Every girl needs that one friend. You know the one. The one you can call at 7 a.m. crying and tell her you can’t do it for another second. That you wish you hadn’t had children. That you hate your husband. That you’re going to quit your job. That everything in your life is a total mess.

And instead of responding in shock and horror, instead of saying something like, “You should be grateful for what you do have,” or worrying that you may actually hate your family, she just listens. Completely judgment-free. And she gets it because she knew you way back when and now your life is completely changed. You have a world of responsibilities you didn’t always have, maybe you have lots of little people or a colicky newborn, a career to balance, not a minute of free time, and maybe even anxiety or postpartum depression

She knows your kidsshe held your baby at the hospitaland she loves them like family.

She knows they’re the best things that ever happened to you and you don’t mean a word of what you’ve said. That you’re just overwhelmed, maybe sleep deprived, that you’re in a hard season.

RELATED: Dear Friend, Invite Me Into Your Mess

So instead of passing judgment or trying to solve everything, she simply reminds you that this too shall pass. Or maybe she shows up at your house and sends you to your room to sleep. Or she takes the kids to her house for the afternoon. Or perhaps she just brings you a bottle of wine and listens while you vent. And it’s your favorite because she knows everything about you.

She knows deep down you don’t mean a word of what you said. She knows how much you longed for a family. She stood up at your wedding, and she knows what an amazing man you married. So she quietly defends him in the kindest way possible at the exact right moment, and it takes a little bit of the sting away as you realize she is right.

She’s the friend who never judges.

She’s always there.

If she can’t answer the phone, she sends a text right away. And when you’re not yourself, she helps you get back to who you are.

RELATED: Life is Too Short for Fake Cheese and Fake Friends

She’s seen the highs. She’s seen the lows. She loves you the same through all of them.

These friends are few and far between. Most likely they’ve been around for years, and they have watched you over the years dealing with stress and heartbreak. They don’t have to say a word, they open their arms, and later you don’t have to explain that you didn’t mean any of it because they already know that.

RELATED: A Good Friend Doesn’t Make You Question Where You Stand With Her

She’s the sister you never had. She’s more like family then some of your real family.

She’s not ruffled by your emotions and the way you express yourself. She embraces it when she embraces you. In some ways, she knows you better than you know yourself.

For her, I give thanks today. For the friend who has always been there and always will be.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Caroline Murray

Caroline is a freelance writer, mama to two young children and one sweet baby.  She loves everything country and tries not to take anything too seriously.  You can see more of her at www.the-othermom.com.

Here’s to the Friends Who Don’t Hide Their Messy Parts

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Two women sit in a field with arms around each other

To the friend who invited me over without picking her house up beforehand . . . thank you.  You had no way of knowing, but I’ve been especially weighed down by the feeling of “I can’t keep up” lately—and when I walked into your beautiful home and saw dishes in the sink and laundry scattered here and there, I let out the deepest exhale I didn’t even realize I was holding in.  Because seeing your mess? Your less-than-perfect? It didn’t make me think any differently of you, but it did allow me to give myself the grace I desperately needed....

Keep Reading

I Didn’t Know How Much I Needed Other Mothers

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Two mom friends smiling at each other

I read somewhere the other day that when a child is born, a parent is too. In my first few months being a mother, I’m learning just how odd that sentiment is. In an instant, I became someone new. Not only that, but I became part of a group I didn’t realize existed. That sounds wrong. Of course, mothers existed. But this community of mothers? I had no idea. It took us a long time to get where we are today. Throughout our journey with infertility, I knew in my heart I was meant to be a mother. I knew that...

Keep Reading

Please Don’t Tell a Couple Trying to Conceive to Just Relax

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Black-and-white photo of medical supplies

This is a plea. A plea to those who know someone who is struggling with infertility. So, if you’re reading this, this is directed right to you. Please, for the love of everything, when someone tells you they are struggling to conceive, do not tell them to “just relax.” I know it’s the cliche, default term most blurt out because they don’t know what else to say. It’s awkward to discuss for some. I’m 10000% positive it is coming from a good place and is meant to be calming and reassuring, and you really do believe it’s true because a...

Keep Reading

That Mom at the Playground Could Become Your Best Friend

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Young mother sitting on bench looking at playground

I didn’t realize I was that mom at the playground. That mom who always smiles at the other moms even if she doesn’t know them. That mom who often makes small talk while she pushes her toddler on the swings. That mom who strikes up a conversation while sitting on the bench watching her older kid play. That mom who can often tell whether you are interested in talking to her or not. And if you don’t seem interested, that’s okay. Because maybe you’re preoccupied with other things going on in your life right now. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with the...

Keep Reading

Mean Girls Aren’t Like the Ones You See In Movies

In: Friendship
Woman whispering in another woman's ear

Mean girls aren’t like Regina George. If they were, it would be easy to know to stay away from them. Not all mean girls are wealthy, image-conscious, stick-thin blondes. They also don’t always have the reputation of being “mean girls.” The problem is that mean girls are way worse than Regina George because they don’t look like mean girls. Mean girls can be your “friends.” Mean girls know how to gain and betray your trust. They are the girls who, on a rough day, ask you what’s going on not because they care about you, but so they can have...

Keep Reading

To the Mom in the Trenches, I’ll Come Back for You

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Mother sitting on bed holding one twin while the other crawls nearby, black-and-white photo

Your hair is in a messy bun for the sixth day in a row. You’re trudging to work sniffling because with all the germs your kids bring home from daycare, you just can’t seem to recover. You haven’t had a date night in four months, or has it been five? You stare blankly across the table at your spouse, his lips are moving but your brain can’t quite compute what he’s saying because the baby was up at least 10 times last night. You are just so tired. On top of this, we add in holidays. A time of year...

Keep Reading

6 Ways to Be a Friend to Someone Grieving

In: Friendship, Grief, Loss
Friends hugging

Grief can truly be such a lonely experience after you lose a loved one. The loneliness isn’t necessarily because you don’t have anyone around you. It’s because only you had your relationship with the person who died, and it’s hard to find anyone to replace that. I have first-hand experience. My mom died recently and unexpectedly at the age of 62 and I at the age of 34, and it single-handedly has been one of the most painful experiences of my life. However, having support from family and friends will help you navigate this difficult time. Without it, the loneliness...

Keep Reading

I’m the Hostess without the Mostest, but Who Cares?

In: Friendship, Living
Kitchen island with bowls of snacks, color photo

I wasn’t born a hostess. The idea of inviting people over to my home, whether planned in advance or on a whim, isn’t a natural inclination of mine. In fact, knowing people are coming over usually fills me with a sense of dread and wet underarms. The predictable swarm of anxious questions would buzz into my ear while I frenzy cleaned: Oh my gosh, what if the house has a weird smell I’m not aware of? How the heck do you style a charcuterie board? Why did I think it’d be easy? What if the house looks too messy? Or,...

Keep Reading

Why Does It Feel Like Everyone Else Is Doing It All and I Can’t Keep Up?

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Laundry basket with clothes on couch

I’m doing laundry today and as I sort and fold, I can’t stop my thoughts from going to an anonymous post I saw on a community moms page earlier this week. It went something like . . . “How are you ladies doing it? Really? I can’t keep up on the laundry, let alone everything else in the house. I’m working, but money is still tight and I’m a mess constantly pulled between home and work needs. My husband and I are struggling in our marriage. I am often counted on as a caregiver/helper to my parents, which I’m happy...

Keep Reading

Friendship In the Carrot Tree

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Little girl standing next to garden beds, color photo

“VV really wants to garden,” I mentioned to my neighbor Laura one day in passing, “but we just haven’t found the time to get the soil and get it going.” And it’s too expensive; my husband’s been unemployed all summer—I don’t mention that part. “Too bad our garden boxes are just sitting there full of weeds,” she lamented. Once, she and her husband were avid gardeners, but when his health declined, they gave it up. I perked up, “What if we take over your boxes?” Laura kindly agreed. At 7 p.m., when it’s cooled to a hundred degrees outside, my...

Keep Reading