I was sitting on the floor of my daughter’s nursery. She was still admitted in the NICU, but my mom was determined to find a solution for her ever-growing bow collection. She’d found herself prioritizing projects and tasks in anticipation of discharge and today was no different. The hospital called and reviewed her results. They’d found the reason for her inability to wean from oxygen. I hung up and wept.
“I don’t think I can take much more.”
My mom, also a Jesus lover, shared an age-old adage that certainly Jesus had not given me more than I could handle and certainly this was a demonstration of the strength I had.
Except my sweet mother is actually wrong. He did give me more than I could handle. Much, much more.
Through hard sobs and therapy sessions and sleepless nights. Through a high-risk pregnancy and NICU admission. Through the loss of my mother-in-law and goodbyes never given. In fact, there were days it felt like I was on the shore of head-high crashing waves. My husband once told me he wasn’t sure he’d smile again, and I knew the exact feeling. Not only had God given us more than we could handle. He was waterboarding us with grief and loss.
Sister, He DID give you more than you can handle and He is present as you pound the steering wheel through deep sobs. He stands over and beside your baby as you leave them day after day to be cared for by a staff of medical professionals. He walks beside you as you trudge through the cemetery. He sits beside you as the doctor reviews the test results.
If you could handle it, you wouldn’t seek Him in the quiet hours of the night. You wouldn’t rely on the prayers of your community and loved ones.
And He’s waiting. Waiting for you to know that you don’t have to handle it all. Waiting to hold your weight as you collapse under pressure. Waiting to wipe your tears and soothe your soul.
He gave you more than you can handle so you can give it back to Him.
Originally published on the author’s Facebook page