This one is for my girls. The ones who love me through my ugly. The ones who show up at my doorstep ready to fight a bear on my behalf. The ones I can be myself around.
This one is for you.
My ride-or-die girls, you are the ones who keep me grounded. When everything around me feels like it is crashing in, you throw me a lifeline. I can be honest with you about the hard stuff, like fights with my husband and financial struggles. You don’t judge, you don’t try to fix, you just show up at my door with my favorite coffee and an open ear.
You girls saved me.
Motherhood did a lot of strange things to me and loneliness was pretty high on the list.
After baby number one my friend list slowly dwindled down. I didn’t know how to cultivate adult relationships, and all of my energy went to keeping tiny people alive. With each passing month, I felt my mental health slipping, but instead of getting help I just pushed through and hoped it would all go away.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I just needed a friend.
I told myself I would be fine, that I didn’t need anyone. I closed up my heart and refused to let anyone else in. I stayed home far more often than I should have, and I relied heavily on my husband to bear the lonely pieces of my heart.
Then he deployed.
I was thrown into this ugly sea of isolation and felt whispers in my ear that I was just not worthy of friendship.
I scrolled through social media feeds and watched as my friends talked about their tribe. I longed for a friend, but I just told myself I was an introvert. I made myself believe this was just the way I would live for the rest of my life.
Until I couldn’t anymore.
My breaking point was ugly. Tears streamed down my face as I looked around at the scene before me. The contents of our dog’s food and water bowl painted my kitchen floor. In the midst of all the chaos, there she was, my beautiful 2-year-old. Tears poured from her eyes as she looked up at me with confusion. My outburst resulted in kicking the bowls across the room and then suddenly regretting my actions. I quickly scooped her up in my arms, and we embraced each other with broken forgiveness.
It was in this moment, I realized I needed help.
After much counseling and several acquaintanceships later, God did it. He gave me my tribe.
I found these reliable people who cared about me, my family, and my well-being. These strong women came in my life with this warrior spirit and took on my baggage. They built up my self-esteem and carried some of my weight. They cried with me and folded my laundry and built me up in ways I could never explain.
This one is for my girls.
Girls, you are my favorite human beings. I could never put into words the love I have for you, but I’d like to try. You are the rainbow at the end of my storm. You are the creamer to my coffee and the dry shampoo to my crazy days. Thank you for being my people and showing me that adult relationships do exist.
I love you girls.
You are my people.