My anxiety sometimes makes me feel like a bad mom.
Sometimes, I even hate the mother I am because of how it can take over.
It makes me snap at my children when the screaming and crying get to be too much for me to handle. My heart starts racing, and I can feel my anxiety swelling up in me as the crying intensifies. I can’t control it, so I lose my temper over just the smallest things. I’m not proud of it and I feel horrible for it every time.
It’s a “fight or flight” feeling when it starts to take over. Any little noise in the house in the middle of the night will send me in a tailspin. Thoughts like what if there’s a kidnapper in the house? or how would I evacuate the children if there’s a fire? go through my mind.
It’s the inability to focus on my children as I should.
My mind will start racing on to other things, and I try to refocus. I can hear their voices saying, “Mommy, come play with me,” but it’s like I’m in another little world of worry.
It’s the constant worry. Worrying about my children and if I’m raising them right. Worrying about if I’m somehow going to break them and if we’re making the best decisions for our family.
It’s fear. Oh, Lord, I hate to say it because You know how much I cling to my Bible, but the fear does take over. The fear of something bad happening to my children brings me to my knees.
I’m a mom with anxiety. I wish I didn’t have it. I pray that God will put my anxious heart to rest.
Yes, my anxiety makes me feel like a failure most days, but don’t we all have moments like that? We all beat ourselves up about something it seems. We moms are always filled with mom guilt, whether we have a mental illness or not. We’re all imperfect in some way or another–only Jesus is perfect. We all mess up sometimes, but we keep trying.
So, if you’re like me and you’re a mom with anxiety, don’t believe the lies that tell you it makes you a bad mom. You’re a mother who worries, but you’re a mother who loves your kids with all you’ve got and prays with all her might. You’re not alone in your feelings. God is still cheering you on, my friend.
You’re a mom with anxiety, but you’re still a great mom.
Originally published on the author’s blog