By Tara Hanratty 
We rarely go out in public without hearing comments about our large family. By today’s standards, four kids is apparently jaw-dropping. I’d be shocked to make it home from a public outing without hearing, “Are they all yours?” or, “Wow, your hands must be full.” I want to believe these comments don’t come from a bad place. However, they are unwarranted, and YES, we know how babies are made.
All of our kids were hoped for. We always liked the idea of a big family. They weren’t accidents, and they weren’t an attempt to finally “get our girl,” as most people assumed.
A part of me has always been left to overthink that maybe people around me don’t see me as able enough. That in others’ eyes, my struggles and worries have been what define me as a mother. I’m no stranger to struggling with postpartum anxiety. Sharing these words so openly is something I never would have done early on in motherhood. I’ve worked hard to navigate my struggles, and I openly share this side of myself even though I know it comes with judgment.
Before our last baby, I recall sharing our hope to have more kids. Some met us with “Are you guys crazy?” and others flat out said, “You cannot have more kids.” The rare gem would tell us we would add more love to our life and that we were great parents, so we should “go for it.” But those words were rare. The wide eyes and nodding smile usually spoke for themselves.
Sharing the news of our most recent addition never gave me the warm and fuzzy feeling I remembered getting with our firstborn. It always broke a little piece of my heart when we were met with anything other than joy. This was our baby. A missing piece of our puzzle. Someone we already loved abundantly before even meeting them.
When I think of our life at this moment, I guess it is chaotic. Yes, I’m tired. Somedays (or most days) I yearn for a break. I often crave a moment of silence or feel tapped out. Yet, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Strangers passing by see the micro picture of our life right now. They see the chaos, the mess, the grind.
They fail to see the future. The foyer filled with shoes because their friends gather here and see it as their second home. Our dinner table surrounded by laughs and good conversation. And of course, the added love we hope to one day have when our children find their soulmates and grow their own families.
People will always have something to say. If you have one child, they are missing out on a sibling. If you have three, someone will always be left out. If you have four (or more), you have too many. Just boys? You will never have that bond with a daughter. Only girls? Who will carry the family name?
At the end of the day, you can’t please everyone, and it’s not your responsibility to. So grow your family in whatever way feels right and in whatever capacity you are capable of. Whether you have one or 10, your family is perfect for you.
Originally published on the author’s Instagram page
by Ashley Bufe 
by Becky Weigel 
