Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

There’s a birthday in the house.

I know tomorrow won’t really make you a whole year older. You’ve been hard at work checking off days and weeks and months since your last birthday paid us a visit.

But tomorrow, your new year, your new number, your little bit closer to grown officially announces itself. A homemade paper crown will adorn your head, streamers will drape across the room, and candles will flicker atop your cake as we sing. And I won’t be able to look away from the swiftness of time as another year blows by.

RELATED: Children Are Supposed To Grow Up, But it’s Hard On a Mama’s Heart

You see, for a mama, somehow the air gets a bit thicker when you mark another year for your baby. A feeling rushes in that’s a strange mix of joy and sadness. It clings to us like the humidity of an August night.

It’s one of those hidden pieces of motherhood that can’t fully be known until you take a deep breath of the breeze that carries in your child’s birthday.

There’s so much happiness and gratitude for the gift of you. There’s awe as I take in all the ways you’ve grown. There’s excitement as I think of all that lies ahead. But the truth is, there’s also a touch of heartache as I say goodbye to the you of yesterday before the birthday breeze brings in tomorrow.

I’ve soaked in every piece of you this last year, every year. I know the exact pitch and sound of your sweet voice. I know just how the size and shape of your body feels snuggled into mine. I know what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. I know every, “Watch me Mom!” moment. I know the squinty smile that spreads across your face for your dad. I know what comforts you from a midnight waking.

Yes, I’ve loved this version of you well.

So forgive me, my love, if a tear finds me as I tuck you in tonight. I’ll rub your back and let my eyes try to memorize you, in this last night of another year that has moved faster than your mother’s heart.

At the door, I’ll pause, knowing as soon as it closes that birthday breeze will begin to blow in. I imagine it bringing a mist that will cover your room as you sleep. And as the sun rises to the new day, the dew that clung to yesterday will begin to vanish, taking along with it a bit more of your little every time.

RELATED: Mamas, Please Quit Mourning Your Children Growing Up

As your mama, I love each version of you so fully that sometimes I can’t help but really feel all the invisible goodbyes as you go about your growing.

But that’s also just the thing . . . I love ALL the versions of you SO fully.

And tomorrow when the morning comes and with it the trumpeting of your next number and your new year, I’ll scoop you right up and breathe in your new little bit bigger self.

Because while moms know the air can feel thick on these birthday eves, they also know it’s simply heavy with love.

There’s a birthday in the house.

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Emily Roussell

Emily Roussell is author of the tender children's book for new babies and moms, ‘Rock You Tonight.’ It reads like a lullaby, while telling the story of a tired and distracted mom who slows to fully embrace the wonder of and love for her baby. This book was penned when her first children, twins, were just months old. Life was exhausting, upside down, and …blissful. Find it in hard copy or kindle edition on Amazon! Emily and her husband gratefully enjoy a happy circus of life with four children. You can find her at

Dear Young Moms, This Time Goes Faster Than You Could Ever Imagine

In: Kids, Motherhood
Selfie of a woman in Target

Walking thru Target early this morning—something I never do—I was overcome with emotion. Almost all of the customers in the store were young moms. Many had two or more kids trying to jump out of the basket, bargaining to open candy, petitioning (some with tears) to revisit the toy aisle for more. Some tots were just rattling off rapid-fire questions while Mom stared off into space and nodded . . . we all know the scene. The moms were smiling some. Most looked frazzled and panicked that something was about to blow—maybe literally—or the bandwidth for shopping with toddlers was...

Keep Reading

A Mama Always Thinks She Has More Time

In: Motherhood
Baby looking back at camera

A mama always thinks she has more time. As she brings that first baby home from the hospital, the words of mamas who came before her ring in her ears. It goes so fast. But a mama thinks she has more time. As she rocks that baby in the midnight hours, she wonders how those first few weeks and months went by so quickly. She remembers those words from the mamas before her. It goes so fast. She gets her first glimpse into just how true those words are. But a mama always thinks she has more time. The mama...

Keep Reading

I Hope I Loved You Enough Today

In: Kids, Motherhood
child sleeping

As you lie sleeping in your bed, the weight of today lifts from my shoulders. The struggles of the day are quickly forgotten and I find myself looking at you in wonder. Memorizing your face and the dimples in your fingers. I want to rewind the day and tell you how good you did. How proud I am of you. I hope that I loved you enough today. As I drive you to school, I catch a glimpse of your sweet face staring back at me in the rear view. I replay the morning and find myself wondering. Did I...

Keep Reading