So God Made a Mother is Here! 🎉

Dear first-time mom,

I remember being you. Filled with life for the first time. Anticipating the arrival of my very first child, transitioning into the role of motherhood. I remember the determination I had to succeed. The knowledge I absorbed. The fear I had that I wouldn’t be able to be the Mom I had always longed to be, not to mention the fact that I had to push this new life out.

I’ve been exactly where you are now. I know the feeling of nausea combined with gratitude. I know the feelings of flutters in my belly for the first time. I know the fear you have before an ultrasound, or while the midwife is searching for the heartbeat. I’ve been there.

And suddenly, in the blink of an eye, I find myself here: A “been there done that” mom.

My youngest “baby” is potty trained, speaks in full sentences and has been weaned from all things baby. All the furniture I once found annoying and bulky has vacated my home. Now, I am a mom of children I have to raise. On the cusp of the teenage years with my oldest, and complete with my family. My baby days are gone.

Most of the time I have peace about it. Logically, I know we are done adding to our family. Sometimes it just takes time for my feelings and my hormones to catch up, and sometimes I find I’m in the grieving phase.

It’s funny, in the end of pregnancy we long for nothing more but the ending, sick of the discomfort, excited to meet our fresh new life, and just d-o-n-e cooking that little one. But on this side of the fence, it’s so hard to look back with experienced eyes knowing how fast it’s all gone.

I remember being you, and finding “been there done that” advice kind of annoying, because this was my baby and I was going to do it MY way after all. Please understand not all “been there done that” moms offer you advice because we are pushy and think we know-it-all, but rather our hearts are yearning for the very days you’re now in.

Never once in those days did I imagine how hard it would be to be a finished “been there done that” mom whose baby days are behind her. I never recognized those well-meaning mommas were giving me advice out of love, and also out of experience and sadness that this phase of life has moved so quickly.

I know first-hand how much things change. I gave birth four times in eight years, and rules and guidelines changed in between each of my children about certain things, so I am grieving that my “current” knowledge isn’t current. My knowledge is growing to be outdated, the same as moms who did this before me did. That’s hard.

It’s hard to know we’re done. It’s hard to know that though my head and heart is full of experience I must let you figure it out yourself, just like I wanted to when I was a first-time mom like you. It’s hard to know my turn is done, as I watch you with rose-colored sunglasses on begin on your journey.

So please, remember that us “been there done that” moms always mean well when we offer advice. It’s coming from a place of genuine love for the role. By all means, ask us—we can then happily answer knowing we aren’t annoying you with our unsolicited advice. It makes me so thankful when people search for advice from me, because that is a reminder that I am indeed a “been there done that” mom, but also that I’ve done well enough to be considered trustworthy for advice.

The greatest compliment you can give us “been there done that” moms is respect for where we are, as we try not to step over our well-meaning bounds.

Do us a favor: enjoy every moment. Someday without you even realizing, you will join our ranks. Though it seems like forever when you’re in the thick of it, it is gone all too quickly.

Love,
A been there done that mom

PS—Don’t forget to give us snuggles when that baby does come. No one knows better than us how nice to is to have someone else hold your baby so you can eat your meal while it’s warm, or shower, or just give your arms a rest.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Leslie Deane-Mountjoy

Leslie Deane-Mountjoy is studying to become a Registered Psychotherapist. She loves to encourage people to see their true worth as beloved children of the King, capable of overcoming the obstacles life throws their way. She is married to her high school sweetheart, and together they have four kids. Leslie is rarely seen without a big smile, and a cup of coffee!

And We Rocked

In: Motherhood
Black and white photo of a baby sleeping

My belly had grown and stretched to make room for you. I simply couldn’t wait to see your little face. I sat in your nursery, which was nearly complete, and whispered all the thoughts, fears, and feelings that filled my mind. You kicked in response as if to remind me we were in this together. And we rocked. Everyone told me that babies sleep a lot. But not you. It was as if you didn’t want to miss one moment of this big, beautiful life. I was to my bones tired. You refused to sleep. We continued this merry-go-round where...

Keep Reading

When You Look Back on These Pictures, I Hope You Feel My Love

In: Kids, Motherhood
Four kids playing in snow, color photo

I document your life in pictures. I do it for you. I do it for me. I do it because I want you to know I lived every memory. And loved every moment. When you go back through the thousands of moments, I hope it sparks something deep inside of you. Something that perhaps your heart and mind had forgotten until that moment. And I hope that it makes you smile.  I hope the memories flood and you remember how much each moment was cherished.  I hope each giggle and secret that was shared with your sisters at that moment sparks...

Keep Reading

Did I Make Caring for You My Idol?

In: Motherhood
Little boy sitting in lawn chair, color photo

When my disabled son, Lucas, was an adorable little boy, I thought (and declared loudly!) that as long as I was alive and well, I would care for him. I was his mother and no one could ever provide for him as I would. And I completely believed this up until about five years ago. It started with puberty as Lucas blossomed into manhood, shedding his adorableness, and my mental and physical health deteriorated as he grew larger and stronger and became aggressive at times. I whispered to my husband, late at night with tears streaming down my face after...

Keep Reading

The Hardest Teens Sometimes Make the Best Adults

In: Motherhood, Teen
Collage of mom with teens, color photo

Hi, friends. Former middle school and high school teacher here, checking in. Can I let you in on a little something I learned as a secondary teacher? Here it is . . . sometimes the kids who really struggle as teens turn out to be the most amazing adults. Yep. Really. I’ve seen it so many times I felt compelled to share. One student I knew was constantly in trouble and getting me in trouble because I always stuck up for him. (And I don’t regret it.) He played jokes on teachers, gave substitutes a run for their money, left...

Keep Reading

For the Parents of the Kids Who Don’t Fit the Mold

In: Kids, Motherhood
mom hugging her daughter

This one is for the parents of the kids who don’t fit the mold. I see you holding your kid together with nothing but love and a prayer as they cry or feel defeated and you wish the world would see your kid like you do. I see you wiping away their tears after they were yet again passed over for all the awards and accolades. There is no award for showing up for school despite crippling anxiety or remembering to write down assignments for the first year ever. So they had to sit clapping again for friends whose accomplishments...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, You Gave Me Purpose

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother holding baby, color photo

Dear daughter, Before God knit you in my womb, I was wandering around aimlessly, searching for a purpose. I had changed my mind several times about what I wanted to do with my life. I felt so much pressure to figure out what I truly wanted. I rushed into career ideas, only to realize I wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of them. I started grad school, only to quit in three weeks. I was crushed and defeated. I begged God to show me His plan, to give me a purpose. I begged Him to give me something I...

Keep Reading

Let Your Kids See You Try and Fail

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and daughter sitting on floor knitting together

Let your kids see you try and fail at something. That’s what I did today!  My daughter wanted to take a knitting class together. I said sure, naively thinking the skill would come pretty naturally. I’m usually good at things like this.  Guess what? It didn’t. Although she picked it up easily and was basically a knitting pro within five minutes, the teacher kept correcting me, saying, “No, UNDER! You need to go UNDER, not OVER.” She was kind enough, but it just wasn’t clicking. I started to get frustrated with myself. I normally take things like this in stride...

Keep Reading

When Mom Gets a Migraine Life Must Still Go On

In: Living, Motherhood
Mother has a headache, sitting on the couch with kids running around in blur

I can’t tell the story of paramedics from the angle from which they see things, but I can tell it from the angle of the person looking up at them—the one lying in the medically-equipped vehicle with lights flashing and siren audible. There are some lessons in life we learn by blindside—we are thrust into them. That was me that May day in the ambulance.  I had known about migraines; I had decades of first-hand experience with them. I knew vision could be temporarily taken. I have operated countless days with an invisible hammer continuously beating one side of my...

Keep Reading

My Kids Don’t Like to Read, but They Do Love to Learn

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two children reading with each other, color photo

I fell in love with books during a war while my kids lost interest in reading during COVID. Between 1975 and 1990 during the Civil War in Lebanon, my mom, an avid reader, was determined to make me one despite many odds. Once every few weeks, starting when I was about 10, she and I would make the half-hour trek by foot from our apartment in Beirut to a place we called the “book cave.” It was a nondescript space—about 15 by 20 square feet—tucked in the basement of a dilapidated building. Inside, it housed hundreds of books in various...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Need to See Us Slow Down Too

In: Living, Motherhood
Friends with feet up around a fire pit, color photo

I have a girlfriend who has a lake house just over an hour away. It’s in a small town that has a local Mexican restaurant with a fun, easy-going staff that feels like they have to be family. There have been times over the last few years that something about that casual, bright restaurant with its rowdy waiters and surprisingly outstanding, cheap food makes me feel so content. The small lake town is not that far from home, but it feels far enough away to be unavailable to my responsibilities and have a tiny piece of that vacation vibe (without...

Keep Reading