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Dear Husband,

I get it, at least I think I do. You want more sex. Like a lot more, but I’m just not there.

I wonder though, if maybe, just maybecould want more sex. I think I do, but it takes more than just getting naked after the kids are in bed, at least for me it does.

Sex starts in the morning. No, not like that, I mean with a hug, a kiss, and an “I love you” before you leave for work. And linger a bit, with a hand on my waist or my neck. Adding a peck on the cheek or forehead will get you points for extra sweetness.

If you can bring yourself to do it with a straight face, tell me I’m pretty.

Yes, I know I have bedhead and the breath of a dragon, but if you can, try to remember the last time I made your heart go pitter-patter. You know, when I did my hair all up and wore heels. If you can think of how I looked then, picture it, then say the words.

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After you get to work, text me. Ask me how I’m doing, or if I need you to grab anything on your way home. If you didn’t pull off a compliment this morning, give it a shot via text. Maybe even get a little frisky. Just a little.

When you get home, get the kids out of my hair for a bit. I know you had a long day at work, and you’re tired too, but I lost sight of my last nerve sometime around lunch, and if I can just have a few minutes to get my head on straight, I’ll be so much more relaxed.

Help me tuck them in, so I’m not totally frazzled, and then when they’re down, grab me something to drink, you know what I like, and just sit down with me to connect. Tell me about your day, and ask me about mine. I miss talking to adults in full sentences without interruptions.

When it’s time for bed, I might still not want it. No, this isn’t a setup. It might take a couple of days of this to really get me in the mood. I’m not trying to be difficult, it’s just that I don’t know if I have anything to give to one more person in a day.

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But if you keep doing this, it might take a day or two, maybe even a week, but I will come around. I will melt into your arms and it will be sweet, and it will be good. And if you act like you’re doing this because you want to, and not just for the sex, all the better.

You see, I want you too. I want it to be like the old days when we couldn’t get enough of each other.

That’s actually why I’m telling you this—because I haven’t changed, but life has, my body has, and my needs have.

If we can work together to bring back the sweetness, it can be better than those old times, deeper, richer, fuller. It may seem like a lot of hoops to jump through, but I think we’re worth it.

Your wife

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Alethea Mshar

Alethea Mshar is a mother of four children; an adult child who passed away of a drug overdose, one typical daughter and two sons who have Down syndrome, one of whom has autism spectrum disorder and complex medical needs. She has written "What Can I Do To Help", a guide to stepping into the gap when someone you know has a child diagnosed with cancer, which is available on Amazon, and is publishing a memoir titled, "Hope Deferred". She can be found on Twitter as leemshar, and blogs for The Mighty HuffPost as Alethea Mshar, as well as her own blog, Ben's Writing Running Mom on She is also on Facebook as Alethea Mshar, The Writing, Running Mom.

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