Dear fellow mom,

Maybe you know me well or maybe you barely know me at all. Maybe we were once close but have since drifted apart. Maybe we’re the best of friends. Or, maybe we’ve never met—this will be the case for most of you.

Whatever our story is, I want you to know that I’m rooting for you. In this game of motherhood, I want you to succeed.

It doesn’t matter if we don’t share the same parenting style and beliefs. I don’t care if you think epidurals are for the weak and formula is poison. I might disagree with you, but I still want to see you prosper.

If you are a woman who unfairly judges other women based on your own incorrect perceptions and narrowmindedness, I still want you to do well. Even if your opinions make me angry, I don’t want you to fail.

If you tear other women down, I want to see your mind and heart remedied. I want to see you rebuilt so that you may then also build up others. Because, whether you know it or not, that’s where true strength lies and that is how you grow.

If you’re pregnant, I wish you a boring, uneventful pregnancy and delivery. If you have a perfect pregnancy, I wish for you to develop empathy for those who do not. If you have a difficult pregnancy, I wish for you a well of strength from which to pull and for healing, comfort, and whatever else you’ll need.

I want you to feel comfortable with your life as motherhood transforms it, but, still, I want to see you challenged by motherhood. I want it to push and pull you and tug at your heart and bear weight on your mind. We learn most when we struggle, so I wish for you a manageable struggle, one that might stretch you to your limits, but one for which you’ll be well-equipped because those limits will be your own.

Motherhood will take you on a ride whether you want it to or not, so I pray that your ride will be at a reasonable speed with clear skies rather than a torrential downpour.

I wish for you to understand that your motherhood doesn’t outshine my motherhood and vice versa. That we are not in competition. That there is no “us” versus “them”. That whatever labels you want to place on your motherhood have nothing to do with my motherhood—or anyone else’s for that matter.

I want you to understand that it can happen to you. Whatever “it” is that you are so sure will not, I want you to understand that it can—if only to prevent you from casting blame rather than grace, or from indulging in arrogance instead of humility.

I wish for you never to be the person who says she “would never” (things rarely end well for her).

Finally, I want you to know that I care about you. I care because there are no stakes higher than those of motherhood. It is the tie that binds throughout generations and throughout history.

The reason I root so hard for you is because we are on the same team. If one mother suffers, all mothers suffer, and if a mother suffers then children suffer, and if children suffer then the future suffers.

As a mother, you are a part of something bigger than yourself, and while that is a daunting thought, it’s also a comforting one. So, be kind to your fellow moms. You’re not the first to walk this path and you certainly won’t be the last.

Thanks for reading.

Yours in motherhood,
A fellow mom

Originally published on the author’s blog

Candace Alnaji

Candace is a workplace civil rights attorney, writer, and proud mom of three. Her musings on work and parenthood have appeared in numerous places around the web. In 2019, she was named one of Working Mother Magazine's Top Working Mom Bloggers. Candace can be found writing about law, motherhood, and more on her blog as The Mom at Law. She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.