So God Made a Teacher Collection (Sale!) ➔

A few years ago my mom offered to host a baby shower for me. It was my second child, and it was another boy for me, so the list of needs was significantly lower than the first child . . . if I needed anything at all, and really I didn’t. She told me this wasn’t about gifts, it would just be a celebration. Still, I told her no. 
 
I was afraid. I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid the friends and family she invited would say no. They would not want to come because it was for me. I was afraid of making myself vulnerable. Because truly, I didn’t feel worthy. 
 
My friendships felt frail. Ever since having my first child, I saw my pre-kids friends fall back and finding a post-kids group was more difficult than I’d anticipated. 
 
My mom persisted. Eventually, I agreed as long as it was small. 
 
About two days before the party, the family I was counting on being there got a case of Hand Foot and Mouth and had to decline. 
 
My worst fears were coming to pass. Almost no one was coming to my party. 
 
That afternoon, eight months pregnant, I went into the bathroom and I curled up in a fetal position and I just bawled my eyes out. For hours, you guys. No one walked in and saw me and I praise God for that because I looked like a dying beached whale that afternoon. You would have thought my whole world was crumbling. But on that day, in that moment, it was. 

I have no friends. No one loves me. 

I was so upset. I was so mad at mom for putting me in this position. For letting my greatest fears come to fruition. For forcing rejection down my throat. 
 
I felt like everyone I loved had kicked me in the gut that day. Even now, as I write this, I remember this feeling of just complete rejection. Complete humiliation. 
 
I don’t deserve love. I’m not worthy. 

Friendships are hard.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel confident in my friendships with other women. It’s so easy for me to fall back on my immediate family and choose not to step out of my comfort zone, because truly, what more do I need than this beautiful wolf pack that surrounds me?
 
And the few times I do put myself out there, it rarely feels genuine. It never feels effortless. 
 
This story does not have a happy ending. I wish it did. But I still struggle with friendships and I wonder if I always will. I see my friends on social media gathering without me and it cuts deep. The child in me feels rejection over and over again. Because what’s even the point? Why put myself out there at all when it still feels like high school after all these years? 
 
Friendships are hard. Girlfriends are the hardest. And after 40 years of playing the friendship rejection game, I’m kinda over it. I’m done playing. I just want to go home. 
 
You may also like:
 

Celeste

About Celeste Yvonne: Celeste is a popular blogger and personality who writes about all things parenting. Celeste openly speaks about her struggles with alcohol, and two years ago she announced her commitment to becoming a sober mom for the sake of her health and her family. Her piece about a playdate that went sideways when another mom started serving mimosas has reached over 14 million people. Celeste lives in Reno, Nevada with her husband and two boys ages 3 and 5. Follow Celeste at http://www.facebook.com/theultimatemomchallengehttp://www.instagram.com/andwhatamom or http://www.andwhatamom.com

Even as an Adult, It’s Hard When Friends Move Away

In: Friendship
Woman looking out car window

I grew up in an anomaly of a small town where no one moved away. Seriously, I can count on one hand the number of friends who left during my childhood. Granted, most of us hightailed it out of that one-stoplight town as soon as we had our high school diplomas in our hands, but I’ll forever be grateful for the friendships I made there. It never occurred to me how much it would hurt down the road when, as an adult, my friends would move away. RELATED: The Heartache When Your Friend Tells You She’s Moving I remember reading...

Keep Reading

It’s Lonely Feeling Invisible

In: Friendship, Living
Woman standing in kitchen

I’ve never known what’s wrong with me. From such a young age, I’ve never had friends. I was never the girl who was invited to the birthday parties let alone the sleepover after the birthday party.  Now as an adult, I’m not the girl invited for drinks, moms’ nights out, play dates, or even to listen to a pyramid scheme.  RELATED: It’s Lonely Being the B-List Friend I’m not the coworker everyone loves. Or the classmate everyone envies because of her skill. I’m not making waves anywhere I go.  Not even with my own family. No aunt, uncle, cousin, or...

Keep Reading

I’m the New Mom at the Park

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Mother and baby on blanket at park, color photo

I’m the new mom at the park. I woke up this morning with a goal in mind: to visit the park with my daughter. I looked in the mirror and whispered, “I’ve got this” as my 3-month-old slept peacefully. This little house has been a great shelter for this new mom and her baby, but it’s time to venture out.  I’m the new mom at the park. With the stroller filled with way too many things for a 30-minute trip. With the perfectly picked out outfit, hoping to fit in. With the tired eyes and dark circles from waking up...

Keep Reading

If You’re Surrounded by Amazing Women, Tell Them

In: Friendship, Living
Friends in sun at beach

We had dinner at our neighbor’s house last night. While our kids played with theirs, their mom walked in the door from work, “Sorry I’m late! We ran two hours behind with patients all day.” She smiled and picked up her 9-month-old out of his walker, he had just started to fuss. She was still in her scrubs but was smiling in anticipation of picking her drooling, chunky boy up. She set him on her hip and walked over to her stove, stirring the pot on the burner while asking her older child how his day had been. I sat...

Keep Reading

Introverts Make the Best Friends

In: Friendship, Living
Two women having coffee at home

I was having a heart-to-heart with a precious friend last week, and she shared something so profound with me that it immediately brought tears to my eyes. I’ve since shared it with a few others, and they too were brought to tears by the sheer beauty of the analogy. I asked her if she would be OK with me sharing her words and she said yes . . . so here is my rendition and thoughts on a truly life-changing moment for me. This has been a hard season for me. I chose to step away from a path I...

Keep Reading

Dear Friend, I Don’t Want To Lose You

In: Friendship
Two women smiling, color photo

I’m sorry I don’t text you like I should. I’m sorry I don’t call you like I should. I’m sorry I don’t check in to see how you are. I’m sorry this friendship can feel one-sided at times. I’m sorry I’m so distant. The truth is I’m struggling. I’m struggling with life. I’m struggling with finances. I’m struggling with trying to please everyone and do everything. RELATED: Check on Your “Strong” Friend, She’s Faking it The problem is I try to please everyone—everyone who doesn’t matter. My problem is I’ve gotten so content with our friendship that I know you’ll...

Keep Reading

Not All Friendships Are Meant for Forever

In: Friendship
Sad woman looking at phone

There are friends for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. When we embark on a friendship, we have high hopes that those beginning seeds will blossom into forever. But the time and nurturing required of that kind of friendship is reserved for a few, special people who mesh into our souls and lives seamlessly year after year. There are reasons friendships are short-lived, and those are often obvious. Maybe it was to fulfill a need for you—whether physically or emotionally. These relationships are short, usually sweet, and the ending comes as swiftly as it began.  RELATED: Our Friendship Was...

Keep Reading

This House is Far From Perfect, But its Doors Are Always Open

In: Friendship, Living
Partially painted wall, color photo

This is my kitchen and dining area in all its unfinished glory. Just one project of many that I don’t have much time to work on but am working away at, little by little. I’m tempted to feel embarrassed about it and not want people to see it. However, I also want to regularly invite people into my home, and I believe hospitality is very important no matter what the state of your home is. I’ve decided I won’t let a messy house, dog hair, or unfinished projects keep me from having people over. Because it’s not about the house...

Keep Reading

I Want to Be a Friend Who Listens

In: Friendship, Living
A group of friends smiling at the camera, color photo

“So then, the kids were so out of sorts since they had stayed up late, that I just totally lost it and . . .” “Oh my gosh, I know! Mine were the same way Saturday night! Everybody was crying and . . .” And no one was able to finish their story. Sound familiar? As a person who likes to talk, a lot, I’m guilty of this conversation style. I get stuck in my own head, and I fail to listen. When a friend is telling a story, I immediately have the thought, “Yes! Me too! Same here!” and...

Keep Reading

Some Friendships Aren’t Meant to Last Forever

In: Friendship
Women walking together

Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold. As a young girl, I remember hearing this song and not truly understanding what it meant at the time. As an adult, I see the value in it. True friendships, especially for women, are priceless and worth more than any amount of silver or gold. We are bonded, like a family or community. The friendships we have as children and the friendships we gain as we get older are not the same. Some of the best relationships in my life are with my childhood friends....

Keep Reading

Get our FREE phone wallpaper to encourage you as the new school year begins

It's bittersweet for a mother to watch her child grow—but you both are ready to soar.