“You have two beautiful daughters, when are you going to try for a son?”

This is what my wife and I faced for several years – the constant question about having a third child.

I’m a dad who is like most others. I have a career. I volunteer in the community. I like to hang out with friends, play hoops, play poker, golf, and go to ball games. I have a busy schedule, and I like to be active.

With babies and toddlers, parents are in what I affectionately call “the shadow stage.” We shadow their every step and every move. We provide every level of care they need. We keep them from falling down and getting hurt. We even watch them while they sleep, to make sure they’re breathing OK. As enjoyable as it is to raise babies, the shadow stage can leave parents exhausted, stressed, and just plain drained. Leaving little time and energy for extracurricular activities.

When my girls hit ages 7 and 5, life got a lot easier. I mean, they were both more self-sufficient. They could feed, dress, bathe, and entertain themselves. I actually began to look forward to the Griswold-style family road trips and vacations to Mt Rushmore. We were entering that stage of really enjoying parenthood with kids who were in a prime age of wonder and excitement. I call this the “fun and freedom stage.” Plus, my heart was so full of love for those two girls. Was there room for more?

Then the questions kept coming. “Wouldn’t another baby just complete your family?”

The thing is…I felt like our family was complete. I didn’t need another child to fulfill my life. Besides, we were in the fun and freedom stage. Time to live it up and enjoy it, right? Everyone says it goes fast. Wouldn’t a baby get in the way and slow us down?

So I fought it. Even though my wife started talking about it more and more. I fought it. “We are too settled,” I thought. “Another baby would be too expensive. We’d have to get a bigger car. We’d have to add a bedroom to our house somehow. We’d have to delay our big vacation plans.”  I was looking for good excuses.

Plus, I felt like I couldn’t go back to the stage of bottles, and diapers, and 3 am wake-up calls, and car seats, and strollers, and spit-up, and…and…….

And smiles…and coos…and snuggles…and adoring blue eyes…and nursery rhymes…and lullabies…and a face that lights up when you enter the room.

We had another baby. I still remember the moment the doctor revealed to us it was a boy. I didn’t expect to be as excited as I was. I could have loved three girls as much as anything, but now, I have a son. I have a SON! At that moment my life flashed before my eyes and I saw us playing catch in the backyard, going to sporting events together, fishing, camping, golfing, playing video games, joking, laughing and all the other cliché images of fathers and sons one could imagine. 

My two daughters are “daddy’s girls.” I adore those little ladies. They bring me so much joy and happiness. They’ve made me feel like the luckiest dad in the world.

So perhaps my hesitancy in having another baby at first was based on fear. Fear of losing that connection with my daughters. Fear of putting additional stress on my life and marriage. Fear that something could go wrong with the pregnancy and cause pain for my wife. Fear of…messy. 

But each time those fearful thoughts crept into my head, I was reminded that God will not give us more than we can handle. And I prayed about it. I wasn’t sure exactly what to pray for because I still didn’t know what I wanted. That’s the great thing about faith. Because God knows what’s in our hearts – even better than we do. He knows what’s best for each of us. So when I opened my heart and asked God to simply let His will be done in my life, it happened.

God gave us the gift of a baby boy. And like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day – March 3rd, 2017. I adore the kid. He doesn’t do much yet, but I can tell we’re going to best friends.

So this Father’s Day, I rejoice and give thanks. I’ve learned to stop trying to control everything myself. Not only do I have a new relationship with my baby boy, but I have a stronger connection to my Father in Heaven. I never expected to feel this much love. Fear is gone. At least, until he starts crawling.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Kyle Means

Kyle Means is the Director of Marketing for the University of Nebraska at Kearney. He enjoyed a fulfilling career in Sports & Entertainment prior to his work in higher education. Past stops include HuskerVision, Houston Rockets/Toyota Center, and the Tri-City Storm/Viaero Event Center. Kyle left the sports biz in 2014 to pursue a career more focused on marketing where he can use a combination of strategic and creative skills. Plus, he now has a few more nights and weekends to spend with his awesome family including his wife (HerViewFromHome founder) Leslie Means, their two daughters Ella and Grace and son, Keithan.  Kyle still enjoys watching and playing a variety of sports. The competitive, yet unifying, nature of sports is a strangely beautiful concept that he loves. When he’s not enhancing the brand at UNK, spending time with family or watching/playing sports, Kyle can usually be found volunteering at First Lutheran Church where likes to display a strong faith and give back to the community.

God Has You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman hugging herself while looking to the side

Holding tight to the cold, sterile rail of the narrow, rollaway ER bed, I hovered helplessly over my oldest daughter. My anxious eyes bounced from her now steadying breaths to the varying lines and tones of the monitor overhead. Audible reminders of her life that may have just been spared. For 14 years, we’d been told anaphylaxis was possible if she ingested peanuts. But it wasn’t until this recent late autumn evening we would experience the fear and frenzy of our apparent new reality. My frantic heart hadn’t stopped racing from the very moment she struggled to catch a breath....

Keep Reading

My Husband Having a Stroke at 30 Wasn’t in Our Plans

In: Faith, Living
Husband and wife, selfie, color photo

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV) This verse in the book of Jeremiah has long been a favorite of mine. In fact, it’s felt relevant across many life events. Its simple, yet powerful reminder has been a place of solace, perhaps even a way to maintain equilibrium when I’ve felt my world spinning a bit out of control. In this season of starting fresh and new year intentions, I find great comfort in knowing...

Keep Reading

She Left Him on Valentine’s Day

In: Faith, Marriage
Husband kissing wife on cheek, color photo

“Can you believe that?” Those were the dreaded knife-cutting whispers I heard from across the table. I sunk deeper into my chair. My hopes fell as everyone would forever remember that I had left my fiancée on Valentine’s Day. Maybe one day it would just dissipate like the dream wedding I had planned or the canceled plane tickets for the Hawaiian honeymoon. Some bridesmaids and guests had already booked plane tickets. It was my own nightmare that kept replaying in my head over and over again. I had messed up. Big time. To be honest, if it made any difference,...

Keep Reading

God was In the Room for Our Daughter’s Open Heart Surgery

In: Faith, Motherhood
Child's hand with IV

I’ve had a strong faith for as long as I can remember, but I always felt bad that I never had a “testimony.” I had never gone through something that made me sit back and say, “Wow, God is real, He is here.” I have always felt it to my core, but no moment had ever stopped me dead in my tracks to where there was no denying that it was God. And then, that moment happened to me on December 5. After five months of fervently praying for a miracle for our daughter, the day came for her heart...

Keep Reading

A Benediction for the Worn Out Mother

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman leaning against kitchen counter, black-and-white photo

Blessed are you, Father, for bestowing upon me the honor of motherhood. For allowing me to experience the deep joy of bringing forth life—a joy I often take for granted and instead choose to begrudge. My children’s cries and demands have worn me down. I do not recognize myself. I selfishly long for the old me. My thoughts are an intangible mess of never-ending tasks, self-criticism, and comparison to those around me. RELATED: God Sees You, Weary Mama But Your word says you are near to the broken-hearted and downtrodden. You do not forget the cause of the tired and the...

Keep Reading

God Doesn’t Forget You When You’re Lost and Unsure

In: Faith, Living
Woman looking into camera, color photo

I’ve been wandering around feeling lost for over a year. Wondering where I’m going, what I’m supposed to be doing. Nothing seems to make sense. I felt purposeless. I felt stuck. I questioned everything: my faith, my marriage, my career—if it could be questioned, I doubted it. And I was completely clueless how to fix the funk. For over a year, I’ve been in the wilderness. I’ve wanted to find my way, but every path seemed like another dead end. The wilderness. I’ve been residing there. Not feeling fed. Not feeling heard. Not feeling seen. Struggling to find a purpose....

Keep Reading

And Then, the Darkness Lifts

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother with baby smiling

Today when I woke, it had lifted, like sunshine peeking after rain. And as my toddler clicked on the lamp beside my bed to see her mama, I saw me too. I got out of bed and I walked down the hall. And the coffee pot sat there waiting for me, as always, like my husband at the kitchen table with his books. He smiled at me, and I think he could tell as I took my medicine, took down a mug, and poured my coffee. I opened the secretary desk and pulled out the chair and my Bible, like...

Keep Reading

Joy in This Stillness

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding sleeping toddler, color photo

I woke up suddenly in a sweat while it was still dark. Except for the humming of the oxygen machine, the house was silent. For a moment, I thought I might have time to enjoy a cup of coffee before my son woke up. However, a glance at my daughter’s crib told me that feeding my caffeine addiction would have to wait. My daughter has a terminal brain disorder called Lissencephaly, a side effect of which is uncontrolled epilepsy. Many mornings, a subconscious recognition that she is having episodes of repeated seizures rouses me from my sleep. Throwing on a...

Keep Reading

Sometimes All We Can Do Is Say How Hard Motherhood Is

In: Faith, Motherhood
Tired mom with baby in foreground

I have been sitting in the peace and quiet of the office to do some long overdue Bible study for all of five minutes when the baby wakes up. With a heavy sigh that is becoming all too common, I go to the bedroom to pick up my fussy, probably getting sick, 8-month-old daughter who has been asleep for approximately 15 minutes. I bring her to the office and put her on the floor with some new books and toys. Sitting back down in front of my own new book of Bible maps and charts, I begin reading once again....

Keep Reading

Sometimes I Want to Skip This Part

In: Faith, Living
Husband and wife sitting on swing, color photo

Kelly Clarkson’s new album Chemistry is about the arch of her relationship with her husband and their divorce. The first song on the album is called “skip this part.” It begins with her asking if she can skip the heartbreak. She begs to jump over the deep pain that came with her divorce. The song is haunting and beautiful and says things like, “my heart can’t forget the ache before the mend.” She is honest and vulnerable, admitting she is not sure if she has the strength to get through the pain. She just wants it all to be over, for...

Keep Reading