One of my biggest sins was my promiscuity.

Coming from a broken home, seeing my dad go at such a young age.

Feeling like he didn’t want me, feeling like he didn’t fight for me.

And then being molested, having my innocence stolen, having someone touch my body without my permission, being forced to touch someone else without my consent.

These feelings, these experiences, were big for such a little person, too big.

I didn’t know how to process them. I didn’t know how to work through them.

So, I held them in. I stuffed them deep within my soul.

But all this hurt was detrimental.

It was too much for me to bear.

It damaged me.

All this hurt shaped me and molded me into an adult desperately wanting the love of a man. Into an adult with an unhealthy and totally skewed view of sex.

So there I stood, alone.

There I stood, broken.

There I stood, with a gaping hole in my heart.

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There I stood, before my college dorm with no guidance.

There I stood, before my college dorm with all the freedom in the world.

One bad decision.

Then another.

And another.

It didn’t take long to spiral out of control.

And with each encounter, instead of feeling better, I felt worse.

They didn’t love me.

I didn’t love me, either.

I became a shell of my former self.

I became even more damaged than before.

For years I lied to myself about what I had done, what I was still continuing to do.

I was stuck.

I was miserable.

I was hurting.

I was bound by my shame.

I was bound by my lies.

I was exactly where the enemy wanted me.

But friends, the good Lord calls us out of the grave.

The good Lord calls us out of the darkness, He calls us into the light.

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He forgives us of our sins.

He makes us new again.

“Oh what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sins are put out of sight” (Romans 4:7).

Thank You, Lord. Thank You for calling me out of the grave, out of my sin and shame. Thank You for saving my life. Thank You for Your all-consuming, perfect love.

Thank You for Your love that heals. Thank You for Your love that fills in the cracks of my broken heart.

Thank You for dying for my sins. Thank You for washing me clean. Thank You for living inside me and making me new.

Lord, I know there are so many people out there just like me.

I know I’m not alone in the poor decisions I have made. I know so many are walking that road right now, trying to fill that void. I know there are so many people stuck. I know so many are feeling hopeless.

Lord, it is for them I pray today. I pray for Your intercession. I pray that You call them out of the darkness and into the light. I pray that they can be brave enough to take Your hand. I pray that they can be trusting enough to step into the light.

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Lord, I pray for those who desperately need You right now. Save them. Save them as You have saved me. Wash them clean. Take away their shame. Give them new life. Give them peace and joy that can only be found in You.

It is in Your precious, holy name I pray.
Amen.

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

Jessika Sanders

Jessika, a wife and mother of two young girls and a recent NICU graduate, used to pride herself on being a strong, independent woman. When life dealt her a hand she couldn’t handle, a God she never knew, stepped in and saved her. Walking her through divorce, through the healing of previous hurts, and through the crisis surrounding her son’s birth, Jessika vulnerably shares pieces of her story to show how freedom, hope, and wholeness can be found in Christ. For encouragement follow her on her platforms of www.fb.me/piecesofjessika and www.fb.me/hopeintheunexpected