For many people, the holidays are a season of delight and celebration, a time when magic happens. But for some, this time of year brings about a battle with the conflicting emotion of grief. Navigating the holidays after losing a loved one is a complex and often lonely experience—especially when that loved one was the matriarch of your family.
The matriarch is the woman who typically acts as the glue, offering a sense of support, togetherness, and stability. She’s the one who holds it all together even when everything is falling apart. She’s the foundation, the balance, the one who thickens the love and expands the hearts in ways unimaginable.
My maternal grandmother was the matriarch of our family, and often the centerpiece of our gatherings—especially the holidays. When she passed in 2021, it felt like everything fell apart. My grandmother’s absence left an ache that is almost indescribable but is deeply felt and experienced. Since she died, the fabric of our family has felt torn; gatherings are no longer the same, the familial unity has been punctured, and there has been less and less effort to maintain the traditions she held in place. Where there was once warmth and connection, profound emptiness has seemingly taken over. The holidays are now simply a reminder of the deep yearning for more togetherness that exists, along with the gaping hole in my heart and the desire for how things used to be.
It’s true what people say about what happens when the matriarch passes away: the family dynamic is significantly affected. Tension often rises and everyone carries grief differently. Maintaining traditions in the midst of that can feel like a mountain too challenging to climb.
My grandmother was the staple that kept us bound and functioning. Just before she died, one of her final requests was for our family to not fall apart, to make sure we stuck together although she would no longer physically be around. She knew she was holding us all together. Sadly, after her passing, the threads slowly began to unravel. A significant void has lingered since then, and the holidays are only a reminder that in some sense, we haven’t done our finest at honoring her request.
Perhaps her wealth of wisdom from life lived and learned is what allowed her to understand how to hold us all together. As the family’s emotional center, my grandmother guided traditions, nurtured relationships, and strengthened the core.
Though the grief of her loss has not yet gotten easier to navigate, this year I am reimagining what it means to honor her legacy. For those of you dealing with the loss of a matriarch, I hope you can adopt these tips as you move forward:
Remember
Taking time to reminisce about the times shared with my grandmother is an important part of my healing. Her impact on our family is immeasurable, and I’m glad I had the opportunity to partake in the love, light, and hope she offered us all. Small things such as looking back at photos from over the years, listening to voicemails she left on my phone, or reading text messages help me to feel closer to her even though she is no longer physically here.
Repair
For relationships that may have been fractured after the passing of a matriarch, it’s important to repair the wounds. Check in on those who you haven’t spoken to in a while. Be with them as they navigate their own grief. Reminisce on moments together. Some relationships might take a lot more effort to repair, and that takes willingness from all parties involved. Have patience and pray for guidance if the repair is difficult to navigate or if you find yourself having a hardened heart.
Renew
Just because someone passes doesn’t mean their traditions, values, and impact have to go with them. Though everyone grieves at their own pace, it is important to make a continued effort to renew the traditions that helped keep the family together—while building new ones. While the matriarch often plays a central role in shaping family rituals—from holidays to everyday moments—it doesn’t only have to fall solely on her. If you notice a lack of togetherness has emerged following her absence, take action. Think of ways you can bring your family together, big or small. Remember, even a tiny step is still motion.
Navigating holiday grief after losing your family matriarch can be hard, but it is not impossible. She deserves to have her legacy kept alive and the love she poured out to continue traveling through the generations.
by Kristie Reitz 
by Jenni Brennan 
by Valeria Tipton 
by Lisa Ingrassia 
