Am I a total flake? I mean, I feel like I’m flaking out a lot lately. I have to reschedule meetings, bail on my workout buddies, cancel play dates (sometimes last-minute), and straight up quit things when I just can’t even right now. I literally just quit something this morning . . . that was MY idea in the first place!

It all feels like a bunch of failure. And it does not feel good at all.

Sometimes I really feel like the flaky friend, the unorganized employee, and the tired mom/wife. I recently told my husband, “I just feel like I am failing at every single thing I’m doing.”

There are so many things I want to do and that I feel passionate about. I constantly have new ideas and goals. I want to make friends and be more involved in my community, too. But, am I just setting myself up for failure?

I keep a tally chart in my head of when I fail at doing what I planned. “Well, if I just make myself keep this commitment, then that gives me a free pass for the next time I REALLY need to say no.”

It’s like being back in high school and taking a sick day. And then lying in bed feeling guilty for missing school. “Am I really sick enough to skip school today?”

One day I was fed up with feeling like a big failure. “Why do I feel this way? I really shouldn’t! What is wrong with me?”

And then I answered myself without skipping a beat. “You’re not a flake; you’re just figuring it out.”

“Yes! OK! I am not a failure or a flake!” I felt relieved in my revelation.

So if I’m not a flake, then what am I? I think I’m just a mom who is literally figuring it out every single day. I’m learning what my life is like with two little kids. And my life changes from week to week. I’ve only been a mom for all of two years. And all of this wife, mother, and working mom stuff is new territory.

I recently realized that my part-time job isn’t working out anymore. Now that I have two young kids, it’s hard to keep it going. It just got too complicated and wasn’t giving me the same joy as it did before kids. So I decided to make a mini career change. And even though it might seem like a small change, it’s still kind of scary. But, it’s the right choice for the season I am in.

I felt like there was a new, better path for me. The new opportunities had been knocking on my door loud and clear. It seemed silly not to answer, no matter how scary or uncertain it might feel in the moment.

So what if when you feel like you’re failing at something, it’s just a signal to stop? Ask yourself the questions: Why is this making me feel bad? Why do I feel like I am failing? What can I do to make this feeling a positive one instead of a negative one?

Maybe that feeling of failing is simply the need to let go of the past. Is it time to lower your standards of success in order to have more peace? Perhaps you need to make a life change that will help you feel more empowered and less stressed.

So let me remind you, mom. You are not a flake. You are just figuring things out, day to day, week to week, month to month, and year to year.

You are not a failure. You are just doing your best every single day.

And most importantly, you are loved beyond the check marks on your long to-do list!

Audra Powers

Audra is a wife and a stay-at-home mom to three young children in Albuquerque, New Mexico. She loves hiking, music, and thrifting. Audra writes about faith, family, and living motherhood empowered. You can follow her adventures in motherhood on Instagram @audrapowers.