I believe becoming a mom is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. While you are a tiny and undeveloped growing little being inside of me, I love you every day and await your arrival in excitement and anticipation. Before I even meet you, or hear your cries or look into your eyes, I know you’re mine and soon we’ll share the rest of our lives together.
Soon I will hold you and listen to your cries and wipe away your tears. I will be here when you wake in the night. I will be your nourishment and warmth.
I will be your guardian who tends your every cry, and you will be my whole world.
I believe this is why I was created, why I met your dad, and why the universe gave you to me. You are my son, my reason, and my greatest blessing. The bond between a mother and her child is indescribable and irreplaceable. I know if you were to ask any other mom to remember her own baby’s soft little breaths, new baby smell, or their beautiful gummy grin and giggle, she may shed a tear or two. Because even though her little one is no longer an infant, to a mother her baby will always be her baby in her eyes and heart.
Before I had you, baby boy, I could not understand or comprehend the obsession new moms had with their babies. The way they shared so many pictures of their babies on Facebook, swapped birth stories, and all mom-related advice. I now understand how all-consuming motherhood is and the miracle of having a baby of your own is. From the last push to the first time they placed you on my chest, our worlds collided and everything felt so right.
You may ask me and any other new mom how she is, but I assure you this is a loaded question. It’s not about me anymore—it’s about us and we now.
The many complex emotions of guilt, worry, and even happy tears overwhelm me. The spit-up in my hair, never-ending laundry and diapers as well as the many hours nursing you and cleaning up your toys. The intrusive thoughts of worst-case scenarios, sleep deprivation, cluster-feeding, confusion, pumping, and of course, the weepiness. The uncontrollable urge to check on you, my new little addition, every second. The thousands of photos and videos on my phone, and lastly the new Amazon list dedicated solely to everything related to you, baby.
The beautiful and precious moments I will never have with you again—the fuzzy back, the newborn sleepiness, the way you respond when you hear or see me, and the chubby fingers and toes. The way you look up at me while I nurse you like it’s just us two, and the living room dance parties and all the snuggles on the couch. All the firsts that come and go so quickly. I cherish them.
My darling baby boy, you are growing up too fast. And as I look forward to the babbling, crawling, and walking, each day that goes by becomes harder because each day you get a little bit older and so do I. Our time of me being able to hold you while you’re still small is limited and while your coos have yet to form into words, I know that will soon come to pass as well.
I weep and plead for more time with you as my baby, so I can cradle you a bit longer, nurse you for just one more day, and watch you sleep so peacefully while your tiny hand holds my finger.
However watching you grow and learn and seeing you develop your own personality and discover the world—our world—is beautiful and makes me realize how forever grateful I am to be your mommy.
I will never forget these moments because each day you need me less and less. Each day that goes by you will change before my eyes into a toddler, a young boy, and into a young man, but no matter what, I know you will always be my little baby boy, and we will always find love and comfort in each other’s arms. These are the reasons I believe becoming your mom is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
Originally published on the author’s blog