While I am a stay-at-home mom by trade (hehe), I do consider myself to be a stay-at-home working mom as well. Running my blog and my business has become not only a way for me to make a little side-income but it has required my husband and I to learn to work together to figure out how we were going to make this new role work within the confines of our family. My husband being a Realtor/broker, often works from home as well and because of this, our day at home looks much different than the “average” American household. We are constantly working together to figure out how to do life together and juggle our parenting roles and while we understand this is not the case for everyone, we quite enjoy working closely together each and every day.

When we sat down together to create this list, we made sure that we were very honest about the intentionality of our parenting and the things that we have found to work for us day-in and day-out. Now just because our working circumstances are significantly different than a lot of yours, we still believe these tips to be useful for parenting across all family situations. It’s important that as parents we remain a united front and continue to work together to ensure to our children that we stand by each other no matter what.

9 Ways To Share Parenting Roles With Your Spouse


1. Be compatible about how/why you discipline your kids, and back one another up

This is definitely something that we had to learn to do as we grew together in our marriage but something we knew we had to grow strong in in order to parent well and parent intentionally. We don’t always agree with how a situation should be dealt with but over time we have learned that regardless of the parenting strategy put in place we need to be encouraging to each other and stand by one another.

2. Be consistent

One thing we have learned with our first born is that consistency was the key to not only disciplining her but loving her as well. She is only three years old and we get comments all the time on how well behaved she is. This is something that we worked and WORKED together on to make sure that we were ALWAYS on the same page. And at times it seemed annoying and pointless but our efforts absolutely paid off! Consistency is incredibly important to a child’s well-being.

3. Love first, discipline second

Whatever your stand is on how you discipline your child, something we can all agree on I’m sure is that loving your child first is the number one priority. We have always enforced this “rule” when reprimanding our children; whenever we have to discipline our kids we ALWAYS make sure to end each conversation with a hug and an “I love you.” It’s not easy to yell at your children, spank them or put them in time out but if they know they are 100% loved along the way, they will respect you and your “rules” even more. I promise

4. Work Together Constantly (putting kids to sleep, cleaning, cooking, doing yard work, baths, etc)

We always make sure that we work together around the house. Even though I’m the SAHM my husband still helps me with chores around the house, putting the kids to bed, giving them a bath, cooking (sometimes). Likewise, I help him with yard-work, addressing envelopes for his mailings, showing up to his open-houses, etc. We believe it’s important to share in these different tasks instead of laying them all on one person. I can’t always be the best version of myself when I feel like I am running the house by myself and my husband knows that. Working together on the daily has allowed us to see into each others lives and respect one another all the more because of it.

5. Having/sharing routines

My husband and are BIG people of routine…each in our own way but nonetheless, we love a good schedule and we’ve found our kids do too! Every time we pull them off that schedule life turns to chaos and no one is the greater person for it. We understand that life cannot always be regimented and scheduled and we are ok with that but for us that is how our family best thrives.

6. Respect/Trust Each Other

When it comes to bickering…go in another room, away from your children. You’re children don’t need to hear you talking back to one another, demeaning each other, or saying things that you don’t mean. This is something that we have NOT mastered but are working towards everyday. Respect each other enough to know that your children are listening to your EVERY word.

7. Create Boundaries & Stick To Them

Whether these be boundaries for your children or for your relationship with your spouse STICK TO THEM. Creating boundaries is healthy in any relationship but especially in your relationship with your children. This ties into #2, it’s important for your children to know how to treat one another and even more so, how to treat YOU. Consistency in enforcing these boundaries is key. When I hear my oldest talking back to my husband I immediately step in and remind her how inappropriate her tone is and that in no way is it ok for her to talk to her dad like that. Now…she’s three and she probably doesn’t understand what a lot of that means but at least she is being reminded that that kind of speech and tone is not acceptable.

8. Set Standards

Setting standards for how we parent constantly challenges us to make sure that we are being the best possible parent that we can be. It’s more for us to stay accountable to our parenting roles and commit to sharing in those set standards.

9. Encourage One Another

I’ve saved the BEST for last because truly this is the most important! Encouraging your spouse in his/her parenting is the best way you can grow together in your lives as a mom and dad. You are in this together for the long haul might as well have a constant cheerleader along the way right!?

No way are my husband and I “perfect” parents, we fail CONSTANTLY…I mean constantly, but we are always striving to be the best we can be and that’s all we can do. I hope this little glimpse into our lives was a least somewhat insightful…I’d love to hear some ways you have learned to parent together in the comments below! Thanks for reading!

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Tessa Kirby

I am a 25 year old former Michigander turned Illinoisan (by marriage). I am a full-time mother to three littles and a part-time dreamer. I find serenity in the art of bringing life back to my vintage finds and giving them new purpose within my home. In our spare time, my husband and I work together on our 1960's fixer upper, designing and restructuring each space to make this house our home. I blog for fun in hopes that I can find community in the midst of my vulnerability. I find joy in meeting new people and sharing life with others! Learn more about me: http://www.tessakirby.com/

When the Grandparents Are Still Working, Your Support System Looks Different

In: Grown Children, Motherhood
Child kissing grandma on cheek

I had my kids in my 20s, and yes it was hard, but probably not for the reason you think. People discourage you from having kids young because it could jeopardize your career, keep you from traveling, or eat into your savings, etc. For me, my kids are my world, and I don’t think I jeopardized anything by having them. They can travel with my husband and me. My savings account isn’t as cushioned as it was before I had my kids, but that doesn’t matter to me. The most difficult thing about having kids in my 20s is not having...

Keep Reading

Here’s to the Friends Who Don’t Hide Their Messy Parts

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Two women sit in a field with arms around each other

To the friend who invited me over without picking her house up beforehand . . . thank you.  You had no way of knowing, but I’ve been especially weighed down by the feeling of “I can’t keep up” lately—and when I walked into your beautiful home and saw dishes in the sink and laundry scattered here and there, I let out the deepest exhale I didn’t even realize I was holding in.  Because seeing your mess? Your less-than-perfect? It didn’t make me think any differently of you, but it did allow me to give myself the grace I desperately needed....

Keep Reading

Hand-Me-Downs Come with Spots, Stains, and Sweet Memories

In: Motherhood
Hand me down clothes folded in a box

The newborn announcement pictures are precious. The new pastel-colored onesie that doesn’t quite fit the baby with pockets of fabric that have to be folded back to peak at the little, wrinkled fingers tipped with translucent nails. The little hat that covers their soft, fuzzy head will never be worn again, but it completely makes the outfit. We often love to capture our little ones’ adorable moments and milestones. However, it can be quite challenging and costly to keep up with the expectation of dressing them in fully styled outfits, especially as they grow from babies to toddlers and then...

Keep Reading

This Is a Mom’s Brain in the Middle of the Night

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman looking at smartphone in the middle of the night

Dear husband, let me introduce you to your wife, insomnia edition. You see me not sleeping. You see me “playing” on my phone. Here’s what my brain is actually doing . . .  It’s 2 a.m., I wake up thinking, “I need to make an appointment” (it can be as mundane and stupid as a haircut or more importantly, a specialist appointment for one of the kids). I try to go back to sleep, promising myself I will remember. Lying there, I tell myself I won’t forget. I will remember, don’t worry. Fifteen minutes go by . . . On...

Keep Reading

Organized Sports Aren’t Everything

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young girl with Alpaca, color photo

Today I watched my little girl walk an alpaca. His name is Captain. Captain is her favorite. He’s my favorite too. I met his owner on Instagram of all places. She thought I was in college; I thought she was a middle-aged woman. Turns out, she is in high school, and I am a middle-aged woman. This random meeting led to a blessing. We call it “llama lessons.” We take llama lessons every other week. It’s an hour away on the cutest hobby farm. Our “teacher” is Flora, who boards her llamas at the alpaca farm. She wants to teach...

Keep Reading

Her Future Will Not Be My Broken Past

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother and daughter hold hands by water, silhouette photo

Forty years ago, you were an innocent child. You were brought into this world for a purpose. Your innocence is robbed before kindergarten by a trusted relative. You are broken and bruised by those entrusted to protect you. You are extremely emotional in your childhood, but no one listens to understand. As you grow into your teenage years, emotions are bottled up out of fear. You lean into promiscuous behavior because that is the only way you know how to get men to love you. Because of abuse that no one took you out of, you stay around those who...

Keep Reading

You Came between Us

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Toddler between mom and dad under sheet

Right in the middle of our deepest love, you came—just between us. A silent, unseen surprise. A mysterious miracle of incarnated love and joy. From that sacred moment that we couldn’t imagine being any sweeter, came you. Sometime in the middle of all the daily goodbye hugs, my stomach began to grow and you came between us. This beautiful bundle of life blossoming right inside of me. And we were in awe of every single tiny formation of you. In awe of who you were, excited by who you’d be, in awe that you were ours. You came between us...

Keep Reading

God Redeemed the Broken Parts of My Infertility Story

In: Faith, Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Two young children walking on a path near a pond, color photo

It was a Wednesday morning when I sat around a table with a group of mamas I had just recently met. My youngest daughter slept her morning nap in a carrier across my chest. Those of us in the group who held floppy babies swayed back and forth. The others had children in childcare or enrolled in preschool down the road. We were there to chat, learn, grow, and laugh. We were all mamas. But we were not all the same. I didn’t know one of the mom’s names, but I knew I wanted to get to know her because she...

Keep Reading

I’m a Mom Who Reads and is Raising Readers

In: Living, Motherhood
Mom with infant daughter on bed, reading a book, color photo

Since childhood, I’ve been lost in a world of books. My first true memory of falling in love with a book was when my mom read aloud Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. With each voice she used, I fell deep into the world of imagination, and I’ve never seemed to come up for air. My reading journey has ebbed and flowed as my life has gone through different seasons, but I’ve always seemed to carry a book with me wherever I went. When I entered motherhood and gave my whole life over to my kids, I needed something that...

Keep Reading

I Look Forward to the End of a Work Day for a Whole New Reason Now

In: Motherhood
Dad hugs toddler at home

Those minutes matter. Whether it’s 5 or 15, every single second of them counts. Unless you’ve been there, it’s impossible to explain. I’m not sure there are any words that could really create the right picture. But believe me when I say those minutes count. I’m talking about those final minutes leading up to that door opening and some form of relief being on the other side. Those minutes you never thought would come. Those minutes mean you made it through another day, and there is (possibly) some relief in sight. This is a new experience I wasn’t quite ready...

Keep Reading