Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

There’s a drawing on my refrigerator in the place that was once used as the “command center” of all the calendars, prescriptions slips, invoices, and med lists. 

There are sippy cups, tiny utensils, and pink plates tucked into the cabinets where all of my pills were kept. 

RELATED: This is Infertility

In the refrigerator, there were boxes of pre-loaded syringes that have since been replaced with cheese sticks. 

A corner bedroom that used to be cold and empty and used for housing extra junk is now filled with warm pink blankets, a safe and cozy crib, and bursting with the sweetest laughter.

The bruises and needle pricks that covered my stomach are now healed as I’m reminded each time she pulls up my shirt and yells “BELLY!”

A well-kept home in the woods that just felt too big for two (and a dog) is now covered in toys, crumbs, and crayons. 

RELATED: To the Mother Who Fought Through Infertility

Tonight, as I closed the refrigerator and laid eyes on this masterpiece made by my almost 18-month-old miracle, I’m reminded of all the sacrifice, the work, and the heartbreak.

And I feel gratitude and appreciation for what now sits in its place. 

Tonight a simple text from a friend reminded me of perspective. There’s no cure for what causes this for most of us. The sadness still lingers and resurfaces from time to time. But I will always, ALWAYS remember how I prayed so fervently for what we have now

Just a late-night thought from a tired mama. 

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Nicole Alexander

I’m a stay-at-home mother and wife who has struggled for many long years with infertility and battled three rounds of IVF to finally be blessed with my beautiful daughter. I hope to bring some heartfelt content to mamas who can relate to these strong feelings!

I Did Not Choose Infertility

In: Loss, Motherhood
Woman holding pregnancy test

My husband and I have been receiving fertility treatments for the last 18 months. Our insurance policy does not cover a single cent toward infertility treatment. Our insurance policy describes infertility treatments as “elective.” By way of medical description, the term elective is “chosen by the patient rather than urgently necessary.” Please lean in, and listen closely. I did not choose to be infertile. I have not chosen to be fertile or not. There is no part of me that would have ever have chosen this for my life. Nowhere in my life did I ever make a conscious decision...

Keep Reading

My Stomach Will Never Be Flat Again, And I Couldn’t Be More Grateful

In: Living, Motherhood

“It will never be flat again,” he said, gesturing to my exposed stomach. “Not unless you get the tummy tuck. Since it’s been over two years since your last pregnancy, the separation in your abdomen will remain the same,” he explained.  “So, are there any medical repercussions?” I asked cautiously. “Can I do any damage if I choose not to have this?”  He looked a bit surprised. “Well, no,” he admitted. “But, see here? These are photos of someone in great shape just like you. It’s not that she doesn’t look good from the front, but as you can see from...

Keep Reading

Infertility is a Thief

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Couple holding hands

I can feel it happening as if I am watching myself walk through life from a bird’s-eye view. I see myself slowly slipping further and further from the woman I used to be, and I feel powerless to stop it. I miss her—the woman I was before infertility. Infertility has changed me to my core. It has challenged my deepest beliefs about God, and it has made me question my worth more times than I can count. Infertility rears its ugly head and steals the peace from my marriage as my body is flooded with hormones in the form of...

Keep Reading