Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

Have you ever gone silent?

Not while giving the silent treatment, not suddenly mute, not quiet in thought . . . Silent as in that inner prayerful voice accustomed to a constant dialogue with God has shocked you and fallen still. It feels lost . . . the words that usually knit themselves together so easily, smothered. That voice that speaks your soul, that in other times of trial has bolstered you up and held you together, has left you in silence

When I was 26-weeks pregnant with what would be our first children, twins, I went into pre-term labor. I was put into an ambulance directly from my doctor’s office and rushed to the nearest large hospital. My husband and I were thrust into a stream of medical professionals working to try and slow the labor, while NICU doctors stood over us explaining what it would mean to deliver so prematurely.

A wave of overwhelming grim statistics crashed over us. 

Later that night, medical interventions were able to control the labor but came with stern warnings that it was just a temporary fix. We were moved into a shared room with another couple experiencing the same preterm labor and even the same number of weeks pregnant. Bonding came easily while living out such similar, intense circumstances.

RELATED: 10 Ways to Support Parents of Preemies

And then, the fears and the statistics and the warnings that had blanketed over our room, now weighed down so heavily the air was hard to find. This sweet couple who had been beside us, heavy with the same prayers for their little one, bore the worst . . . they delivered, and their precious baby was lost. 

And I guess that’s about when it happened.

Leading up to this point, the road to motherhood had already been marked with potholes and obstacles, but still my heart felt loud and full with ever-present prayer and chatter to God.

Before this pregnancy, I’d had the joy of celebrating three other pregnancies, and sadly each followed with the heartache of miscarriage. When we found out we were expecting again, and this time with twins, there was joy but in truth also great trepidation. As the pregnancy progressed, no matter what I may be doing or saying outwardly, my heart and soul were running a continuous ticker of thoughts, pleas, and prayer over these babies. 

Until they weren’t.

Until it just all became silent.

Until the fears and the heartache from our own losses met the grief and terror rained down by the loss of our roommates’ little one, leaving that inner voice squashed, exhausted, and numb. 

RELATED: When You Don’t Know What to Pray, God Still Hears

During this time, as our network of family and friends became aware of our situation, a wonderful thing began to happen.

Our village started to show up and speak up. 

People I didn’t even realize were in my villageco-workers I barely knew previously, people from my hometown I’d lost contact with, voices across the world that were connected to us solely through a church prayer chain, a nurse at the hospital who for whatever reason scooped us up right under her wing, and of course dear family and friends. Emails, letters, cards, messages, small gestures or little gifts, and comforting visits.

No matter the form, the village voices began to fill in the space where my silence lay. 

I remember receiving a card with a tiny infant sock tucked inside it. My friend shared how she used to keep this little sock inside her purse and pocket during the time in her life when she was going through the trials of adoption. It was a tangible and visible reminder to hang on and keep going because the goal is worth it.

RELATED: It Takes a Village to Raise a Preemie; Thank You For Being Part of Ours

Another woman who was just an acquaintance at the time, now a friend, had been through a similar experience except with triplets. She took the time to write an understanding and knowing note. Along with it, she included a box of lip gloss. She remembered the feelings of losing herself, becoming simply a baby growing vessel that seemed to be defective. She knew moms needed to be seen and cared for, too. The lip gloss was a sweet symbol of that.   

And I distinctly remember one phrase that appeared in the notes repeatedly.  “Holding you up in prayer.” It may be simple, maybe you even think it cliché, but each time my eyes rolled over those words, it was healing to my own lost, prayerful voice. I’d gone numb with fear, and my soul quieted of its regular dialogue. But this village, they were praying the words I felt inept to string together.

I truly did feel held up and comforted that even if I was silent, other voices were filling in.

We came out of that trial. Our babies were born healthy and thriving. But I will never forget what my village of voices meant to me. I’ve learned how important it is to show up for others. When those around us are struggling, grieving, fearful, exhausted, overwhelmed, facing illness themselves or of a loved one, whatever their battle may be . . . be their village.

It doesn’t take much It doesn’t have to feel so deep or difficult or complicated that you talk yourself out of it.  The smallest of gestures, the shortest of notes, can make a lasting healing impact. If you don’t know them very well but know they are struggling, maybe you even personally connect to their battlereach out. Think you know them so well you don’t need to make a special effort, reach out. Speak up, show up, be a voice in their village. Your voice just may fill their silence. 

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Emily Roussell

Emily Roussell is author of the tender children's book for new babies and moms, ‘Rock You Tonight.’ It reads like a lullaby, while telling the story of a tired and distracted mom who slows to fully embrace the wonder of and love for her baby. This book was penned when her first children, twins, were just months old. Life was exhausting, upside down, and …blissful. Find it in hard copy or kindle edition on Amazon! Emily and her husband gratefully enjoy a happy circus of life with four children. You can find her at Facebook.com/youarelovedemilyroussell

8 Fight Songs for the Single Mom

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Woman holding earbuds in ears

They whispered to her: You cannot withstand the storm. I have had days when the storms hit me while I sat on the shower floor with my knees to my chest feeling completely defeated, letting the hot water beat down on my body. I have had nights when the storms hit me as tears stained my pillow. As time has moved on, I am learning how to beat the storms. This is only possible because of the family and friends that God has brought into my life. This is my fight song. These are and have been my take back...

Keep Reading

Your Brother Is With Jesus Now

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Brother and sister in yellow outfits smiling on park bench

“Thao is with Jesus now,” we told her, barely choking out the whisper. Jesus. This invisible being we sing about. Jesus. The baby in the manger? Jesus. How can we explain Jesus and death and loss and grief to a 3-year-old? And now, how can we not? We live it, breathe it, and dwell in loss since the death of her brother, our son, Thao. Here we are living a life we never wanted or dreamed of. Here we are navigating loss and death in a way our Creator never intended. What words can I use to describe death to...

Keep Reading

Even When You Can’t Find Joy, Jesus Is There

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Sad woman through pane of rain covered glass

The international church service was vibrant with voices lifted up in songs of praise. Many clapped their hands and some even danced before God. But I wanted to be invisible. Joy felt like a land depicted in a fairy tale. I had returned from the hospital the day before—a surgery to remove the baby who had died in my womb. Watching this church buzz with happiness unearthed my fragileness. I slouched in my chair and closed my eyes. Tears trickled down my freckled face. My mind knew God was in control, but my heart ached as yet another thing I...

Keep Reading

He Mends Our Broken Hearts

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Praying hands of woman with bracelets

Rays of soft sunlight streamed through the curtain onto the hospital bed. I stepped to the edge of the bed, taking a moment to soak in his face before gently holding his hand. Eighty-nine years is a rich, full life, and each passing day revealed more convincingly it was time for him to go. Grief and relief shared the space in my heart as I carried the weight of understanding each visit held the opportunity to be my last.  When he felt my hand, his eyes opened, and he gifted me a smile. Pop Pop always had a smile for...

Keep Reading

When I Feel Like a Failure, God Reminds Me of His Grace

In: Faith, Motherhood
Child hugs mother in sun flare

I’ve always been a teeth grinder, especially during times of high stress. Striving manifests itself physically through my teeth and jaw. I have even shifted several of my teeth from the grinding, moving my pearly whites to become crooked and a little unsightly. I should’ve known this morning that the night of grinding my teeth before was going to turn into a day of clenching my jaw. The spiritual warfare was intense, the temptations strong. I felt angry and burnt out.  After I finally laid my son down for a nap, I sat on the couch and told God, “I...

Keep Reading

My Father’s Faith

In: Faith, Grief
Man with grown daughter, color photo

I’ve been thinking a lot about legacy lately.  When my dad passed away in 2011, I lost the most influential person in my life. He was sacrificial in his love for me and others. His heart was devoted to the Lord, and it was evident to all who knew him. His death marked me in a significant way, and I still struggle with grief 11 years later. But his life marked me in an even greater way, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. As I reflect on legacy, I think about the impact that my dad’s faith had (and still...

Keep Reading

He’s the God of Small Things In Motherhood Too

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman holding infant, black-and-white photo

Normally, on a Sunday afternoon during the girls’ naptime, I try to get some work done or lie down to rest. But a few days ago, I instead wrapped a blanket around my waist to keep warm and pulled cutting boards and pots out of the cupboard.  Before I had kids, I wondered what kind of mom I would be. In fact, I was pretty sure I knew. My outgoing and vivacious personality attracted kids to my side for years. Their energy matched mine, and we giggled and chased each other before collapsing on the floor. I pictured myself holding...

Keep Reading

Silence the Lie that Says You’re Too Much

In: Faith, Living
Mother and daughter smiling outside wearing sunglasses

As a kindergartner sometimes I tagged along to my mom’s work as a hotel housekeeper. While my mom worked, I played in the recreation room. Her boss checked on me and always had something fun to play with or a story to share.  One day, in a burst of excitement, I shared something special that happened over the weekend with the supervisor. The words bounded from my mouth like a puppy ready to play in the morning.  The boss chuckled, “Whoa, motor mouth! Slow down!” In a split second, my 5-year-old heart crumbled, and the lie that would follow me...

Keep Reading

Let’s Stop the Negative Talk about Marriage

In: Faith, Marriage
Square, wooden arch with floral and fabric in field, color photo

Growing up, I remember hearing many negative phrases used about marriage—on TV, by distant relatives, anywhere, really.  “The old ball and chain.” “All my wife does is nag.” “You’re happy in your marriage? You must still be in the honeymoon phase.” These are just a few examples of the many things I have heard for years that create a negative connotation around marriage. I never really thought much of it until I fell in love and got engaged to the man of my dreams. Can you guess what happened next? “Just wait . . .” I heard entirely too many...

Keep Reading

Dear Momma, I Will Be Your Friend

In: Faith, Friendship, Motherhood
Woman sitting in hammock with baby, color photo

Dear momma, You got this. Every fiber of your being was uniquely designed to do what you say you can’t. Your uniqueness, talents, drive, warmth, and smiles are all part of God’s perfect plan. Being a mother is no easy task. It requires the Lord, patience, endurance, steadfastness, and a friend. Dear momma, I’ll be your friend. We don’t have to have the same beliefs or ways of doing things to share our burdens with each other. Know that my walk weighs heavily on God, His strength, His peace and His purpose. I will share my heart with you and...

Keep Reading