Dear Firstborn, I’ll Never Forget When it Was Just Us

My little one,

Tomorrow you earn a new title: “big”. And before we both embark on this new journey, I have a few things I want to remind you of.

You were my first love. I didn’t know how fully immersive love could be until the day I met you.

You taught me how to love, truly love—the selfless kind with all my heart. Because you took a big piece of my heart the day you arrived and you carry it wherever you go. I want you always to remember that, even on the days you ever feel like my love can’t be shared with someone new.

Not only can my love be divided—it continues to multiply for both of you, and that will never change.

But you, you have a special place in my heart that only you can fill.

You made me a better person. You taught me to be a mom, a role I walked into without a map, much less a compass. A road that at times was hard to navigate because it was so different from anything I ever knew. But nonetheless, one I am so glad I get to continue to learn with you.

You taught me the value of time, to slow down to enjoy the little things. As time flew by, I realized it also made you grow a little too fast. So I’m glad I steadied my pace to watch every bit of you. Because of you, I found joy in simplicity.

I relished in every moment of just your being and I’ll never forget those moments that were just about us.

But today . . . today won’t be easy. I’ll hold you extra tight, for as long as I can. We’ll cuddle and read all your favorite books. You can nestle in me as you fall asleep, and I will lay right beside you until you wake. I will indulge in you in the only way I know how, accepting these are the last few hours of just the two of us and working through emotions I can’t fully explain as we add another member to our team.

I am excited. This is a moment we have been anticipating—growing our family and giving you a new role. We can’t wait to meet your sister and, in turn, make you a big brother. I know you are going to be excellent in your new role. One you have been talking about since the day you were told you’d be given a forever friend.

I feel guilty; you were so easy to love it’s hard to imagine it can be recreated so simply again. Change is inevitable, but are you ready for it as much as I am? And, in turn, am I ready to finish this chapter and start the next? Many times it feels like we just started writing our story and I’m not completely ready for the next chapter.

I am sad; it doesn’t seem possible we’re here already. We didn’t want to wish away the baby year, so we waited until you graduated to toddlerhood. I thought we’d be ready once the terrible twos crept in, but they all but seemed a myth as time escaped us. And then suddenly our family grew—and as excited as I am to add another member to our gang, I just started to realize that this phase in our life has also passed a little too fast.

So for now, I’ll let these emotions run through me in the form of extra hugs and fading tears. I know that even though things aren’t going to be different between us, I also know they aren’t going to be exactly the same. But we’ll embrace every new road together, this time with an extra pair of feet by our side.

We were renegades on this journey together, and now that we’re adding one more, we’re going to be rock stars in the life we’ll create.

Tomorrow something truly marvelous is going to happen. You will become a big brother, something you were made to be. And I can’t wait to see how wonderful you’re going to be in this new title.

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