There are two things I know for certain about life:
Part of it will be hard. So incredibly hard you won’t be sure about how you’ll make it through some days.
You can’t survive it alone. I don’t think you’d want to try either. You need other people.
We’ve all heard about a “village.” I’m sincerely happy for you if you’ve found yours. But for others, it almost seems like a mythical idea. You might be a person who never really felt like you fit in or connected with a group. You might value your independence, but still feel lonely or discouraged at the same time. Making friends is hard. Making them as an adult is even harder.
The thought of not ever finding your people is terribly isolating.
What I’ve described might be the place you’re in right now. As if you’re a lone wolf howling at the moon. You feel heavy like you might drown at any moment while people walk around the water, glancing your way but never plunging in the water to help.
But maybe, just maybe, a village isn’t what we’ve imagined. We picture those five close-knit girlfriends we’ve had forever who can drop anything at a moment and will be at your side. As we get older, responsibilities change. We change too.
Let’s consider another perspective.
Maybe your village comes in ones or twos. Perhaps you have that friend living thousands of miles away, but she checks in on you every few months. Maybe it’s a new friend who you’re growing closer to; your girlfriend who doesn’t plan much but loves you just the same. Maybe it’s your mom or your sister. It could be someone who helped you in the past, but you moved away from their neighborhood a few years ago.
Take some time to think about those wonderful people you’ve had or have in your life, and don’t give up on finding new friends.
I know it’s not easy, we get lost in a sea of meal prepping, appointments, and carting our kids to various activities. Make time to actively seek out people who may turn out to be your people. Join a club or a workout group, become a volunteer. Invite another mom (or two) over for coffee or a play date. Host a brunch or a game night. Reach out in the way you would like someone to reach out to you.
I want to end with this note of encouragement. If you feel like you’ve failed in the past with friendship and support, keep pushing forward. You’re worthy of friendship, love, and support. I pray you find your village.