Our fall favorites are here! 🍂

“You have two beautiful daughters, when are you going to try for a son?”

This is what my wife and I faced for several years – the constant question about having a third child.

I’m a dad who is like most others. I have a career. I volunteer in the community. I like to hang out with friends, play hoops, play poker, golf, and go to ball games. I have a busy schedule, and I like to be active.

With babies and toddlers, parents are in what I affectionately call “the shadow stage.” We shadow their every step and every move. We provide every level of care they need. We keep them from falling down and getting hurt. We even watch them while they sleep, to make sure they’re breathing OK. As enjoyable as it is to raise babies, the shadow stage can leave parents exhausted, stressed, and just plain drained. Leaving little time and energy for extracurricular activities.

When my girls hit ages 7 and 5, life got a lot easier. I mean, they were both more self-sufficient. They could feed, dress, bathe, and entertain themselves. I actually began to look forward to the Griswold-style family road trips and vacations to Mt Rushmore. We were entering that stage of really enjoying parenthood with kids who were in a prime age of wonder and excitement. I call this the “fun and freedom stage.” Plus, my heart was so full of love for those two girls. Was there room for more?

Then the questions kept coming. “Wouldn’t another baby just complete your family?”

The thing is…I felt like our family was complete. I didn’t need another child to fulfill my life. Besides, we were in the fun and freedom stage. Time to live it up and enjoy it, right? Everyone says it goes fast. Wouldn’t a baby get in the way and slow us down?

So I fought it. Even though my wife started talking about it more and more. I fought it. “We are too settled,” I thought. “Another baby would be too expensive. We’d have to get a bigger car. We’d have to add a bedroom to our house somehow. We’d have to delay our big vacation plans.”  I was looking for good excuses.

Plus, I felt like I couldn’t go back to the stage of bottles, and diapers, and 3 am wake-up calls, and car seats, and strollers, and spit-up, and…and…….

And smiles…and coos…and snuggles…and adoring blue eyes…and nursery rhymes…and lullabies…and a face that lights up when you enter the room.

We had another baby. I still remember the moment the doctor revealed to us it was a boy. I didn’t expect to be as excited as I was. I could have loved three girls as much as anything, but now, I have a son. I have a SON! At that moment my life flashed before my eyes and I saw us playing catch in the backyard, going to sporting events together, fishing, camping, golfing, playing video games, joking, laughing and all the other cliché images of fathers and sons one could imagine. 

My two daughters are “daddy’s girls.” I adore those little ladies. They bring me so much joy and happiness. They’ve made me feel like the luckiest dad in the world.

So perhaps my hesitancy in having another baby at first was based on fear. Fear of losing that connection with my daughters. Fear of putting additional stress on my life and marriage. Fear that something could go wrong with the pregnancy and cause pain for my wife. Fear of…messy. 

But each time those fearful thoughts crept into my head, I was reminded that God will not give us more than we can handle. And I prayed about it. I wasn’t sure exactly what to pray for because I still didn’t know what I wanted. That’s the great thing about faith. Because God knows what’s in our hearts – even better than we do. He knows what’s best for each of us. So when I opened my heart and asked God to simply let His will be done in my life, it happened.

God gave us the gift of a baby boy. And like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day – March 3rd, 2017. I adore the kid. He doesn’t do much yet, but I can tell we’re going to best friends.

So this Father’s Day, I rejoice and give thanks. I’ve learned to stop trying to control everything myself. Not only do I have a new relationship with my baby boy, but I have a stronger connection to my Father in Heaven. I never expected to feel this much love. Fear is gone. At least, until he starts crawling.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Kyle Means

Kyle Means is the Director of Marketing for the University of Nebraska at Kearney. He enjoyed a fulfilling career in Sports & Entertainment prior to his work in higher education. Past stops include HuskerVision, Houston Rockets/Toyota Center, and the Tri-City Storm/Viaero Event Center. Kyle left the sports biz in 2014 to pursue a career more focused on marketing where he can use a combination of strategic and creative skills. Plus, he now has a few more nights and weekends to spend with his awesome family including his wife (HerViewFromHome founder) Leslie Means, their two daughters Ella and Grace and son, Keithan.  Kyle still enjoys watching and playing a variety of sports. The competitive, yet unifying, nature of sports is a strangely beautiful concept that he loves. When he’s not enhancing the brand at UNK, spending time with family or watching/playing sports, Kyle can usually be found volunteering at First Lutheran Church where likes to display a strong faith and give back to the community.

All I Could Do Was Make It to Church Today

In: Faith, Motherhood
Close up of man holding baby in his arms in church pew with kids in background

All I can do is make it to church today. It was the final thought that shut the door on all the other thoughts this morning. The thoughts that said I don’t look good enough. I should put on makeup. I should wear something nicer. I should find a way to paint my nails without them getting smudged up from holding a baby before they dry. The thoughts that said I am not doing good enough. I should have made supper last night. I shouldn’t have used that glass pan that shattered in the oven while trying to steam bake...

Keep Reading

It’s Time to Talk about the Crushing Weight of Motherhood

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother and three children, color photo

As millennial women and mothers, we have been making waves in the sea of mental health. We have unashamedly and unapologetically shared our postpartum depression and anxiety stories so that future generations won’t feel as though they’re drowning in the weight of it all.  I remember sitting in my living room, staring at my newborn, crying in frustration and fear that I was already failing him.  I remember the pain of trying to use the bathroom for the first time after labor, to have family suddenly stop by, and feeling so embarrassed I screamed and they left, ultimately leaving me...

Keep Reading

Kids Need Grace and So Do Their Moms

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler
Woman touching child's forehead

We were having a hard morning. Our house was overrun with toys, I hadn’t had a chance to get dressed, and my stress level was increasing by the minute. To top it all off, my 3-year-old was having a meltdown anytime I spoke to her. Even looking in her general direction was a grave mistake. It was one of those days that as a parent, you know you’re really in for it. I was quickly losing my patience. My frustration began to ooze out of me. I snapped orders, stomped around, and my attitude quite clearly was not pleasant to...

Keep Reading

A Love That Will Never Leave You

In: Faith, Living
Cover art of book Pilgrim by Ruth Chou Simons

My firstborn spent a semester abroad in his junior year of college. Like any mom who’s separated from her child, I knew the exact distance between him and me those months he was away. It felt like a million miles, but it was actually only 4,533, including one very large body of water. While he was away, we weren’t even on the same continent, and truthfully, I hadn’t expected the ache to be so overwhelming. Thankfully, our weekly chats on video eased the sadness and served to remind me that, in spite of miles and time zones, there was no...

Keep Reading

A Mother Doesn’t Have to Be Prepared to Be Sustained

In: Baby, Faith, Motherhood
Mother cuddling baby on a bed

I feel the warmth radiating from my weeks-old baby girl’s body onto my lap. She sleeps soundly. But I can’t. My jaw is clenched, my forehead is wrinkled, my body is tense. I’ve been in complete survival mode. Our baby girl unexpectedly made her appearance one month early due to some placental deficiencies and was born at three and a half pounds. I wasn’t prepared.  When I saw my sweet girl, my heart was instantly taken over by immense love and immense fear. Fear grabbing me with every thought, every breath. I wasn’t prepared.  She spent some time in the NICU but not...

Keep Reading

Thank You God for Everyday Heroes

In: Faith, Living
Firefighter in gear walking, black-and-white photo

Tonight, our family watched a movie together. It was an action-adventure movie where, against unbelievable odds, the good guy saves the day. At some point during the movie, I turned to my husband, and said, “You’re that guy—the guy that is good in a crisis, who saves the day.” Once, when my husband and I were out for dinner, a woman seated near us fainted and was lying on the floor. The waiters and waitresses ran to her aid but didn’t know what to do. My husband is a firefighter/EMT. He had gone outside to grab a sweater, and when...

Keep Reading

I’ll Always Be the One Who Loved Them First

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen
Family with three small boys standing in kitchen, color photo

I’m no longer the last person he says goodnight to. That’s a hard pill to swallow. Here we are, just raising these boys, hoping and praying things over their futures, watching them grow, teaching them independence and other life skills, hoping they have heard the things we have said, and praying they make our faith their faith and choose to follow Jesus. And then, just like that, without any warning, without asking my permission, there is someone special in his life. Someone he spends hours on the phone with. Someone he wants to spend his time with. Someone who isn’t...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, about That Other 4-Letter Word

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Portrait of a beautiful little girl in blue shirt

As my kindergartner came bounding through the door back from the park, she seemed ecstatic to tell me all about her adventure, but what came from her sweet mouth was not the usual tale of making friends or playing make-believe. Instead, she stared up at me and said, “A little boy called me ugly.”  As I tried to assess her thoughts on the matter, her big brother was quickly confirming the story and acknowledging to me that it was not a very nice thing to say. As I looked at my husband coming in the door behind them, I could...

Keep Reading

Let Them Have a Bad Day, and Other Wisdom on Raising Teens

In: Faith, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom comforting teen girl with head in hands

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I have nearly four teens now, and I’ve learned a lot the hard way. I see other parents around me who are just getting to that stage make the same mistakes I did, so I want to share what I’ve learned:   If you want to teach your kids to walk in the way of God, you better not leave out teaching them about forgiveness. That’s a big deal to God. It’s pretty central. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and the heaviness that comes when you have teenagers, and they...

Keep Reading

My Baby is Going to Kindergarten and God Will Go With Him

In: Faith, Kids, Motherhood
Little boy with green backpack walking to school

My baby is going to kindergarten, and I am not going to cry. Yep, you read that right.  My blessing baby (aka surprise addition) is going to kindergarten in seven days, and I am not a weepy crying mess. My kind quiet 10-year-old is starting his last year of elementary school, and I am not going to cry about that either.  And my firstborn—the tiny, five-pound baby girl who made me a momma—will be in eighth grade. Her last year of middle school before high school. It all seems like big changes and big moments. But I am not going...

Keep Reading