Dear only child,

Life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. It’s been you and me for almost five years now. Daddy, too, of course. But you and I have spent a lot of time together over the years. Each summer when I was home from work (I’m a teacher), I thought it would be the last one of just us together. I tried to make the most of our alone time together.

Remember, the time we laid in the hammocks after looking at the sunflowers? We just stared at the sky while I counted my blessings. You giggled and stuck your feet in my face. We walked in streams and played in sandboxes and looked at fish in aquariums.

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Summer turned into fall and fall into winter and winter into spring. We went to pumpkin patches, hiked in the mountains, went on train rides, saw Santa, sipped hot cocoa, spent a lot of time with Grandma and Pop, tried ice-skating, tried (and hated) soccer, and just like that we were back in the hammocks after looking at the sunflowers.

Still no siblings yet. I felt bad that we couldn’t give you a little brother or sister yet. But lying in the hammocks that day, you turned your sweet little face to me and said, “Thanks for taking me here. I’m having really fun.” Thank you for saying that.

Dear only child, we really want another baby but know that you will always be enough for your daddy and me. No matter what happens.

That day in the hammock your daddy and I were in the middle of the adoption process. I felt so at peace. I had you right next to me, my little buddy. I was so thankful for all our time spent together and that life didn’t work out how I planned. This way was better.

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Then something awful happened. A month later Grandma died unexpectedly. You were confused. I was, and still am, so sad. Our adoption got delayed.

Dear only child, life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. I’m so sorry you are so young and have known so much grief. But look at you. I’m so proud and thankful for all you have become. Despite everything that has happened you are sensitive, funny, loving, resilient, compassionate, and curious. I’m so glad you are my child.

Dear only child, our adoption is active now. We could have another child soon. Whatever happens, I’ll forever treasure all the time we spent just you and me.

I love you,
Mommy