I am a Boy-Mom. Truly. I have three boys. 7, 5, and 2. We are in the thick of boydom. And while I know there’s a great debate about putting children in a “box” let me assure you, we have dolls and pink in this all boy house and yet, there are some things that just scream BOY BOY BOY!
Here’s my short list of things that are all boy joy in our casa…
1. Tape on the walls. I don’t know why. I don’t know when. But I just know that my boys find any roll of tape within a 24 mile radius and spread Scotch joy all over the surfaces of our home.
2. Penises everywhere. It’s just a fact. Tug. Rub. Make it dance. Almost always have it clutched like it’s the last cup of coffee on earth after a sleepless night. As young as 3 months I can recall one of our three boys grabbing his penis during a diaper change and giggling.
3. Goo on the floor. I don’t know what to call it, but there is a layer of schmootz that graces the base of every toilet seat under our roof and it takes scraping and turpentine to banish its presence.
4. Wrestling. It’s like new world order in my house on any given Tuesday. Headlock is a word typical to any sentence. And I’ve thought of purchasing singlets for daily attire.
5. Farts are hysterical. Especially should mama ever fart. To boys, mom farts seem like unicorns. And are truly fodder for days. Sometimes I fart just to make sure they know women and men are equal. And that women can do everything men can.
6. Scents for days. I got in my car the other day and noticed a stench. A lingering must that seems to be collecting in every crevice. I don’t know what it is except to call it “boy.” And it’s gross.
7. Colored furniture. The best thing I ever did pre-children… red couches. They hide blood. They don’t seem to show snot. And I can rub poop out of them. And yes, we’ve tested that theory on several (millions) of occasions.
8. Noise. Sure. You think your girls are squealy… rent my boys for a few days. I’ll loan you my noise cancelling headphones.
9. Dri-fit. A friend of mine from the Coast was astounded that alllll the junior high and elementary boys were clothed in athleisure wear. My Oldest thinks Jeans are church clothes and khakis are punishment. There is enough dri fit in my house to outfit an ACTUAL sports team. And it makes laundry doing easy peasy.
10. Snuggles. I’m serious when I say, the way my boys love their mama is legit. Kisses. Hugs. Innocent groping. All on the hourly.
I know there are about 30 more where those came from. And about 13 have to do with the word penis.
Boy oh boy. 10 realities of a Boy-Mom house!