faith. Not circling it or analyzing it from a distance, but inside it—learning its language before I even realized I was learning it, shaping myself around it in ways that felt as natural as breathing. I was raised in Christian Science, which is a very particular kind of faith. It’s not really about “believing” in the way most people think. It’s about understanding. Aligning your thoughts with what is ultimately true about God and reality. If you can understand rightly, you can be well. If you can see clearly, healing follows. So...

Keep Reading

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

In: Faith, Living

Insecurity is something we all carry in one form or another. For me, it has probably always looked confident and outgoing from the outside. But internally, it can feel heavy, complicated, and exhausting at times. And when someone comes along whose behavior reinforces those insecurities, it amplifies what was already there. There was someone I had hoped to genuinely connect with, but it was clear from the start that the feeling wasn’t mutual. From the beginning, their wall was up. No matter how kind I tried to be or how carefully I showed up, it never came down. Their distance...

Keep Reading

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

In: Faith

Woman walking in field with hand in wheat

Hannah knew what it was like to feel forgotten. She often clutched her empty womb and thought Surely the Lord has forgotten me. She knew the bitter sting of feeling isolated and alone. She knew the anguish of praying day after day after day and seeing no fruit, not even a bud, from her faithfulness. Hannah knew what it was like to feel like the weight of the world was on her, and her hope may have dwindled. Even those around her did not offer encouragement. Quite the opposite—they did their best to sow seeds of discouragement. Yet Hannah pressed...

Keep Reading

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood

“Ahhh!” My underwater scream garbled in my snorkel tube as the manta ray’s cavernous mouth swept a hand’s distance from my face. My fingers tightened around the surfboard until my knuckles ached. My arms trembled. I jerked my head side to side, searching for my daughters, Mia and Megan. Recent college graduates, they had joined me on one last mother-daughter vacation before launching their adult lives. They floated easily on the vibrant Hawaiian water, relaxed, trusting. I wanted to borrow their calm. Earlier, our guide had explained that the LED lights built into the surfboard attracted plankton the way college...

Keep Reading

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

In: Faith, Motherhood

My pastor frequently speaks of “kid pain” and acknowledges there’s nothing like it. I can testify to that. After nine months of uncertainty and unexplained issues following the birth of our now 4-year-old daughter, Harlow, we finally received her diagnosis of Pyruvate Dehydrogenase Complex Deficiency (PDCD), a life-limiting mitochondrial disease with no cure and no FDA-approved treatments. It was heartbreaking. In moments like these, a parent can fall into complete desperation. You go through a range of emotions almost too fast to name: fear for your child’s life; anxiousness about how much time you’ll get with them; overwhelming grief. And...

Keep Reading

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

In: Faith

There have been many times over the years when I’ve heard others share stories of how the Lord spoke to them or gave them a sign. Seashells scattered along a sandy beach, numbered to represent how many children they would have. A quiet walk in the park, followed by a clear sense that another little one was coming. What a blessing, I think, when I hear and read their stories. I often wonder how much more faith they must have than I do—to know with such certainty that what they heard was truly God speaking. I listen, I smile, and...

Keep Reading

Gone Too Soon: You Can Help This Grieving Family

Child Loss

Gone Too Soon: You Can Help This Grieving Family

First Impressions Aren't What They Seem: Why We Should All Remember This Lesson

Inspiration

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Shelby Spear

I Lost My Sight at 16—But It Wasn’t the End of My Vision

Ministry Starts Inside Your Own Four Walls

These Holy Small Things

Life Lessons from My Grown Children

My Prayer Is Simple Now: “I Believe; Help My Unbelief.”

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

Why I Choose To Stay Home

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

I Lost My Sight at 16—But It Wasn’t the End of My Vision

Ministry Starts Inside Your Own Four Walls

These Holy Small Things

Life Lessons from My Grown Children

My Prayer Is Simple Now: “I Believe; Help My Unbelief.”

Your Worth Is Not Someone Else’s To Measure

Lord, Give Me Faith Like Hannah

God Carries Me Through the Deep Waters of Change

Faith After a Rare Disease Diagnosis

What If I Don’t Hear God’s Voice?

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like