When the world is roaring in my ears so loudly I can’t hear. When the headlines leap out at me and my children’s weariness translates to a higher volume, and the calls and the texts never stop. When my voice shouts at me from inside my own head and my own inner monologue drowns out all other thoughts.
I will still listen to You.
When chaos seems to meet me at every turn. When everyone needs me at once, and the little one won’t stop fussing and the big one attempts a fumbling conference call with 90 others her age. When the dryer is full and the dish cabinet is empty and my students are calling and everywhere I turn, I am met with need.
I will be met by You.
When the world collectively holds its breath.
When families are able to only worry from home and not by a gravely ill patient’s bedside. While the nations sob for those we have lost and hold tight to those who remain. When we take their temperatures too many times and when a simple cough causes terror. When the stakes are so high, and I don’t know the right way to turn.
I will turn to You.
When our lives are held in suspended animation. When our jobs and our schools are on pause. When birthday parties go unplanned and milestones are met without an audience cheering us on. When we are forced to sit quietly in our separate spaces, in a worldwide timeout, and reflect on where we’ve been and where we would like to go. When we’re being told to wait.
I will wait with You.
When my bones grow weary and my eyelids droop. When no amount of sleep will erase the dark circles under my eyes. When my feet grow tired from the circles I’m pacing inside my home and my back is sore from the chair in my makeshift office. When my head hits the pillow and exhaustion fills me, but my brain will not rest.
I will rest in You.
And when the days turn to weeks, and weeks to months. When I can’t make sense of all the information coming in and I can’t see an end in sight. When there are more questions than answers and different voices attempt to shout over one another.
When I can’t tell who to believe, and I don’t know who to trust.
I will trust in You.
This isn’t a swarm of locusts, and it’s not a great flood. But I feel the struggle of fear and uncertainty, and my body fights against it. And, like those who faced these struggles before I did, I will hold tight to my belief. I will pray for answers, and I will trust in God’s sufficient grace.
Grace has brought us safe thus far. And grace will lead us home.