“Matured maternal age.”
Those are the words I saw listed on my medical chart at my last doctor’s visit. And at that moment, I remembered all of the conversations that I had with my doctor when I was in my early 30s. Each year, she would ask if my husband and I were considering another baby because “time was running out.”
And honestly, I dreaded that doctor’s visit. She always had something to say about my weight, and it utterly annoyed me when she’d say that time was running out for us to have more kids. I remember telling myself, who is she to tell me that, she’s not God. And the truth was, she wasn’t God.
But unfortunately, her words stuck with me. Because words are so powerful. Like whoever came up with the saying that words will never hurt you were lying through their teeth. Or they obviously lived under a rock.
I mean, my husband and I thought of having more kids. At the time we had three, one each from previous marriages and one together. With the youngest being four years old.
We were finally at that sweet spot.
You know, when you’re no longer living in the world of nursing babies, diaper changes, baby carriers, babywearing, sippy cups, or strollers. That moment when all of the kids are sleeping through the night and when all the kids are in their own room. And in their own bed. Like, yes, Jesus!
So although we considered another baby, our lifestyle told another story. That year, we planned an amazing anniversary trip to Hawaii to celebrate. And a few months prior, I tagged along with my hubby to Los Angeles on a business trip. And it was amazing. So, I started to think, this is it. My hubby and I with our three kiddos. This is it. This is us.
But then, a month or so before our trip to Hawaii, I found out we were expecting. At that point, in my late 30s, those words, “matured maternal age,” crept right back into my mind.
And I cried. I told my husband that we were expecting. And I literally cried.
What was supposed to be a joyous discovery, was actually a mixed bag of emotions and anxiety. My emotions were all over the place. This pregnancy was a surprise to us but also such a sweet blessing.
But I remembered those words “matured maternal age.” I remembered all of the jargon and risks for women who became pregnant at “advance maternal age” that my doctor spoke of every year prior. And I let fear get the best of me.
You see it was those words paired with a succession of loss that had brought me to this moment of emotion. Years prior, I had suffered the loss of a child through stillbirth at 7-months pregnant and multiple miscarriages prior to that. Then a high-risk pregnancy with my daughter, that placed me on bed rest for three months. It was such a scary time.
But God. Just as He had seen me through each and every one of those moments in the past, I remembered that He would also bring me through this one.
And I remembered when I focus my thoughts and attention on Him, He is so faithful to cover my sometimes, unruly fearful thoughts and wrestle them into alignment with His Word. And He gives me peace.
God already knew before this child was even a thought in our minds that we would be her parents. And He wasn’t worried about it. And the words of the doctor didn’t affect His abilities. So, every time that fear would rise, I chose to trust God through every moment and every appointment. But I had to intentionally choose faith over my feelings, as I still do today.
So, if you’ve heard those words, “advanced maternal age,” or if you are hearing any words that place fear on the inside you, don’t let them overtake your mind. Remember who God is. Remember He is faithful to work all things together for good. Remember we can trust Him with our fears and worries. And remember His Word trumps all other words that are spoken on earth. He always has the final say.