10 Things You Should Know about Survivor Abuse

Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

There is an old Native American saying that goes like this, “Don’t judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins.” Having had the journey I have had, I truly believe this! When I take the Myers Briggs personality test, I find that I have a strong trait of being judgmental. I think this has been mellowed as I have gotten older and have gone through a lot of tough stuff. So, here goes, my list of top 10 things I would like you to know about a Survivor of Abuse

I MADE MISTAKES! We are all human, and there is not one of us who have not made a mistake. Those of us who get into abusive relationships perhaps made more significant mistakes, but that does not make us bad.
Do not judge the mom at the grocery store using food stamps. I found myself not having food to feed my children. I made sure they had food and there were times I did not eat. I got to the point where the pantry had not one morsel of food, so I had to do what any parent would do, I asked for help. I was on it a short time, which statistics will tell you is the normal use of SNAP benefits. (for accurate information, check out this link, http://www.fns.usda.gov/sites/default/files/FY14%20State%20Activity%20Report.pdf )
Sometimes our past dictates our future. I lived in a household where a daily message to me was how imperfect I was. The messages fed to me were that I was ugly, fat, I did not speak correctly, and nothing I could ever do would meet the standards set by my parents. As an adult, when a romantic interest gave me positive messages along with the set of messages I had heard daily, I did not recognize that those messages of how ugly, fat and stupid I was to be un-acceptable. After all, I got “I love you”, “you are beautiful” and monetary things such as roses in between. It really could not be bad then, right?
Divorce is not a fun path that one takes lightly. Marriage is something that every person dreams of whether you are a man or a woman. I have often said, I would not wish the divorce journey on anyone. It is awful for the adults and the tremendous burden it puts on children is indescribable.
Pulling away from dysfunctional families is ok. Abuse is a cycle and I have come to understand that it is not just your generation, but more than likely, it goes back in time for decades. If you truly want a different story board for yourself, sometimes the only way is to shut out the dysfunction, but it must be YOU who decides. Do not judge if someone close to you takes this journey, support them and love them. It is not an easy task!
Support each other. People who survive abuse have to be given the ownership to deal with things in their own way. It may be not how you would deal with it and that is ok.
Good people lose their children in custody battles. Our court system is over loaded with family court issues. Do not quickly judge a mom or a dad who ends up on the losing end of a custody issue. There are so many factors that are involved. This one is another that I could write a novel on. Count your blessings if you never have to face this one! Children are blessings and we should all advocate for children’s rights. Do positive things with this subject. No one I have met along my journey would say that custody issues are fun. They are truly heart breaking and no one wins.
No one signs up for abuse. There are so many things in this life that are thrown at us and abuse is not something you willingly sign up for. It took a great deal of reflection and prayer for me to figure out why this did happen. Now that I know, I pay it forward and do my best to help others when the timing is right.
Everyone has their breaking point. Your tolerance of abuse is going to be different than someone else. See #3. Depending on your experience in life and your support system determines if you recognize abuse and if you are inclined to say no or to sign up for it. Again, please do not judge.
Maybe the most important,” if you have not walked two moons in my moccasins, please do not judge me.”

This song I think truly says a lot!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBP572N6bS8

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now

So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Her View Shop

abuse survivor

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too! Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

The Last Text I Sent Said “I Love You”

In: Friendship, Grief, Living

I’ve been saying “I love you” a lot recently. Not because I have been swept off my feet. Rather, out of a deep appreciation for the people in my life. My children, their significant others, and friends near and far. I have been blessed to keep many faithful friendships, despite the transitions we all experience throughout our lives. Those from childhood, reunited high school classmates, children of my parent’s friends (who became like family), and those I met at college, through work and shared activities. While physical distance has challenged many of these relationships, cell phones, and Facebook have made...

Keep Reading

I Obsessed over Her Heartbeat Because She’s My Rainbow Baby

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood

Mother and teen daughter with ice cream cones, color photo

I delivered a stillborn sleeping baby boy five years before my rainbow baby. I carried this sweet baby boy for seven whole months with no indication that he wouldn’t live. Listening to his heartbeat at each prenatal visit until one day there was no heartbeat to hear. It crushed me. ”I’m sorry but your baby is dead,” are words I’ll never be able to unhear. And because of these words, I had no words. For what felt like weeks, I spoke only in tears as they streamed down my cheeks. But I know it couldn’t have been that long. Because...

Keep Reading

We’re Walking the Road of Twin Loss Together

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood

Mother and son walk along beach holding hands

He climbed into our bed last week, holding the teddy bear that came home in his twin brother’s hospital grief box almost 10 years earlier. “Mom, I really miss my brother. And do you see that picture of me over there with you, me and his picture in your belly? It makes me really, really sad when I look at it.” A week later, he was having a bad day and said, “I wish I could trade places with my brother.” No, he’s not disturbed or mentally ill. He’s a happy-go-lucky little boy who is grieving the brother who grew...

Keep Reading

Until I See You in Heaven, I’ll Cherish Precious Memories of You

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood

Toddler girl with bald head, color photo

Your memory floats through my mind so often that I’m often seeing two moments at once. I see the one that happened in the past, and I see the one I now live each day. These two often compete in my mind for importance. I can see you in the play of all young children. Listening to their fun, I hear your laughter clearly though others around me do not. A smile might cross my face at the funny thing you said once upon a time that is just a memory now prompted by someone else’s young child. The world...

Keep Reading

The Day My Mother Died I Thought My Faith Did Too

In: Faith, Grief, Loss

She left this world with an endless faith while mine became broken and shattered. She taught me to believe in God’s love and his faithfulness. But in losing her, I couldn’t feel it so I believed it to be nonexistent. I felt alone in ways like I’d never known before. I felt helpless and hopeless. I felt like He had abandoned my mother and betrayed me by taking her too soon. He didn’t feel near the brokenhearted. He felt invisible and unreal. The day my mother died I felt alone and faithless while still clinging to her belief of heaven....

Keep Reading

Can I Still Trust Jesus after Losing My Child?

In: Faith, Grief, Loss

Everyone knows there is a time to be born and a time to die. We expect both of those unavoidable events in our lives, but we don’t expect them to come just 1342 days apart. For my baby daughter, cancer decided that the number of her days would be so many fewer than the hopeful expectation my heart held as her mama. I had dreams that began the moment the two pink lines faintly appeared on the early morning pregnancy test. I had hopes that grew with every sneak peek provided during my many routine ultrasounds. I had formed a...

Keep Reading

To the Healthcare Workers Who Held My Broken Heart

In: Grief, Loss

Baby hat with hospital certificate announcing stillbirth, color photo

We all have hard days at work. Those days that push our physical, mental, and emotional limits out of bounds and don’t play fair. 18 years ago, I walked into an OB/GYN emergency room feeling like something was off, just weeks away from greeting our first child. As I reflect on that day, which seems like a lifetime ago and also just yesterday, I find myself holding space for the way my journey catalyzed a series of impossibly hard days at work for some of the people who have some of the most important jobs in the world. RELATED: To...

Keep Reading

I Loved You to the End

In: Grief, Living

As your time on this earth came close to the end, I pondered if I had given you the best life. I pondered if more treatment would be beneficial or harmful. I pondered if you knew how much you were loved and cherished As the day to say goodbye grew closer, I thought about all the good times we had. I remembered how much you loved to travel. I remembered how many times you were there for me in my times of darkness. You would just lay right next to me on the days I could not get out of...

Keep Reading

I Hate What the Drugs Have Done but I Love You

In: Grief, Living

Black and white image of woman sitting on floor looking away with arms covering her face

Sister, we haven’t talked in a while. We both know the reason why. Yet again, you had a choice between your family and drugs, and you chose the latter. I want you to know I still don’t hate you. What I do hate is the drugs you always seem to go back to once things get too hard for you. RELATED: Love the Addict So Hard it Hurts Speaking of hard, I won’t sugarcoat the fact that being around you when you’re actively using is so hard. Your anger, your manipulation, and your deceit are too much for me (or anyone around you) to...

Keep Reading

Giving Voice to the Babies We Bury

In: Grief, Loss

Woman looking up to the sky, silhouette at sunset

In the 1940s, between my grandmother’s fourth child and my father, she experienced the premature birth of a baby. Family history doesn’t say how far along she was, just that my grandfather buried the baby in the basement of the house I would later grow up in. This was never something I heard my grandmother talk about, and it was a shock to most of us when we read her history. However, I think it’s indicative of what women for generations have done. We have buried our grief and not talked about the losses we have experienced in losing children through...

Keep Reading