Relationships

What I Learned About the Power of Women Supporting Women from Watching “The Bachelor”

Written by Stacey Philpot

You saw the title and you’re already rolling your eyes. I know. In truth, “The Bachelor” is largely about thirty women all competing for the affections of one man while looking fabulous and guzzling alarmingly large amounts of adult beverages. They travel to exotic locations and spend a few hours with a man they may potentially marry, all while hurling profanities at one another.

Why would any self-respecting person allow themselves to become sucked into this train wreck? For me, the answer is twofold. The first is leaves me feeling quite naked and ashamed. Sometimes I just need brain-free time. I want something I can half-watch while I’m scanning Facebook or getting my angry RA joints iced up for the day. The second is stranger still. The psychology major in me likes watching the interactions. Why did this girl respond to rejection in this way? Why does she view herself as unworthy? Why is this man so controlling? I enjoy watching the interpersonal relationships unfold, even if they are fake and unhealthy. (You should probably be praying for me more.)

I should confess to you, I can’t stand this season’s bachelor, Nick Vial. I’ve never been a fan and this season has only made this truer. I find him to be selfish, condescending, and a womanizer. (I was being kind there.)

To be quite honest, I spent most of this season, silently counseling the girls to go home and find a man worthy of them, a man who would love and honor them and them alone. Shockingly, not one of them listened. None of them, did I plead more strongly for, than the stunning and strong Kristina. If you, too, have been sucked into the train wreck, you know exactly whom I’m talking about.

Raised in an orphanage in Russia, on her one on one date with Nick, she tells him of being cast out on her own at the age of five or six, after having eaten only lipstick one day. Kristina has a beauty that emanates from within and transcends her outer shell.

Last night, I watched my dvr’ed version of the “After the Final Rose” episode. I had to fast forward the majority of the first half as it was consumed by unintelligible arguing.

Then, they brought Kristina up. She spoke of the difficulty of being vulnerable. She spoke of friends from the orphanage reaching out to her since the show aired. The camera panned to the other ladies, many sobbing. Liz, a stunning “contestant” who left early on spoke up to say how much she admired Kristina. She took the words out of my mouth.

Privilege is a word that ruffles many feathers these days, but what other word can you use, when Kristina talks about how having stayed in Russia would have most likely meant a life of prostitution and Liz says, “We don’t realize how much privilege we are born into here. We are all sitting here arguing when we should be supporting one another.”

For the first time, the women are silent. Kristina looks like she has sprouted wings and could soar. With the support of these women, there’s nothing she cannot do. Finally, done tearing one another apart, and focused on what really matters, they are quieted and empowered. Finally.

Isn’t this how it is in all of our lives? Whether we’ve chosen to put our quest for love on national television or risked it all for the dream job, when the women around us decide to support us, we sprout wings and can soar.

To all the women in my world, who’ve given me wings, today I celebrate you. May we all link arms and take over the world together.

And to the women on the next season of The Bachelor, go home? You deserve a man who has eyes for you and you alone. Sprout wings and soar, all the way home.

About the author

Stacey Philpot

Stacey is an author, goofball and avid reader. You can find her blog at http://chronicallywhole.com/ where she endeavors to encourage other warriors like herself along in their journey of battling for health and discovering wholeness. She is mom to Hayden and Avery, stepmom to Julie and wife to Ryan (a smarty pants who works at NASA and logs their whole life on spreadsheets and pie charts, true story!) She has a strange affinity for eating whole meals in bed (don’t tell anyone) and is convinced smelling old books will make her smarter.