Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

Last week, I entered my doctor’s office for my annual check up. In previous years, I loathed this day more than any other. Not because I was scared, anxious, or squeamish, but rather, I hated getting on that scale and watching the numbers increase as my years increased. Like almost every woman I know, I have body image issues. Major ones. I would skip meals, eat the bare minimum, and watch my weight like tornado chasers watch the weather reports. I was never overweight. Never. I weighed 97 pounds when I met my now husband. I barely broke 120 pounds when I got married. I do not own a scale in my house because I know myself too well. I know my obsessive nature will take over rational thinking and parallel me into a dark space of compulsive dieting and binging. I’ve been down this road before, too many times.

This year, however, I walked into the doctor’s office with a different anxiety. Last year, I was hospitalized and basically told if I don’t take better care of myself, I would have a heart attack. Better care of myself meant dealing with the hurt, grief, and pain I’d been shoving down for too long. In true poetic irony, I was hospitalized on the one-year anniversary of my brother’s death to suicide. My body had enough. The body, I’ve learned, always, always wins. That experience shook me to my core, turned everything upside down, and made me reevaluate every aspect of my life. So, this year, I did not really care what the scale said. It was a small blip on the radar of my concerns. Rather, I focused on my health.

And, here is where irony steps in. I stepped on the scale and it was the highest it has ever been, ever, in my life. The numbers read 154. For the first time in my life, I did not care. I let it go. I sighed, took a deep breath, and knew that those numbers meant very little because I was happy. I was happy with my body. With the help I sought to deal with very hard things, the way I’ve leaned into the pain and sorrow of losing my brother, and the progress of my health, my whole health, I was able to see that those numbers meant very little. What mattered was that for the first time in my life, I did not care. I loved myself, all of myself, the entire 154 pounds of myself. To imagine myself in this place years ago, seems like a dream. It has taken–and still takes–a tremendous amount of work to love myself. But, it was only through completely losing myself that I realized the numbers on a scale have nothing to do with my self worth. I am healthy. I am here.

We are in the season of resolutions and at a party recently, I had an intense conversation with a woman I respect and love deeply. We both have young children and are very conscious of the way we speak about our weight in front of them. But, the thing that struck me was the fact that we don’t reserve such tenderness and caution with ourselves. We beat ourselves up for eating a chocolate chip cookie, not looking like models, or not being a certain weight. We are our worst enemies. Yes, we know now that media shoves these altered images of perfection down our throats. We know that. But why, then, do we still give them the power to infiltrate our lives and hearts? It has to stop with us. We have to toss aside the self-hate and seek out self-love. We have to take the same caution with ourselves as we do our children. We have to know that our 37-year old bodies will never, ever be our 22 year old bodies. I have miles of stretch marks on me, life lives in the pockets of cellulite on my behind, joy hides in back fat because I eat cookies with my children. Every time you say something bad about your body, say something good. The good will, eventually, outweigh the bad. I promise.

Again, this is not easy. It is a daily struggle for me. It takes practice and dedication and there are certain times I slip right back into the self-hate. Take care of you. If that means walking your dog, meditating, going to the gym, then do it. Love you. I’m telling you, it is transformative. Never did I imagine being my heaviest would mean being healthy and happy. But, here I am. Let 2017 be the year you fall in love with your body. Let it be the year you no longer listen to society’s message of false perfection. Let it be the year you quiet the murmurs of self-hate. Let yourself fall in love with you, all of you.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Meg Grant

Meagan Grant is a writer, teacher, mother to three and drinker of champagne. She first fell in love with words at the age of four armed with a flashlight, a blanket, and Beverly Cleary's Ramona and Her Father. Meagan's work has been published in The Ma Books, Chrysalis Journal, Real Simple, and Clean. Her vices in life are thrift store shopping, dark chocolate, books, and champagne.

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

The One Thing Young Kids Need to Know About Sex

In: Health, Kids, Motherhood
The One Thing Young Kids Need to Know About Sex www.herviewfromhome.com

I currently have four kids in elementary school from kindergarten to fifth grade. My kids have not experienced any sexual abuse (to my knowledge); we have been very careful about any potential porn exposure; we closely monitor their involvement with pop culture through music, movies, books, and even commercials. While we might seem to err on the side of overly sheltering them, what we have also done is be very open with our kids about sex. We have told them the truth when they’ve asked questions. And have they asked some questions! Here’s a sampling of what I’ve been asked...

Keep Reading

I Don’t Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does

In: Health, Mental Health, Relationships
I Don't Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does www.herviewfromhome.com

I don’t have anxiety but my husband does.  We should have realized this years ago but we missed it. The realization came suddenly and as soon as it popped in my mind, it came out of my mouth. “You have anxiety.” I said. He looked at me trying to determine if I was joking or serious. “I am serious, you have anxiety.” His eyes left mine and found his phone. He picked it up and said, “Hey Siri, give me the definition of anxiety.” As the virtual assistant read off the definition she may as well have been reading my man’s personality...

Keep Reading

This is What Life is Like For a Mom Who Wears Hearing Aids

In: Health, Journal, Motherhood
This is What Life is Like For a Mom Who Wears Hearing Aids www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ll never forget the time I was standing on a dock in the middle of a lake, casually draining my long hair of water, soaking in the summer heat surrounding me. Little did I know, my right breast had escaped the clutches of my bikini top; it must have popped out when I dove into the cool lake. But because I wasn’t wearing my hearing aids—I can’t wear those babies in the water—I couldn’t hear those back on land who were calling at me to shove it back in. So, there I stood, clueless of the fact that I was...

Keep Reading

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How Can You Love an Abusive Man? I Did—Until I Decided to Choose Myself.

In: Health, Journal, Relationships
How Can You Love an Abusive Man? I Did—Until I Decided to Choose Myself.

He walked over to the table I was sitting at with some friends and casually, yet confidently, pulled up a chair. His voice was deep and he had a luring accent that immediately caught my attention. His distinctly cut jawline along his perfectly trimmed beard made him seem older, I thought, than the age I’d soon learn he was. Our paths had crossed before like two ships in the night, forbidding us from ever quite meeting as we did that day . . . eye to eye, energy to energy He chatted with me and our mutual friends for a...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Sure How Long I’ll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal…and That’s OK

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Grief, Mental Health
I'm Not Sure How Long I'll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal...and That's OK www.herviewfromhome.com

I tried to wean off of Zoloft and couldn’t. And that’s OK. I had never really been aware of the world of antidepressants. My life has been relatively uneventful—with the normal ups and downs that most of us go through. I knew people on medication for depression but never understood. How can you be THAT sad that you can’t just be positive and make the best of your circumstances? How can someone be THAT unhappy ALL the time to need medication? I didn’t get it. I felt bad for people going through it. Then my 2-year-old was diagnosed with Stage...

Keep Reading

To the Mom With the Anxious Soul

In: Journal, Mental Health, Motherhood
To the Mom With the Anxious Soul www.herviewfromhome.com

I see you, mama. You’re the one sitting alone at the family party. You’re the one hovering a little too close to your sweet babies at the park. You’re the one standing in the bathroom at work for just a moment of quiet. Your thoughts are swirling constantly, faster and more fearful that a “regular” mama. You find yourself spaced out at times, and hyper aware at others. You’ve heard the words “just relax” and “everything is fine” more times than you care to count. Sometimes you wish you could make everyone understand why you are the way you are...

Keep Reading

I Am My Child’s Advocate—and Other Valuable Lessons a Stay in the PICU Taught Me

In: Baby, Child, Health
I Am My Child's Advocate—and Other Valuable Lessons a Stay in the PICU Taught Me www.herviewfromhome.com

What started out to be a normal Thursday ended with a race to the children’s ER with my six-month-old. I was terrified. My adrenaline was pumping. My baby was struggling to breathe. The day before, he had been diagnosed with RSV. A simple cold to most healthy toddlers and adults turned out to be life threatening to my infant.   Once we were admitted, I knew this was serious. I knew he was in danger. I could sense the concern and urgency in the doctor’s voice. I knew the gravity of that wing of the hospital he was being wheeled...

Keep Reading

To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes

In: Cancer, Child, Child Loss, Health
To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes www.herviewfromhome.com

Most people never get to meet their heroes. I have, in fact—I have met many heroes. These heroes didn’t set out for greatness; they fell victim to a terrible disease and faced it with courage, might and bravery like I have never seen before. And when we talk about this type of battle, there is no such thing as losing. whether the battle ended in death, life, or debility, each of these heroes defeated. My heroes are the innocent children who battle cancer. I high-fived, hugged, wept over, laughed and played with my heroes for 10 years as a nurse. And you better believe I...

Keep Reading