Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

pinocchio1

Telling lies have come to the forefront with Brian Williams “misremembering” his helicopter experience. He forgot he wasn’t shot down.

Whatever.. (Try running that one by your mom, Brian!)

While we raise kids we are naturally concerned about their character. We want to raise kids to be honest, to have integrity, to give an accurate account of events. These things build trust in the parent- child relationship.

We had a young woman living with us for about 9 months. She worked as a care giver for elderly home-bound folks. One evening, after training, she came home visibility upset.

“The company wants me to lie to the Alzheimer patients,” she said.

It was recommended that when a dementia patient was talking about a certain subject to nod in agreement, listen, not correct, and go along with the conversation.

Our house guest was upset by this. She values honesty. Honesty is an important and godly virtue. But there is wisdom in the recommendation.

Why tell a person suffering from memory loss that his or her spouse has died and there is no way that person is coming to visit? Why put the patient through the fresh and great grief, over and over again? Sparing him or her that intense emotional pain is a kindness.

Not all lies are created equal.

We have the little white lie, the grey area fib, story embellishment, the kindness lie, the lies of omission and co-mission, and the tall tale.

All are based in an untruth but not all lies are perceived the same way. The lies that are the most problematic are the ones where the liar is trying to make himself look better or keep himself out of trouble. The other types of fabrications don’t seem to cause as big of an uproar.

Because lying is a bit fluid in it’s interpretation, I think it is a good idea to talk with your kids about how your family defines a lie and a liar.

A little kid may tell fantasy type lies, perhaps coming up with a fabrication about his day. This occurs when the child is around 3- to- 4-years of age. Developmentally he has a pretty good command of the language and a blossoming imagination. No sense in calling the child a liar. Instead help him distinguish between reality and fantasy. “That is a great story, Sammy. Tell it to me again so I can write it down then you can draw a picture to go with it!”

The lies that tend to be the pants on fire liar liar type of lies are the acceptance, attention, and avoidance lies.

Acceptance lies are told so that one may fit in better with a peer group. Love is perceived to be conditional. If your child habitually tells this type of lie, be aware. He is not feeling secure in his relationships and the need to belong is not being satisfied. He may need some assistance in learning how to make friends. This child desperately needs to know he is loved, no matter what, by you and by God.

Attention lies are told for…well… the need for attention, love, or even power. This child needs a little more time from you, the parent. He needs reassurance he doesn’t need to tell stories to get people to listen to him. Give this child some element of control over certain parts of his day so he doesn’t feel the need to gain respect by making something up.

Avoidance lies. The lies of omission and co-mission. “I’m not telling. If I do, I’ll get into trouble.” or “I’ll say I did this instead of telling what really happened.” (The great cover-up.) This is the lie to avoid big trouble; which can only be resolved by admission and confession and then forgiveness and reconciliation can follow. Before any of that can happen the child needs to feel that love is not conditional. There may be (should be) natural consequences to follow while keeping love and affection in tact.

Kids are less likely to tell fibs (big or little) and more likely to fess up if they live in a home where not having to be perfect is a-okay.

A home where forgiveness reigns and imperfect people can admit mistakes (without fearing ridicule or experiencing withheld affection ) is a place where truth and honesty can flourish.

BE approachable. BE humble.

Let your kiddos know you make mistakes too. So when your five-year-old breaks a cup or your sixteen-year-old crashes the car, he will come to you, tell you what happened, and together you can resolve the situation while maintaining your relationship. Of course lying needs to be addressed but it isn’t the end of the world if your child lies to you. Discovering a lie is the beginning of training your child in the virtue of honesty which results in trust and trust is the thing that builds a strong relationship.

Lies always have a way of being discovered. Even ten to twelve years later. Even if you are a famous news anchor. This news story presents a great opportunity for training  kids in the virtue of honesty and the consequences of telling “misrememberings…” 

So…what lies did you tell as a kid? Why do you think you told them? How can this help you parent your child?

Keep falsehood and lies far from me.
Proverbs 30:8a

lori 2014HVFH Writer Lori Wildenberg and her co-author, Becky Danielson, are celebrating the publishing of their 1 Corinthians 13 Parent Series: Raising Little Kids with Big Love  (toddler to nine years old) and Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love (tween-young adult)  Comment on this blog or on any post over at 1Corinthians13Parenting.com to be eligible for the February Give-Aways (jewelry, books, parent coaching sessions). sharing the love (1)

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Lori Wildenberg

Lori  Wildenberg, is passionate about helping families build connections that last a lifetime. She meets parents where they are with her warmth, transparency, humor, and straight-forward, faith-filled approach. Lori is an author, licensed parent-family educator, co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting ministry, lead mentor mom with the Moms Together Facebook Community, national speaker, and parent coach. Her 5th parenting book Messy Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections (New Hope Publishers) will be released in August 2018 and is available for preorder over at Amazon. The Wildenberg home is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. A perfect day in Lori’s world is a hike with her Tom (her hubby), five kids (four plus a daughter-in-love), and Murphy– the family labradoodle! For more information or to connect with Lori go to www.loriwildenberg.com 

God Had Different Plans

In: Faith, Motherhood
Silhouette of family swinging child between two parents

As I sip my twice-reheated coffee holding one baby and watching another run laps around the messy living room, I catch bits and pieces of the Good Morning America news broadcast. My mind drifts off for a second to the dreams I once had of being the one on the screen. Live from New York City with hair and makeup fixed before 6 a.m. I really believed that would be me. I just knew I’d be the one telling the mama with unwashed hair and tired eyes about the world events that happened overnight while she rocked babies and pumped milk....

Keep Reading

This Will Not Last Forever

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman looking at sunset

“This will not last forever,” I wrote those words on the unfinished walls above my daughter’s changing table. For some reason, it got very tiring to change her diapers. Nearly three years later, the words are still there though the changing table no longer is under them. While my house is still unfinished so I occasionally see those words, that stage of changing diapers for her has moved on. She did grow up, and I got a break. Now I do it for her baby brother. I have been reminding myself of the seasons of life again. Everything comes and...

Keep Reading

God Calls Me Flawless

In: Faith, Living
Note hanging on door, color photo

When I look in the mirror, I don’t always like what I see. I tend to focus on every imperfection, every flaw. As I age, more wrinkles naturally appear. And I’ve never been high maintenance, so the gray hairs are becoming more frequent, too. Growing up a lot of negative words were spoken about me: my body, my weight, my hair, my build. Words I’ve somehow carried my whole life. The people who proclaimed them as my truth don’t even remember what they said, I’m sure. But that’s the power of negative words. Sticks and stones may break our bones,...

Keep Reading

Your Husband Needs Friendship Too

In: Faith, Friendship, Marriage
3 men smiling outside

As the clock inches closer to 7:00 on a Monday evening, I pull out whatever dessert I had prepared that week and set it out on the kitchen counter. This particular week it’s a trifle, but other weeks it may be brownies, pound cake, or cookies of some kind. My eyes do one last sweep to make sure there isn’t a tripping hazard disguised as a dog toy on the floor and that the leftover dinner is put away. Then, my kids and I make ourselves scarce. Sometimes that involves library runs or gym visits, but it mostly looks like...

Keep Reading

This Is Why Moms Ask for Experience Gifts

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Mother and young daughter under Christmas lights wearing red sweaters

When a mama asks for experience gifts for her kids for Christmas, please don’t take it as she’s ungrateful or a Scrooge. She appreciates the love her children get, she really does. But she’s tired. She’s tired of the endless number of toys that sit in the bottom of a toy bin and never see the light of day. She’s tired of tripping over the hundreds of LEGOs and reminding her son to pick them up so the baby doesn’t find them and choke. She’s tired of having four Elsa dolls (we have baby Elsa, Barbie Elsa, a mini Elsa,...

Keep Reading

When You Just Don’t Feel Like Christmas

In: Faith, Living
Woman sad looking out a winter window

It’s hard to admit, but some years I have to force myself to decorate for Christmas. Some years the lights look a little dimmer. The garlands feel a bit heavier. And the circumstances of life just aren’t wrapped in a big red bow like I so wish they were. Then comparison creeps in like a fake Facebook friend and I just feel like hiding under the covers and skipping it all. Because I know there’s no way to measure up to the perfect life “out there.” And it all just feels heavier than it used to. Though I feel alone,...

Keep Reading

When Your Kids Ask, “Where Is God?”

In: Faith, Kids
Child looking at sunset

How do I know if the voice I’m hearing is God’s voice? When I was in high school, I found myself asking this question. My dad was a pastor, and I was feeling called to ministry. I didn’t know if I was just hearing my dad’s wish or the call of God. I was worried I was confusing the two. It turns out, I did know. I knew because I was raised to recognize the presence of God all around me. Once I knew what God’s presence felt like, I also knew what God’s voice sounded like. There is a...

Keep Reading

To the Woman Longing to Become a Mother

In: Faith, Grief, Motherhood
Woman looking at pregnancy test with hand on her head and sad expression

To the woman who is struggling with infertility. To the woman who is staring at another pregnancy test with your flashlight or holding it up in the light, praying so hard that there will be even the faintest line. To the woman whose period showed up right on time. To the woman who is just ready to quit. I don’t know the details of your story. I don’t know what doctors have told you. I don’t know how long you have been trying. I don’t know how many tears you have shed. I don’t know if you have lost a...

Keep Reading

I Was There to Walk My Mother to Heaven

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Hand holding older woman's hand

I prayed to see my momma die. Please don’t click away yet or judge me harshly after five seconds. I prayed to see, to experience, to be in the room, to be a part of every last millisecond of my momma’s final days, final hours, and final moments here on Earth. You see, as a wife of a military man, I have always lived away from my family. I have missed many birthdays, celebrations, dinners, and important things. But my heart couldn’t miss this important moment. I live 12 hours away from the room in the house where my momma...

Keep Reading

God Sent Me to You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Newborn gazing at mother with father smiling down

I was a little unsure As I left God’s warm embrace: What will it be like? What challenges will I face? There were so many questions Running through my mind. I asked around for the answers I was hoping to find. Who will hold me And cuddle me tight? Who will rock me To sleep at night? RELATED: The Newborn Nights Feel As Endless As My Love For You Who will comfort me When I’ve had a rough day? Who will be there To take my worries away? Who will nourish me And make sure I grow? Who will read...

Keep Reading