“You’ll write about this pain one day from the other side.”

These words were spoken to me by a dear friend during one of the lowest moments of my life. She said this within hours of us learning we had lost our home and everything we owned in a fire.

I’ve been through enough in my life to know she was right. We get through things and move forward. We find ways to survive the pain.

But in that moment of pain, in those intense feelings of hopelessness, we can’t see the other side.

We can’t imagine there ever being a time we aren’t feeling grief and sadness.

We can’t imagine going a moment without the pain overcoming us. We can’t imagine ever allowing ourselves to process through the grief and move forward. We need to feel the pain and emotions that go along with our loss. We need to allow ourselves to process through grief.

While our family quite literally went through a fire, so many others experience figurative fires. We all face struggles, heartbreak, and brokenness in our lives. For us, it was the destruction and loss that turned everything we had to ashes. For others, it is loss and heartbreak from miscarriage, death, divorce, and so many other things that cause brokenness in this world. The fire of pain burns through and leaves us feeling like nothing more than ashes.

Yet, one day, we will look back at our grief and pain from the other side.

We will process through our brokenness in our own timeframe and in our own way. We will realize that beauty comes from ashes and rebuilding creates something stronger and more resilient than before. And although the pain may never fade completely, there will come a time when the ache isn’t as strong. There will come a time when the tears don’t come as easily. There will come a time when we are on the other side of the pain.

There will come a time when the wound that hurt us so deeply will be nothing more than a scar. A scar that signifies the pain we felt, the process we battled through, and the ultimate strength we showed. A scar that now shows how truly resilient we are. A scar that will probably never fade away, but will always remind us of how powerful we are.

Moving forward from whatever caused the pain and sadness does nothing to discount it. And we never have to let it go or “get over it”.

We can hold onto memories and aches while still moving forward.

That time may take years to come, but one day, the pain of grief won’t completely overrule our lives. And when that time comes, we can look back and see how strong we were. We can see how we built resilience and how we overcame the brokenness. We can see we are unbreakable. We can know we are fighters.

One day, when the fire passes, beauty will come from the ashes. We will be scarred and stronger. And we will look back at it from the other side.

You may also like:

You Cannot Control Seasons of Grief; You Can Only Move Through Them

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We Won’t Conquer Grief, But We Will Learn to Live With it

Emily Scott

Emily Scott, PhD, is a stay at home mom of three, and part time parenting consultant and blogger who has written and spoken on various parenting topics including child development, ACEs, and tips on raising responsible kids.