The smallest thing I believe people who still have their moms take for granted is the ability to ask them anything, anytime. I mean the important questions, the little things, and even the stupid ones.

There wasn’t a second when my mom was alive that I thought twice about asking her the things I needed answers to. It is something that seems so small when you have it, but so big and scary when you no longer have the option anymore.

I never realized how many things I would still need a mom to ask about until the option wasn’t there anymore.

There are so many things I don’t feel comfortable asking any other woman in my life for the sole reason that she just isn’t my mom.. 

Therefore, I ask Google instead.

I constantly find myself looking things up online that, years ago, I would just be able to call or text my mom about to get a quick answer. 

The worst part? Every time I find myself doing this, the grief of missing my mom hits me hard all over again. 

I find myself angry. I am angry that I am here asking a search engine a question that almost everyone else in my life gets to just talk to their moms about. 

And I mean the little things.

What color shoes can I wear with navy pants?

What do I wear for an interview?

Do my shoes look good with this outfit?

Am I handling something right in my relationship?

Am I overreacting?

Questions I may kind of already know the answer to, but I would love to be able to hear the answer from my mom about.

There are so many things as time goes on that I am going to need my mom for.

There are going to be more questions that need answers and more situations that would be more comfortable with the guidance of my mother.

This is going to be a void and an absence I will deal with for the rest of my life

This post originally appeared on the author’s blog

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Christie Lynn

I’m a 26 year old social worker and blogger using my words and experiences to help others though hardship, grief and mother loss.