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I’ve Grown Out of a Lot of Things This Year—Including Fitting In

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By Kendra Barnes

Woman getting into car — Image via Kendra Barnes

My whole life, I’ve put myself in boxes.

Some were a bit big. Some were totally the wrong shape. Some I had to squeeze myself into, sacrificing parts of myself to fit. And some I just had no business being in whatsoever.

A little more like this. A little less of that.

Can we chat about boxes for a second? Because 2020 has broken me, but I think it’s a good thing; because it shattered all the boxes along with it.

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OK, maybe the boxes are still there. But the thing is, I’m done fitting inside them.

This year has stripped us bare. And while it was confusing, and frustrating, and sometimes it still hurts like the first day, I’m starting to think it’s exactly what I needed.

One of the things hardship does is it refines us. All of that stuff we’ve spent decades caring about suddenly lost its importance. And I think for a while it left me grasping for straws, trying to make sense of what I had left and what I had built that actually mattered.

That’s a scary feeling; Looking at your life and wondering if you’ve wasted the majority of your effort on things that have no value.

Worrying that you might have spent a significant amount of time trying to fit yourself into imaginary boxes.

2020 leveled the playing field. Nowhere to go, no one to impress.

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And maybe it’s sad, but I think it took a hard stop like quarantine to make me realize that life is not about fitting into boxes, or measuring up, or impressing people, or keeping up with photos on social media.

That my value doesn’t come from being the “right kind of mom,” or from being “on trend,“ or from saying the things and making the choices that are the least offensive and the most socially acceptable.

My value is inherent in my creation. And so is yours.

Hear me when I say, there is no box, no club, no circle you could ever fit in that could make you more valuable than you are today. Period.

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And just so we’re clear, fitting yourself into a box or an ideal;

Molding yourself to the kind of woman you think you’re supposed to be;

Aligning your views with what the news tells you is acceptable;

Altering yourself or your appearance or your convictions to fit the mold will NEVER bring you peace.

When you fit yourself into something preconceived, you will always lose a part of your truth.

It’s not worth it. The chasing. The comparing. It’s exhausting and it will never fulfill you.

2020 has brought a lot of loss. And while some things I mourned over, one thing I was more than happy to toss on top of this dumpster fire of a year: my desire to fit in.

Originally published on Facebook

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Kendra Barnes

Kendra is co-founder of Daylight to Dark, a lifestyle blog. She's a fun-loving wife and momma to a spirited, blue-eyed girl and a particularly jolly baby boy. She's an expert at holding down the fort, abandoning her coffee, and interjecting just the right amount of snark into any conversation. Through her love of writing, she aspires to share how she turns regular days into memories.

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Living

I’ve Grown Out of a Lot of Things This Year—Including Fitting In

RELATED: I’ve Never Been Tired Like This Before

This year has stripped us bare. And while it was confusing, and frustrating, and sometimes it still hurts like the first day, I’m starting to think it’s exactly what I needed.

RELATED: If God is Truly Good, He is Still Good When Life is Not

Hear me when I say, there is no box, no club, no circle you could ever fit in that could make you more valuable than you are today. Period.

RELATED: I No Longer Sit At Tables Where I Might Be the Topic When I Get Up

It’s not worth it. The chasing. The comparing. It’s exhausting and it will never fulfill you.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Kendra Barnes

Motherhood Is a Thousand Goodbyes

Other Moms Seem to Make Summer Look Magical

These Moms on the Sidelines Became My People

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

I’ve Grown Out of a Lot of Things This Year—Including Fitting In

This year has stripped us bare. And while it was confusing, and frustrating, and sometimes it still hurts like the first day, I’m starting to think it’s exactly what I needed.

Hear me when I say, there is no box, no club, no circle you could ever fit in that could make you more valuable than you are today. Period.

It’s not worth it. The chasing. The comparing. It’s exhausting and it will never fulfill you.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Motherhood Is a Thousand Goodbyes

Other Moms Seem to Make Summer Look Magical

These Moms on the Sidelines Became My People

I Wanted Experts to Fix My Child with ADHD. Instead, They Changed Me.

Parenting a Child with a Disability Is Holy Ground

I Came Home With a Baby—and Lost Myself

He Doesn’t Always Need Me Anymore and I’m Not Sure How To Feel About It

We Keep Calling Her Confident, But She Doesn’t Trust Herself

I Knew Something Was Wrong, But No One Listened—And It Almost Cost Me My Daughter

I Finally Admitted I Didn’t Want To Be a SAHM Anymore

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