Ornaments, Candles, Tees and More! Order Soon for Christmas Delivery!🎄 ➔

“I walk up the stairs and I open the door. I look inside just to be sure that no one’s there and I walk inside. I turn around and I shut the door tight.

And I feel a tear roll down my cheek. Then I watch it hit the floor. The next thing coming down is my life. I’m not sure what I’m living for anymore.

But it’s alright and it’s okay, and I look to the sky for a better day, but I don’t see one. And it’s alright and it’s okay. I bet they won’t miss me anyway.

I walk over to my bed and I sit down and pull it closer to my heart. Then I hear feet running up the stairs and I see two eyes peak in to see who’s there. She sees my hands and I hear her run away and now I know it’s now or never.

And I feel a tear roll down my cheek. Then I watch it hit the floor. The next thing coming down is my life. I’m not sure what I’m living for anymore. 

But it’s alright and it’s okay, and I look to the sky for a better day, but I don’t see one. And it’s alright and it’s okay. I bet they won’t miss me anyway.

I hear the feet again, but this time it’s four. And I’m not sure if I want to do this anymore. The feet are coming closer, so fast. The next thing I hear is the great blast and as they open the door, everything goes black. 

And I feel a tear roll down my cheek. Then I watch it hit the floor. The next thing coming down is my life. I’m not sure what I’m living for anymore.

But it’s alright and it’s okay, and I look to the sky for a better day, but I don’t see one. And it’s alright and it’s okay. I bet they won’t miss me anyway.

I open my eyes and I look around. I listen but I don’t hear a sound. Then I look at the four walls of my room and I smile because I’m so glad I’m home. 

I feel a tear roll down my cheek. Then I watch it hit the floor. My sister walks over and gives me a hug. Now I know exactly what I’m living for.

And it’s all good and it’s gonna be okay and I look to the skies for a better day and I think I see one. And it’s alright and it’s okay and I’m so glad that I’m alive today and it’s going to be okay.”

Wow… Listening to this song again today nearly brought me to my knees. I wrote the lyrics to this song when I was in high school and even went as far as to record it on a CD with 7 other songs that I sold to whoever would buy it.

These are the words I wish I could have shared with the young lady from Kearney, Nebraska whose life was ended too soon a few weeks ago. I wish I could have sat with her and shared with her the story I’m about to share with you. Because although it seems like a cliche, it truly does get better. 

Now, let me just put a disclaimer, here, because I’m not talking about depression. I am not a therapist and I have limited personal experience on the topic, so all I will say to that end, is if you are struggling with depression (or if you even think you’re struggling with depression) you’re not alone. Please seek professional help. It does not make you any less of a person and it’s not something you should try to deal with on your own. 

What I am talking about is growing up. High school. Finding yourself. Making mistakes with everyone watching. Being teased. Being put down. Being bullied. Feeling insecure. Struggling with low self esteem at a young age. Trying hard to fit in. Not quite knowing where you belong. 

Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt. And I am here to tell you… It. Gets. Better. (SO MUCH BETTER!)

I hated high school, and I don’t use that word lightly. In fact, there was a good chunk of high school where I actually hated my life. I felt so confused on why I wasn’t like everyone else. I wasn’t teased ruthlessly, but I was teased. And I had incredibly low self esteem.

Fast forward years later (I’m not going to admit how many years), and here I am. I’ve made mistakes in my life. I’ve gone through some pretty rough times. But it’s (almost) all been uphill from high school. 

I know who I am. I’m proud of who I am. I’m happy. I have great friends with similar interests and that like me for me. I love my life. 

So, my dear sweet girl (or young man), it gets better. It truly does. Take it from a woman who once wrote those terrifying lyrics above.

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Lacy Jo Donald

I, like many mothers, can't remember my life before I had children. I adore my children and love to spend time with them. I also love my job, God and my family!

It’s Another Christmas Without You

In: Grief, Loss
Woman hanging red ornament on tree

It’s that time of year. Everyone shines a little brighter, everything shimmers a little more. The cooler temps create a cozy atmosphere inside bringing family and friends together. For many, this time of year is both magical and lonely. Both bright and dim. Both cozy and uncomfortable. Grief has a way of sneaking up on you like that. It finds you where you are and sits with you.  RELATED: My Heart Is Broken This Christmas Without You This is the reality for those who have lost a loved one. There are many adjectives to describe loss. It affects everyone differently...

Keep Reading

Can You Grieve Someone You Never Knew?

In: Grief, Loss
Back of woman's head and braid looking at water

We love.  We lose.  We mourn.  Grief is a beautiful testament to someone we’ve loved, with whom we’ve built a relationship, and who holds a special place in our memories. But what about those we’ve never met? Is it possible to grieve someone we don’t know? The answer is yes.  In fact, this is more common than one would think. On a large scale, we need only look at celebrities and people of influence, and we will see this truth. How sad was the passing of Robin Williams? Here was a man who brought so much joy to the world....

Keep Reading

The Fragile Heart of Grief

In: Grief
Dandelion blowing in the wind

I started planting roses, and for a few years, it was this peaceful respite that I looked forward to each summer. Radiant petals would bloom, rising out of cold, lifeless soil bursting into an explosion of color. In early May, I started the cycle again and for weeks the roses were vibrant and rich with life. My dad died, and I realized I was no better at grief than I had been before. For two days we clung to the tiniest sliver of hope. We showed up, we stood vigil, we prayed, we cried. I watched my mom, my sisters,...

Keep Reading

When Mom Died, We Had Tea

In: Grief, Grown Children, Living
Table set as a tea party with framed picture of a woman, color photo

My mom was never, ever without a cup of Lipton’s tea. Like a dear friend, it held her hand, kept her warm, provided comfort. She boiled water in her navy-speckled kettle, then poured it into a cup and, completely ignoring the recommended four-minute steep instructions, immediately lifted it to her lips. It always mystified me how her mouth didn’t suffer third-degree burns. Mom’s penchant for thriftiness compelled her to use the same tea bag multiple times; only when it disintegrated and leaf particles floated to the surface did she accept defeat and reach for a fresh yellow packet. RELATED: Moments...

Keep Reading

My Mother Raised Me To Go On Without Her

In: Grief, Grown Children
Mother and grown daughter smiling in selfie

“The kids are spending the night at Grandma’s, and I’m eyeballs deep in Fritos while catching up on all my trash TV shows.” “I had to rush my son to urgent care, but thankfully my mom was able to stay with the three other kiddos while I took care of him.”  “I feel so lost when it comes to homeschooling; thankfully, my mom did it too, so she’s been an amazing guide to have.” To most people, these sentences might seem like wonderful, blessed bits of praise from a daughter about her mother, but to me, they’re like daggers straight...

Keep Reading

Dear Loss Mom, Grieve Your Baby In Heaven Without Guilt

In: Baby, Grief, Loss

My third baby was due on October 19, 2019. Instead, she was born into heaven on March 24, 2019. Not only do I grieve her more in October than in other months because of her due date, but I also grieve for so many other parents who have also lost their children.  RELATED: A Letter To My Mama From Your Baby In Heaven Pregnancy loss is such a strange journey to walk through. I’m years into it, and there are still days when the grief hits and the tears come and I can’t breathe. On other days, I am so...

Keep Reading

My Sister and I Return To Childhood To Grieve Our Mother

In: Grief
Two women, sitting on swings, color photo

“Grief is itself a medicine,” William Cowper. Everyone processes grief differently. The day after our mother’s death, my sister and I began our grief journey and took up swinging. Not that kind of swinging, Heaven forbid! No. What we chose instead was the weightless, transformational lightness of being that only a tried and true piece of playground equipment can supply.  That morning my sister and I waited rather anxiously for hospice (blessed hospice!) to pick up that wretched hospital bed. We wanted it gone, banished from our sight forever. When the truck carrying the bed and other supplies disappeared down...

Keep Reading

She Was Just a Dog…and So Much More

In: Grief, Living
Young woman in car with dog, same woman years later with dog, color photo

She was just a dog. One of my least favorite sayings is “it’s just a dog” when people comment on how much we love our pets—be it a dog, cat, lizard, chicken, hamster, etc. They’re not wrong . . . Harley was “just” a dog. One random spring morning I asked my mom if I could get a dog of my own. She was working and sick of the phone calls. She said I just had to ask dad. Well, we already had two dogs, so I didn’t have high hopes. Cue dad. He was just about to lie down to take...

Keep Reading

I Wish I Had the Chance to Be Friends with My Mom

In: Grief, Motherhood
Portrait shot of woman, color photo

Dear Mom, I never got the chance to appreciate you as a mother. There was so much life still to do. And not just the big milestones. I’m talking about the parts when daughters grow into mothers themselves and have the chance to appreciate their moms for everything they did for them. The chance to get to know their own mother as a person instead of just a parent. You left this earth soon after I became I mother myself. And now I sit here and think back on memories of you from when I was growing up. And, oh,...

Keep Reading

The Faith and Fear of Trying for a Rainbow Baby

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Pregnant woman sitting on living room floor

When we decided to start a family we dove in head first. After having been together for five years and married for a year, we were ready. It was September when we decided to give it a go. By mid-December, I took a test. My first positive pregnancy test. I had a life growing inside me! I’ll never forget my husband’s smile when I told him. We embraced and cried together. We couldn’t believe it could be this easy. The next few weeks consisted of a wave of pregnancy symptoms and before I knew it, we were going to the...

Keep Reading