By Marissa Khosh 
The first day of Pre-K. Wow, that’s a hard one. On that first day, it starts with prolonged hugs. It progresses to tears. And it explodes with full-blown screaming as your child has to be peeled off your body, and you physically hurry for the exit while your heart lingers behind.
At the end of the preschool hallway, you stop, ears straining to hear whether your child has calmed down. But it’s too hard to tell with the noise from all the other children being dropped off on their own first day of Pre-K.
Pick-up should be better. Surely by then your child will have calmed down and discovered how fun school is. And indeed, as you peer through the window into your child’s classroom at the end of the day, you see a much happier version of the little person you dropped off in the morning.
But as soon as that little person sees you, the sad face reappears, and she tells you how desperately she missed you all day long and hugs you with all the might of her little arms. She tells you all the things she was not allowed to do at Pre-K that she’s used to doing at home, like cuddling a stuffed animal during quiet time.
And that’s when your heart begins to tip in a negative direction about this new routine for your precious child. After all, do you really want your innocent little 4-year-old to be taught to grow up even faster? And what if she really needs that comfort item in this new, unfamiliar situation?
The rest of the first week of Pre-K seems to only go downhill from there. The crying starts before you even leave the house, and the screaming has already begun by the time you enter the preschool building. The desperate 4-year-old pleas to quit Pre-K wear down your heart a little more each day.
By the middle of the second week, you’ve decided this whole thing is just too hard. You are not ready, your child is not ready, and the resistance from your child each day is not improving. So you call the preschool director to let her know you will probably be pulling her out.
But you are shocked when the director asks you in a completely surprised voice why you want to do that when your child is doing so well in Pre-K. She tells you that your child stops crying as soon as you leave and plays with other children and enjoys the activities. She even records several videos throughout the day of how happy your child was all day long to show you at pick-up.
And that’s when you realize what the problem is. The first day of Pre-K is hardest for the mom. And as a nervous and worried mama dropping her child off for the first time, you let your own insecurity show. You allowed your fears to dictate how you responded to your child.
You let your child see that you, yourself, were not sure if this was a good idea. You gave her the belief that she might not have to stick with this if it ended up being too difficult. You let on that you weren’t sure you would continue to push her to go to Pre-K if drop-offs continued to be this hard.
And she took on your concerns and clung to your possible way out. She saw you wavering right alongside her, and she experienced your emotional instability with you. She depends on you to be the one who keeps her safe, but she feels the safest when you seem unshakable. And that first day of Pre-K . . . she knew you were as shaken up as she was.
But now, after seeing those videos of her playing happily throughout the day and receiving a positive report from the preschool director, you know this is the best thing for her.
The next morning as you get your little preschooler around for Pre-K, you talk confidently about the great day she’s going to have. You remind her cheerfully of the fun things she enjoyed the day before.
At drop-off, you keep an optimistic smile on your face and unwavering decision in your voice. You give a tight, loving hug, and you walk away with a wave and an assurance of your return. You blow a kiss as you turn the corner and keep on going.
When you pick her up, you maintain the same confidence and stability. You encourage conversation about her day and discuss what might go better tomorrow. You provide comfort and the tools she needs to work through her own emotions. But you make sure she knows that you are sure of this. You give her every reason to believe she will be safe and happy at Pre-K.
And even though the drop-offs do not go perfectly, they get easier. Even though she still says she doesn’t want to go, you are impressed with how she’s blossoming socially. Even though she complains at the end of every day, you are amazed at how much she is learning.
And you finally realize that the first day of Pre-K jitters you saw acted out in your child . . . some of them were actually yours.
by Laura Bailey 
