By Chelsi Cacciatore 
Nothing really prepares you for the day your child leaves the house.
Last September, my husband and I moved our 18-year-old son into his dorm room. Right after that, he was swept away into all things orientation, and we began our 1,000-mile journey back home.
Leaving this beautiful human I raised and spent all those years with felt foreign. During our final hug goodbye, despite trying to hold in my pain, I broke out in huge, ugly, guttural tears.
Our drive home was a long two days. It took every fiber of my being not to turn around. Returning to our empty house was jarring, as was looking at Ethan’s empty room.
I took to my bed and let grief wash over me. And then, despite the heartache, I got back up and slowly adjusted to my new normal.
Eight months later, I’m still very much adjusting,
This process looks different for everyone. Some families have multiple children who leave, while others have children close by.
I have an only child who attends a year-round culinary school.
Even though I’m incredibly proud of my son, I also miss him like crazy. My grief is palpable, and it takes all my energy not to reach out to him daily or drive all those miles to visit just for my sake.
So, I’m giving myself a present: the gift to feel exactly how I do. Without judgment or time limits. My heart can feel both empty and full, and ache and feel joy simultaneously.
Fellow empty nesters, my advice is for you to do the same. Give yourself the gift of letting your grief come out exactly as it needs to.
Letting go of our children is such a personal journey. Some hold their cards close to their chest, while others wear their heart on their sleeves. Keep that in mind, and be kind to those who wear it differently.
by Shelby Spear 
