We live in a world where as children we are taught we must ask permission to do so many things. Can I play? Can I have another cookie? Can I go to the bathroom! When we grow up this remains ingrained in us unless we actively do something about it.

Have you found yourself perhaps making a cup of coffee or tea and wondering if you can have another cookie?

Perhaps wondering if it’s OK if you don’t wash the dishes but sit and read a few more chapters of a book you are enjoying.

Maybe wondering if it’s OK to say you don’t want to go out but would prefer to stay in, have a bath and get an early night.

Often that external voice of authority is still operating and we obey it because if we don’t we have to live with the guilt of rebelling against it.

For women, in particular I think it’s important that we give ourselves permission to do the things we want to rather than are conditioned to.

So the first permission to give yourself is to be an adult who can make their own choices and decisions in every area of your life. The little child in you may feel both excited and scared by this prospect. Really? Can I really do whatever I want? The answer is Yes. Now of course every choice has consequences. You may be afraid that if you let yourself do whatever you want you might just take all the savings out of the bank and run away to a desert island!

The funny thing is, if you actually give yourself permission to do this when you really feel into it you realize maybe it’s not what you want. But at least it’s not off the menu because nothing is off the menu. It’s your menu. When you have lived so long with only a few things on your menu that you feel allowed to do it’s good to start entertaining all these wild ideas that you haven’t entertained before. Then you will find a balance point in the middle.

Here is a letter to yourself that I suggest you read out loud and see how you feel afterwards:

I___________give myself permission to reach for my dreams.

I give myself permission to let go all that is holding me back.

I give myself permission to drop any criticism or judgement I have of myself.

I give myself permission to look deeply into my own heart and soul to find out who I am and what I want.

I give myself permission to say no to the world and yes to my heart.

I give myself permission to be the woman I’ve always wanted to be.


When women finally give themselves permission to shine a great light will be turned on in the world. It starts with each one of us turning our own light on. Start today. Have another cookie!

Clare Gately

Clare is an Interfaith Minister living in Edinburgh Scotland. She is passionate about how we, as human beings can reach our potential on all levels. She is particularly interested in encouraging women to reach their potential and published her first book on that theme last year. Originally from Ireland Clare loves nature and enjoys exploring the Highlands and Lowlands of Scotland.