At 12, I wanted to be a mom. I wished someday I would be married and have kids of my own.
At 16, I wanted to be a doctor. But my hopes were dashed when I failed the interview for admission into medical school three years later.
At 19, I wanted to be a performing artiste. I trained intensively in vocals, dance, and drama. I performed and competed.
But at 24, I gave up.
I was overwhelmed with a deep sense of emptiness and found my way back to the Lord.
At 26, I became a mom.
At 30, I had my third child.
At 33, I still have doubts about my capabilities as a mom.
I complain too much. I yell too much. I get frustrated at my kids too easily.
Many times I asked God if I was deserving of the children He had given me.
Many times I wished I had achieved more in my life other than being a mom.
Many times I wallow in self-pity at my lack of career achievement and found my motherly responsibilities burdensome.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my children and I truly believe they are God’s greatest blessings upon my life.
Yet, it seemed like I wasn’t satisfied. Because my ambitions had failed to come true.
I kept seeking opportunities to prove myself. I kept wishing for chances for the world to see my worth and my talents.
I wanted to be a doctor to help people, save lives, and for its societal prestige.
I wanted to be an artist to inspire and influence people, and for its fame and fortune.
But all I have now are my three children.
Is being a mother lowly?
Is being a stay home mom unworthy?
Earlier this evening, as I sat in the backseat with my children and looked at their tired faces from a fun-filled family day we had, a deep sense of peace and love filled my heart.
At that moment I knew without a doubt God has placed me exactly where I should be.
I suddenly remembered what I wanted to be when I was 12.
Throughout the years, I may have forgotten the dream that I had more than three decades ago, but God has most definitely remembered.
God has given me the sacred responsibility of protecting these three lives and the honor of influencing and inspiring them.
This may not come with the societal prestige or the fame and fortune which I had desired, but everything I do as a mother matters to these three lives.
When I take a deep breath and stop myself from yelling at my kids, God sees.
When I lose my patience and bark at my kids, God sees.
When I stay up to clean the house after the children go to bed, God sees.
When I grumble while doing the laundry, God sees.
When I remind my children of God’s unconditional love for them, God sees.
Every action, every thought, and every thread of emotion is seen by Him to created the universe.
He who is so Awesome yet cares for the tiny details of my life.
He who is so Holy yet has entrusted three lives into the hands of this severely flawed woman.
If I have learned anything about being a mother is how selfless I ought to be.
I now realize that the prestige and fame that I had craved were not what God had intended for me.
God took away my ambitions but gave me something greater.
He made me Mother.
All the nitty-gritty things that I do for my children and the mundane chores that I do at home may be uninspiring to the rest of the world but are greatness in the eyes of my Lord.
It isn’t about me.
It’s all for His Glory.
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