Dear Child of Divorce, It’s Not Your Fault

It’s not your fault. None of it is. You are not to blame in any of this. How could you be? You are young and innocent and oh, so brave for traveling the road before you.

You will learn lessons many don’t learn until well into their adult years.

You will probably also have to fight many battles a child should never have to face.

I just want you to remember—none of it is your fault. 

Some people just aren’t meant to be together, and in your case, that’s your parents. I know it’s hard.

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God hears the prayers of a child, so seek Him. But do not be discouraged if He doesn’t grant you the desire in your heart and the wish for your parents to get back together. You don’t know it now, but He is in control. I promise, sometimes this is for the better.

I’m sorry you are a witness to arguments. More than you should be as a child. You may feel the weight of them on your shoulders, but they are not your fault.

I’m sorry you feel the need to take sides in a situation that is much greater and more complex than you can understand right now. One day you will get the chance to see all angles, and I hope you have the grace to extend forgiveness to your parents and to who you were back then. 

It’s OK to be scared. It’s OK to not understand right now. Your parents probably don’t comprehend everything either. 

It’s not your fault you feel caught up in a whirlwind. It’s not fair you don’t have the ability to recognize the fear and anxiety inside of you.

I’m sorry you have to grow up faster than your friends.

It’s not your fault you must pack a suitcase often and rotate clothes between houses so your friends don’t notice you wearing the same five outfits to school every other week. 

It’s not your fault people may seem to pity you. Do not let their feelings make you feel sorry for yourself. You are strong and capable, and you can handle this. It may seem overwhelming now, but one day you will see the immense strength you carried through your childhood. 

It’s not your fault you must find a way to balance other adult’s feelings on top of the load you already carry for yourself.

It’s not your fault if you have to ask for help. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to reach out. I hope you have someone in your corner.

I’m sorry you feel left out when you visit friend’s houses who don’t have divorced parents. I’m sorry this makes you feel inadequate. Please know you aren’t less than.

The anger you witness is not your fault.

The sadness that sometimes engulfs you is not your fault.

 The worry that churns in your stomach is not your fault.

 The fear that takes residence in your body is not your fault.

These are big feelings for a tiny person, and I’m sorry they’re on your plate.

You will grow and learn, and one day you will look back and see all the ways you had to mature faster than you should have. You will see your strength. You will see the love. You will find a place of forgiveness in your heart for all of your memories once deemed unfair and tragic. 

RELATED: Kids With Divorced Parents Will Be OK

Your parents still love you even if they don’t love each other anymore. Don’t ever forget that.

Dear child, things are hard for both you and your parents. They are trying to make choices that are best for themselves and for you, and I am sorry you are being pulled into the mix. 

It’s not your fault. None of it is.