It was a long time ago. We were different people, truly.
I did something. You did something. Then you quit me. You left. You ran.
Do you know how betrayed I felt?
Who quits a friendship—a longstanding friendship we used to cherish—without so much as a goodbye?
I was angry. I was furious really. It felt cowardly. You just stopped responding to calls. You stopped writing back.
And I wasn’t dumb. I knew you were mad but I also thought you honored me and my feelings. I thought you would give me the benefit of the doubt.
Well, that was then. Now, I don’t think much about it all. Expect to think . . . what a shame.
We could have held each other during the early days of new motherhood, you and I. We could have uplifted each other during the darker days of early marriage, health issues, mourning a loss.
I found new friends. I know you must have, too.
I also know friendship breakups are much more common than I ever knew. A lot of friends quit each other.
It’s different than breaking up with a partner. Oftentimes, a breakup between lovers requires a definitive goodbye, a slammed door, an “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation.
But there are no rules for friendship breakups. Ghosting someone is an easy out. No awkward talk, no hurt feelings. Someone just disappears.
Only there are hurt feelings. Getting ghosted by a friend is more hurtful in some ways because we get left hanging for months. Playing over our talks and actions, wondering why, and feeling so, so sliced apart by someone with whom we’ve shared our deepest, darkest secrets.
It’s been 10 years? More? But I still think about you. I still wonder why you quit me. And I wonder if you got what you were looking for at the cost of our friendship.
I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. I still love you—the girl I knew so long ago who used to be my partner in crime, my dancing queen, my cheer squad.
I just wonder at what could have been. I still make a mean grilled cheese sandwich at 2 a.m. I’m still a good listener. I still give a great hug.
I heard from a mutual friend you’ve been struggling lately. I heard you’re having some troubles at home. And I know you don’t want me in your life, and I will respect that. But I’m invested enough in it already to pray for you. To pray for your family.
You quit me.
But I will never quit you.
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