My sweet little girl,
A year ago today we found out you were in fact a little girl, and what a joyous time it was. Up until that point I had convinced myself you were a little boy. I had prepared my heart for a little boy so that I wouldn’t feel any sort of disappointment because I wanted a little girl so bad!
I felt deep in my soul an urgency and longing to teach you how to love yourself completely, and to be confident in how you were made unique. I want to protect you from ugly words and hurt feelings, but I know I won’t always be able to. I feel anxious when I think about the hurt you will experience through life, especially when I think of that hurt coming in the form of words and actions from others. Being a Christian mama, I can educate you on why we have to deal with sufferings of all kinds, but knowing why won’t take the sting and hurt away.
I want to teach you how to love yourself by the way I love myself. I know the best way I can do this is by example, but I find it also a daunting task. You see we live in a world where we are taught perfection is how to be beautiful. Flawless and golden skin, bright white teeth, and perfect measurement proportions are a few ways beauty is measured in our culture. Growing up I battled with feeling less than the girl next to me and insecure with how my body looked.
Was it normal?
Was it supposed to look like it did?
I would also tear myself down aloud in hopes of beating anyone else to it, or at least confirming what I was sure were their thoughts. Then I met your daddy. I remember specifically one time after we were married when I was looking at myself in the mirror commenting on how awful I looked, nitpicking about this and that about my body, face, and hair. His eyes saddened and his voice softened, and I knew in that moment something had to change. I immediately began to shift my thought process and we started a new family policy that when something negative is said, the offender has to say five things they are thankful for. This has helped us shift the focus to a more positive and uplifting environment.
Since we began to plan for you I knew I had to try even harder to quiet that inner evil voice because I knew I needed to create new habits and a new perception that would be engrained in me to stop me from saying negative comments aloud. I know your sweet spirit and mind is nothing short of an immense sponge that will soak up everything that you are exposed to, and I desperately want those exposures to be love filled and glorifying to the Lord.
I want you to know you are oh-so-perfect in every way. You are talented. You are smart. You are kind. You are funny, and you are beautiful. I pray I can teach you to look to Christ for reassurance when you doubt these things, and rest in Him because of how He made you. And when the world tries to tell you differently, I pray you will hear our voices echoing that you are perfect in every way.