Some moms have it all together. They are organized, clean, and can hide their crazy deep inside. The rest of us are holding on to life with the last bobby pin we could find. Unorganized, all over the place, and a hot mess.
We don’t have it together in the slightest and we are totally cool with it.
Let’s be real here. If there is one thing I really know how to do it’s how to be a hot mess mom. Before being a mom I was just a hot mess. My friends know, they’ve seen me. A shout out to all of you for loving me for who I am.
I’ve accepted such a fate to be that mom in the group. I’ve tried to be well put together and it’s just not for me. I’m always forgetting something, always rocking a (probably greasy) mom bun, and always rocking some sort of food/bodily fluid stain on my clothes. My brain is just constantly running faster than my little legs can keep up. Oh and I birthed Tasmanian devils—I can’t keep up with them either.
So if you are sick and tired of being so put together all the time, or pretending to—have no fear I’m here to help. Let’s lower those standards a bit, shall we?
Here is the unofficial, but totally legit, guide to being a hot mess mom. You’re welcome.
1. Forget to shower. Like all the time.
How else are you going to get that perfect greasy mom bun?
When we are up before or with the sun the last thing on your mind is hopping in the shower. Honestly you are probably cussing out your children in your mind as you slump over to your coffee maker. It’s fiiiiiiiine that’s what deodorant is for, right? Bless the heavens for dry shampoo.
Drinking coffee seems to just be a way of mom life. It kind of makes waking up before the sun just a tiny, tiny, microscopic bit better. Besides you’ll need all that extra fuel for all that stuff you think you are going to accomplish today.
You know it’s bad when your 3-year-old says Mommy, let’s get you some coffee.
3. Embrace the legging trend.
Throw those pants out, girl. You don’t need them. Leggings is where it’s at—you can get dressed, but still feel like you are in your pjs. Then when you pass out after a long day, you won’t wake up in the middle of the night frustrated trying to rip off those stupid jeans. You’ll be nice and comfy in your leggings. Problem solved.
4. Forget just about all the essentials in your diaper bag.
Diapers, wipes, extra clothes. Just forget it, you don’t need them. Just kidding, you do. You really do. But while you are trying to corral your small children into the car because you were suppose to leave 10 minutes ago, filling the diaper bag kinda slips your mind. Prepare to get creative.
You want to know what you’ll never forget no matter what? Snacks. My diaper bag is 95% snacks, 5% empty air of crap I forgot to fill. There is no greater horror show than a mom and two toddlers that are hangry. Always bring snacks.
5. Someone is gonna be messy.
Sometimes just one, sometimes all of you. It’s not that you don’t care about your children’s hygiene, it’s that you are normally all over the place and in the meantime a kid snuck up on the counter and got a chocolate cookie. Or you said “I’ll clean their face in a minute” and totally forgot. Or one of them shoved an ice-cream cone onto your shirt. But you know what? That’s what wipes are for. You’ll become queen of the “wipe bath” soon enough.
6. Give up on housework.
I have had a basket of clean clothes sitting in our room for about a month. And now that I think about it, that is probably where all my missing clothes are. Now this isn’t to say my house looks like someone broke in and destroyed it most days. I do clean and I even take pictures to prove it before my husband gets home. I’m just saying start being comfortable with knowing you’ll have a couple piles of laundry around the house known as the clean or dirty pile. And no matter how much you clean your counter top, as soon as you turn around it’s going to be piled with junk again. Organized chaos, friends. Organized chaos.
7. Lose everything.
Car keys, wallet, cell phone. Kiss those suckers goodbye because you will lose them every time you set them down. I’ve found said things in the sink, trash cans, in the car, in my pocket or bra, and in the fridge. Nothing spices up the day more than being late and not being able to find your car keys.
8. Be late.
If it takes 45 minutes to get there, you should probably leave about 10 minutes before you are suppose to be there. It’s simple logic, really.
9. Play dates.
Invite friends over for a play date and underestimate the time it’s going to take to clean your house so it doesn’t get done. Then casually blame it on the fact you were super busy this morning and couldn’t pick up.
Plan on cooking a home cooked meal every night and then forget to take stuff out of the freezer at least half the time. Stock up on frozen pizza and pastas. Remember – at least your family is fed. And if it will make you feel better, you can buy organic pizza or something. Whatever floats your boat, friend.
11. Do everything last minute.
Oh your son’s first birthday is tomorrow? Tonight and tomorrow morning is the best time to start buying everything for that. That, my friends, is a true story, but his party turned out amazing if you were wondering. If there is one thing us hot mess moms know how to do it’s throw together something extremely last minute.
12. Be confident.
If you can’t, you’ll have to learn to laugh at yourself if you’re a hot mess. Most days it’s not pleasant and there are going to be some embarrassing moments. It’s all good. Like the old Taylor Swift use to say before she went crazy, Shake it off. Own your hot mess mom-ness.