So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

I had to pry your fingers off, one by one, when I dropped you off today.

You clung to me with such tenacity, such determination, because some part of you told you that you couldn’t do this without me.

I gave you a hug and a kiss, handed you to your teacher, waved goodbye and told you I would be back in the afternoon to pick you up. I headed out the door, leaving an air of feigned confidence in my path.

All you saw was me walking away.

You saw me, the one who is supposed to protect you and guide you, leaving you behind.

Little did you know, little one, that I was there long after you thought I had left.

I saw you cry. I saw you kick and scream and tell your teacher this was not what you wanted. I saw you struggle to keep it together and protest that you wanted mama. You didn’t want any of this. You didn’t understand why I had abandoned you and left you alone.

I saw you, but you didn’t see me.

I stood in the hallway, right where the two corridors connect, in a corner where I could peek through a small gap that gave me a view of the playground. I stayed right where I could hear your voice, and could intermittently see you through the window.

I admit that I lingered there for an embarrassingly long time, lowering my eyes and half smiling with self-deprecation as other parents passed me by with knowing, empathetic looks. They knew. This is what we do. I didn’t leave until I knew you were engaged in an activity, until I knew you had settled down a little.

Even on the days when I have to leave straight away, you are on my mind, constantly. I call up your classroom and ask your teachers how you’re doing. Sometimes, it’s every couple of hours. Sometimes, I have to garner every last drop of willpower in my being into waiting for every half hour to check in.

Sometimes, I cry in the car after dropping you off, because my heart knows your struggle. Sometimes, driving away as quickly as possible is all I can do to keep myself from running right back in and wrapping you up in my arms and never, ever leaving your side again.

And on a day like today, when I felt the tears well up as I stared at the roof of the car and tried to exhale away the weight of the universe on my heart to try to stop it from shattering into a million pieces, I felt like He then wrapped me up in His arms and whispered to me:

“And all this time, you thought I had left you alone.”

Sweet little one, this is a lesson I want you to remember, because it is one even I often forget.

Sometimes, you will feel like He has walked away and left you behind.

You will look around for Him, searching and wondering why He has abandoned you.

You will struggle, and you will feel pain. How can you love someone and then just leave her to suffer? You will wonder why He isn’t here to protect you and guide you, like He always said He would.

You will cry and scream and feel angry. You might give up on Him and think, “You don’t even care. You just left me here and walked away. This is so difficult, so impossible, so unbelievably painful, and You walked away.”

And then, I hope, you will realize that He is still there. He was there the whole time, watching you through the glass. He was constantly checking in, always aware of the fact that this was difficult for you, but fully confident that you had the capacity to handle this.

He has full faith in you. Maybe you couldn’t see Him or feel His presence. Maybe you had no inkling that He was in any way invested in your pain.

But He was there. He is there.

He never left.

What you think is Him leaving you to suffer alone, is Him planting you in the soil of hardship so you can flourish.

What you think is an experience only designed to bring you pain and struggle, is often when you will experience the most growth and strength.

When I leave you, maybe your faith in me wavers, and you wonder if what you thought was your unshakeable trust in me was mistakenly placed. Maybe you wonder how, if I loved you, I could leave you in this alone.

But just like when it feels like He has left us on our own, I never really left, baby girl.

In fact, during times like these which I know can be so difficult for you, I think of you and pray for you and cry for you and hope for you with more strength and love than I ever have. I am more invested than ever in your struggle, because I know that through it, you will grow.

So next time I walk away, baby, think of Him.

Think of the fact that although you can’t see me, I am closer to you than you ever thought, and will never leave you behind.

And neither will He.

You might also like:

Because One Day, She Will Have to Walk Away

Why Tired Mothers Stay Up So Late

To My Last Born Child – This is It

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here! 

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

Fall into the Arms of Jesus, Little One

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Child walking

I have three younger brothers, so I know how crazy and wild boys can be. Lots of falls, cuts, scrapes, bruises, broken bones, and even a couple of head stitches. My husband has two younger brothers. He’d always tell how they used to jump from the banister down two floors onto the glass coffee table. Why anyone would do that, I have no idea. Pure madness and chaos.  Right now, I have a little baby boy who’s only seven months, but I know he will probably be just as wild as his uncles and dad. But that doesn’t mean I’m...

Keep Reading

10 Tips to Banish Teenage FOMO

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Teen with red hair smiling

Do you ever feel like the whole world is having a party—and you weren’t invited Maybe you worry about being included in the right groups or invited to the right sleepovers. Maybe you envy the relationships you see at school or youth group or feel jealous of the perfect social media posts showing others making memories together. If you’re a teen in 2022, you’re probably well acquainted with the fear of missing out. Knowing or wondering what you’re missing or who is getting together without you can leave you feeling lonely. It can leave you lonely and a little blue....

Keep Reading

I’m So Thankful For This Little Family

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Toddler boy and infant girl, color photo

I remember my teenage self dreaming, hoping, and praying for a life like I have now. Praying for a man to love me, to be loyal to me, to want a family with me, to provide for me, to show me what stability felt like and what it felt like to not ever have to worry . . . and here he is right in front of me. I remember my teenage self dreaming, hoping, praying for a house I could make a home and raise my family in. Here it is right in front of me. But most of...

Keep Reading

How I Like My Coffee

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother and daughter drink coffee

I like my coffee with hazelnut creamer and a dash of almond milk. I like my coffee cold and neglected on the countertop because I’m busy soothing my new baby boy, the one who has made me a mother. In my long robe and slippers, I pace the kitchen floor and hold my swaddled son close to my heart. When his fussing grows quiet, I can hear the ticking of the big clock in the den. The dawn slowly reveals itself, brightening the kitchen in increments. It’s hard to imagine keeping my eyes open until he’s ready to nap again....

Keep Reading

Compassion Holds My Heart

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Child hugging mother

I lean my head in through the window of his van. The first thing I notice is the funny smell. Like cigarettes. And maybe body odor. The second? His tired, wrinkle-lined eyes. They’re dull, lethargic even. My daughter scrunches up her nose. I give her that look and try to hide my own misgivings. But Compassion climbs in the car with me.  And as the taxi driver guides the car toward our destination, I ask him about his story. Turns out he’s been driving all night. Till 5:30 this morning. Taking people home who were too drunk to drive themselves....

Keep Reading

I Was the Girl Who Ran Away From God

In: Faith
Woman standing in grass, black-and-white photo

I was the girl. I was the girl who’d do anything to get high as a teenager. I was the girl who craved love and just wanted to be wanted. I was the girl who wasn’t afraid of anything. I was the girl who stopped believing there was a God. I was the girl who said I would never go back to church. I was the girl who was certain none of it was real anyway because I was wasting my time going places like that. I was the girl who let the heartache and disappointment of this old world...

Keep Reading

I Prayed for You Before I Knew You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding baby, color photo

Baby, I have prayed for you—even before I knew who you would be.  I prayed I would be a mom one day when I was too little to know what I was praying for and again when I really thought my body would not be able to carry a baby. I prayed for you.  I prayed every day as you grew in my belly that you would be healthy, happy, and strong.  I prayed at every doctor’s appointment and scan that I would hear your heartbeat loud and strong.  I prayed for your arrival—for you to be safe and for...

Keep Reading

Dear Mom, I Miss You

In: Faith, Grief
Grown woman and her mother, color photo

Dear Mom, Yesterday I went over to your house. I was hoping you would open the door, but Daddy greeted me with his sweet smile. Yes, he still has a mustache. The one you hate, but I did manage to trim it up for him. I cut his hair too.   We talked about you over coffee and waited for you to join us, but you never did. He’s doing his best to do this life without you in it, but his eyes are clouded with memories and mixed with pain. He misses you, Momma. RELATED: I Didn’t Just Lose...

Keep Reading

Spaghetti Sauce Faith

In: Faith, Marriage, Motherhood
Mother and little girl holding a bowl of spaghetti, color photo

It was Sunday afternoon, and I was loading my grocery cart higher than I ever had in my life. My husband and I, along with our two kids under two years old, had been living with his parents for three months. We moved from our Florida home to look for a house in Georgia, and they graciously took us in. This was the day I loaded up on groceries—filling an empty refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. My shopping list was all the things. I needed to buy the smallest of table ingredients like salt and garlic powder to the big things...

Keep Reading

Dear Introverted Mom, Take that Break

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman outside with book and food

I am alone, in a hotel room, 20 minutes from home, lying back in the crisp bed, feet propped up on billowing white pillows. A good book is in my hand. The large window beside me overlooks the Mississippi River as the sun slowly sets and people unwind for a southern Louisiana evening in downtown Baton Rouge. I’ll probably order room service for dinner. I spent the afternoon at the coffee shop across the street, sipping on a deliciously caffeinated beverage carefully made to my liking. I ate a delicate snack filled with fruits, fancy lettuce, and expensive cheese while...

Keep Reading

5 Secrets to the

BEST Summer Ever!

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Creating simple summer memories

with your kids that will  last a lifetime